Corrupt A Wish

Post Reply New Topic

Granted. You have a train. However, all the train will do is sit and watch endless videos of Veggie Tales' "The Pirates That Don't Do Anything".


I wish that I had financial security.

Granted, but to gain your financial security, you constantly and obsessively worry over your finances. You sit at your computer twenty hours a day checking your accounts and researching investment opportunities until you die from pneumonia due to your weakened immune system and lack of will to live.

I wish I had a pet tiger.

I'm bored. I'll do my own.

Granted, but the tiger gets bored and goes off to find a new owner. The tiger is on national news a week later after knocking over a beehive while wandering through a research facility, releasing deadly killer bees on the population of a small town, causing several people to be stung to death.

I wish I could launch snot out of my nose over a long distance.

...granted. but as a boomerang snot, flying miles away before returning at a high rate of speed, blown slightly off center from mild winds, lands smack in your eye, blinding you.


i wish i had a doughnut to go with my coffee.

Granted. Your doughnut and your coffee go out on a date and don't invite you.

I wish I was married to Winona Ryder.

Granted, but she gets picked up for stealing again and ends up in jail after being tried by a very harsh judge. Visitation days are supervised and few and far between.


I wish my boss would stop holding staff meetings in front of my desk.

Granted. Now they're held on your desk.

I wish to live in Costa Rica.

Granted, but you are eaten alive by merciless mosquitoes.

I wish I could meet Wall.E in real life.

Granted, you're cryogenically frozen and meet WALL-E several hundred years in the future when he finds you in the trash heap. As the last human on Earth I'm sure life will be very interesting for you.


I wish I could go to the movies with my toddler without him having a meltdown.

Granted! you have the meltdown

I wish i could have 1000 of these on me

Granted. The weight suffocates you.

I wish I could find true love.

Granted, your crush falls madly in love with some random stranger who loves your crush in turn.

I wish I could get my computer up and running (not this one, the other one).

Granted. The other one is running great. Now this one turns to crap.

I wish I lived at sea.

Granted! But you must wear a neoprene shirt like pictured above.

I Wish i could wear 100,000 neoprene shirts like the one in my picture

Granted. But you had to sell your house and all your home appliances to buy them.

I wish King Ashoka the Great came back to life.

Granted, but because of his philosophy of forgiveness for all he is branded a heretic by the Catholic church, captured by the Jesuits, imprisoned, tried in a secret inquisition, and burned at the stake.


I wish sense were common.