Corrupt A Wish

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Granted! But it crosses over with Baby Looney Tunes.

I wish I could run as fast as the Road Runner.

Granted, but you spend the rest of your life being chased by Wily Coyote. And do you really want to live on bird seed?

I wish for a glass of cool water please. Not a lot to ask for surely?

You get your glass of cold water. It is a 200 L pyrex flask with a wide neck. You are lowered head first into the water by someone who then holds you under until you die. Enjoy your water !

I wish for a better sense of humor, and the ability to make money by telling jokes.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, your humour is recognised by the American military and you are employed by them as a stand up comedian at Guantanamo bay where your jokes torture the inmates into confessing to - well anything they can do really to make you stop. On the plus side you do make a lot of money at it.

I wish for the world to explode in 5 minutes time.

Granted.....

Hold on, only one human survived, syzygyish because he is on the moon of course.

I wish I could just fall into a hole to the other side of the world?

Granted: But you just fall all the way back again.

I wish I was happy all the time.

Granted.

Of course, your face muscles tear from all the effort required of them to keep you smiling all the time.

~

I wish was a catfish.

Granted, this fish has claws and now your about to get scratched. Ouch!

I wish that I had a cat?

Granted; your cat is feral; he refuses being touched, and scratches you at will.

I wish I could have my days off extended, much like the company extends our work hours.

Granted, your company goes bust, your days off are now extended indefinitely.

I wish for a lottery win.

Granted; everybody wins the lottery, and you only get a small portion of the win like everybody else!

I wish I have everything to myself right now.

Granted. You cause a space-time singularity by wanting *everything* and the universe disappears. If the event could have been recorded, it would be called the BIG SLURP.

~

I wish I had an infinitely fast computer.

Granted, everyone else on the planet suddenly vanishes, leaving you the only human alive.

I wish for a few dry days so I can work in the garden.

Granted. The next few days are however so dry that your garden spontaneously combusts into a blazing fire.

~

I wish I had X-ray vision.

Granted, but you can only see x-rays not normal visible light. This means you are effectively blind unless you shine x-rays through things (or people) and even then all you see are skeletons of people.

I wish the lightning would go away - it might fry my computer or other electrical items.

Granted. The lightning goes away, but fries your local power plant instead.

~

I wish I had a nice and cute girlfriend.