The Married Aspie Cafe Thread (discussion of marriage, etc.)

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Hubby is an interesting guy who collects many things including art. He doesn't use a lot of nonverbal communication - and in fact, claims that other people don't use much either. I think he is NQ.

Here's my gift:



George Ohr became increasingly obsessed later in his career with just the shape of his pots and left them unglazed in bisque form. He twisted them into all sorts of contortions including vagina shapes.

He sent an umbrella stand to the Smithsonian with an espistle written on the vase. They still have it.

His pots are paper thin and the decorated by their shapes or the effects of the clay. The spotted pots like mine were acheived from digging and mixing different clays with certain impurities to produce the effects. Mine is salt glazed.

Hubby is also fond of the Martin Brothers:



And very strange men were the English Martin Brothers. Perhaps AS/genius as they created stunning works of art, but never had a kiln that would work correctly and seemed mostly unconcerned about it even though they lived like paupers.

SeriousGirl, yer hubs is a very interesting guy ! !! He's not into Richard Dadd also, is he??
(Since he enjoys mad artists.)

Ha, ha, professor, I'm afraid no faries for him. I like Dadd though. Hubby is partial to impressionist paintings en plein aire.

I see, he likes mad potters, but sane painters. Interesting chap. Sounds like fun to have a pint with, and discuss modalities of artistic expression. Monet's use of colour, and all that.

SeriousGirl, I just looked up CAPD. You poor thing ! !
It's Continuous Ambulatory Peritoneal Dialysis, how long have you needed a machine ??

Huh? No, CAPD is Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I hear sounds sometimes instead of speech. It goes into my ear and falls into a black hole in my brain.

I think we'd both enjoy having a pint of Guiness with you, Professor.

LOL DH loves Guiness. He also loved the pictures of the pottery and the artist's moustache! He said, Very Rasputin looking.

I'll fill my Toby Philpot mug with some Guiness and toast the married aspies and aspie partners!

Hubby's on the way to the post office with the dreaded tax return and hel'll need a drink tonight.

I was forced to sit through the dreaded tax process on Sunday! GRRRRR I HATE it!

Here's a toast to you and yours ! !!

My name is Chris and I am currently engaged at the age of 17. I have been engaged to Jesse for 16 months now, but we still haven't told our parents about it yet. Her mother don't like me so we plan on waiting until she turns 18 and she's 16 right now. We get a long great and she seems to understand my problems with AS better than I do. She says she has a very bad temper, but in all the years we've been together she's only yelled at me once, and that was last night. We agree on everything important except music, but I can live with that. I only listen to music 18 hours a day (I listen while I sleep.) We haven't done much planning on our wedding yet, I guess she wants to wait until her parents know about it first. Well, I don't want to bore you too much about my relitionship, it's about all I talk about. If you have any questions or would like to know more details just send me a PM.

Welcome to the forum, MewSkitty ! ! I hope some of our discussion is of help to you. Seems all us ASpies are in 'mixed' marriages. (NT + ASpie) Not to discourage you, but you are rather young to be thinking of marriage. I hope to hear more regarding your relationship.

Welcome MewSkitty! You are young, but things will work out as they are meant to work out. Just see where things take you and enjoy your relationship. I hope what you read helps you.

We'll have been married 35 years this July.

And we have a new winner!! !! Ding Ding Ding Ding

Thanks Lelia. Takes the pressure off me. LOL

So, what is your story?

I married a marvelous man. Easy to recommend, hard to do. I had hair to my waist when we met in chemistry class (fool he, not to realize that someday I might cut it off). He watched me a whole quarter wondering how to meet me. I noticed him the day the Pakistani blew up his experiment all over him. I invited him to a Jesus People meeting (I know, most of you don't know what that means. You have to be old), he invited me to a crusade. Before he took me anywhere, he took me home to meet his Mom and Dad, and sister, and nieces, and dog, and I saw how he loved children and respected his parents. I decided then that he fit my list: Christian, intelligent, professional bound, relaxing to be around, reader. We married a year later and I got my degree in medical technology, and he many years later in dentistry, then pediatric.
Second child was a trial, so hard we decided not to have any more children, when I turned up pregnant with the third while we were living in Japan with the Air Force. Seven months after that birth my kidneys failed and we moved to Portland, OR for his residency in pediatric dentistry, and I was told in unambiguous terms this time that our daughter had autism as well as mental retardation.
I was sick for years, and my best beloved never thought to leave me. Was diagnosed with lupus which now the doctors say I must not have ever had since I never had it again. Hmm. I met Carol Croke, then president of Oregon Autism Society who taught me that one could have a non-verbal exceedingly violent and destructive child and still be a gracious human being.
In Texas when my daughter was nine and I had decided that either my daughter or I was going into an institution, when my mother told me about my namesake aunt being diagnosed with bipolar. The next day our daughter did something that made the light go on ! !! and I took her to the base child psychologist and told him I had a bipolar daughter and would he medicate her PLEASE! He said he had never heard of an autistic person or a child having bipolar (bet he knows better now) but he looked at my calendar of her behaviours and said she fit the profile. We put her on lithium and suddenly we were down from at least six crises a day to one. We couldn't let that stand, so we adopted two more kids. Back to six crises a day since the girl the social worker promised me was a bright, normal child turned out to have fetal alchohol effect.
Then we lived in Alaska and met Temple Grandin and we took our daughter with autism to Newberg for auditory training where I met the most amazing people with autism and their parents. Our daughter finally understood what we were saying, and if we told her ahead of time there was a change in schedule, she would accept it instead of trying to kill us. Progress.
We had to leave the A.F. because best beloved's mother came down with alhziemers and we realized that he would retire from the AF the same time our daughter graduated from high school and the FAE child would be fifteen (I figured she would be addicted and pregnant by then) and he would be starting a new practice and I would start menopause. Too much. Too much. We needed to get programs in place for the autistic child.
We moved to Washington state and best beloved joined a group practice so he could concentrate on family issues. My periodic depressions grew longer and deeper until it became permanent and I got treated.
About a decade ago, I was reading "Thinking In Pictures" when another lightbulb flashed. My daughter's autism didn't come out of the mysterious blue. I had autism! So that's why I had so much trouble recognizing people, couldn't stand flourescent lights, was hypertactile, could take up to three days to remember a particular noun, was told by everyone I was weird though I could not see how, had to teach myself to look into people's eyes, needed so much by myself time, etc. oooooh. Realized my darling, adorable middle son had asperger's. And one of my nephews. And the odd uncle who was an engineer. ooooh.
I went on a GFCF diet and felt infinitly better. I didn't need two naps a day anymore and the dark curcles under my eyes went away and the nose stopped dripping. I tried it on my daughter but she refused to have anything to do with it and still sleeps most of the day and has circles.
With much help, the FAE child graduated and got jobs as a CNA. The two older boys went into the computer game industry. This year the beautiful baby boy joined the AF and I LOVE my empty nest!
Best beloved, an elder in the church and on lots of boards is stepping back from some of his volunteer work to spend time with me. We helped found Autism Community Services, bought a duplex for our autistic, ret*d, bipolar, OCD daughter. I lived there in the day and my husband at night until we got the funding to hire a companion and respite care.
When we figured out that a group home would NEVER work out for our autistic (her obsession is making coffee (and no one else may have any!) and cutting up paper (be it letters or books or someone's drawings) we remodeled the duplex to make it safe for her (eg, no stovetop) with bright colors and a variety of swinging seats in the landscape. a hot tub, and a fish pond she turned into a rock pond etc. Her behaviour told us five times that NO! she did not want a job and she did not want even a forty minute a day volunteer work using her obsession. So now that she is a lady of leisure and everything that goes past the alarmed gate belongs to her and she does whatever she wants whenever she wants, she is a happy woman.
Someone from ACS sent me a link to youtube "In My Language" which fascinated me. I've read much of the Ballastexistenz site and now feel terrible I kept sending my daughter to school when she so obviously did not want to go (I hated school too. Loved learning but hated being picked on and that's why I homeschooled the three boys). I apologized for the times I was mean to her, but she did not apologize for all the times she beat me up. (that was a bad joke. she is still non-verbal and after some initial success with picture communication she refused to use it) I started surfing and found all these delightful websites with my people and stories that are fascinating. I discovered I'm on the verge of OCD too. So now I am struggling with trying to stop my compulsive spending and hoarding of books.
If you're lucky, you might find my one published book, a juvenile sf, Shatterworld, in your libraby.
There. Now aren't you sorry you asked for my story?