question for people who lived in and abusive home as a kid.

Post Reply New Topic

It makes me so angry people who abuse children. I was abused to. I went and seen a social worker and I had to explain what was going on which wasn't easy and he said "You don't have to put up with that." I got paid money off the goverment to live away from home. Thank goodness.

They wouldn't let me leave unless I married, and they got to choose who I married. So even though I loved someone else (who they'd intially arranged a marriage for me with, and then backed out on despite mutual feelings by both parties) I wound up marrying the first guy they agreed to let me marry out of sheer desperation. I was so imprisoned in my parent's house that I couldn't make a phone call, send a letter, or talk to a friend (of any sex) without a "spy" (chaperone) nearby. I tried to run away and even though I was 19, they caught me and tricked me into coming back, and then literally locked me inside the house until they'd broken my spirit again. My stepdad was pretty insistent about wanting to get into my panst and have me bear his child...and I decided that anyone at all woul be better than him, so I married the very next man they claimed God had selected for me.

The guy was a real nutcase, and marrying him was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made, but I honestly don't know how else I could've escaped from them. They were friends with the cops in this very small town, I had no skills, no idea what was wrong with me, and was afraid of everyone to the point where I wouldn't even talk to the cashier in the grocery store, just paid and ran (literally).

Even now, looking back, I have no idea what I should have done instead. I was so helpless and kept intentionally ignorant and helpless.

I was lucky in that my parents well, Mum and her Husband, put me in Childrnes Home when I was 5, trouble is they took me back when I was 8 in order to save £25 amonth.

I used to think it would never end unless I did something about it, so I used to search for rat poison to put in his tea, lucky for him we never had rats.

Not suggesting you do this though, an 8 year old with the record of abuse I had might have got me off, I think they would consider a 21 year old to be able to think of other options.

I finally got out for good when I wa 17 and joined the Royal Navy.

Nowadays Mum gets sad because I will not have any contact with them.

The Memoir by Jeannette Walls, called The Glass Castle, is very hopeful. She describes both neglect and abuse at the hands of her alcoholic father and self-absorbed mother. She describes leaving her parent's house when she was still in high school and creating a new life for herself.

Good luck, Just-me.

Z

My family: dysfunctional and verbally abusive, sometimes physically also.

School was my way out and that is what I tell all my students now. Whatever your home situation, education is your way out. I left for college. I didn't know what I wanted to study really. I just picked whatever subject I was the best at in high school. I just knew I had to get out of that house. I got school loans to go. School loans are an investment in your future, so don't be afraid to get them.

Declare your independence with the financial aid office of your college, if you have to. I had to do that, too. I didn't want my parents to sign anything for me or to have anything to do with me. It was hard, but it was worth it. Also, ask your high school guidance counselor for info, and contact the school financial aid office of the colleges you are interested in.

You have the power to make your own life and make it the way you want to: successfully independent, no more abuse, surrounded by good people of quality and finally a loving family of your own someday.

I lived in a homeless shelter, have hitch hiked around the country and learned how to ride freight trains to get around. If you can save up money and stay off the streets, go that route. Being homeless is dangerous, mainly because people that you think are going to help you, could take advantage of you. There are good people in this world, and when I was out, I was helped by some amazing folks, but that's not the case with everyone.

I see a free counsellor at the YWCA every other week. The YWCA deals with domestic violence and sexual abuse cases. They will know how to handle trauma related to D.V. which you more than likely experience. They cannot really help with AS related issues, but can give you support and help separate symptoms of one disorder and another.

The best thing for you to do is to try to get any kind of help that you can find. Social work is a network, and once you've found one place that can give you some support, they will generally point you in the right direction for other services that you need.

I met good people through Food Not Bombs, a national group (not an official non profit) that makes a free vegan meal for the homeless every week. There may be one near you.

I got out by leaving a week after high school graduation and promising myself that I'd never go back unless I was wealthy or someone died. Then I took whatever jobs I could find to put myself through college (2 years of Seminary first, then transferred to Electrical Engineering).

My father had schizophrenia and at an early age we'd observe him attacking my mother. Setting her on fire, hitting her head with objects, etc. She divorced him when her arm went numb with her doctors advice. He later killed a man in a bar so she made the right choice. He went to a mental institute where he was diagnosed and then placed in a mental hospital most of his life.

My mother is bipolar, manic depressent, OCD and I'm sure other things. One day she was a great mom and the next day she was a different person. Her mood and attitude would change. She became mean and hateful and any mistake you made she would beat you with objects, dig her nails into your skin, bang your head with objects (whatever she had in her hand or close to her). She became so bad she would cause us to bleed, give us bald spots on our heads, etc. She would beat us uncontrollably. I started running away at 11 years old. I lived in Los Angeles and started hitchhiking, this was popular in the 70's. I hitchhiked to Vegas with a man once and he put his hand on my leg and told me he wanted to go to a motel, I told him I would jump out of the moving vehicle if he tried it again so he left me on the side of the freeway. I would run and not have any idea where I was running to. I slept in garages, stoled my food. I would end up going back on my own because I missed my little sister and hated the fact that she was there with the witch without me. I ran away so many times, all the same thing.

I once packed and went to a girls home. I thought they'd take me but they called my mother. My mother picked me up with all my drawers with clothes in them in the backseat of the car and drove me to my rich uncles house. It was the best summer. My uncle was surprised that I had no plans of returning home. I had to go back any way. It was hard enough dealing with the bullies at school to have to go home to that.

After that, in high school, I got a job after school, volunteered at a hospital and tried to stay as busy as possible to not have to be home. When I was home it was late in the evening to avoid drama and I ate and went to sleep. I had to give her most of my income and then she was nice to me. I moved out finally at 19 with a full time job. I had to quit college to do this. When I moved out she was mad cause her 400 a month income was stopped. She threw all my things on the front lawn, slammed the door and that was it.

Now she takes credit for any of my success.

I was beaten and emotionally abused by my father. I ran away when I was 18.

We tried to "patch things up" over the years, but it always ended up in more suffering and abuse.

You shouldn't stay there anymore - the longer this continues, the harder to find your peace. At least, that's how it was for me - every time I decided to give my father another chance I experienced a set back in my personal life and development. It took me 30 years to understand the damage I was doing to myself and get rid of guilt.

When I was 12 I ran away a lot to escape the abuse, but this presented it's own set of problems when I was locked away in a mental institution for running away. In the state that I and my dad/stepmother lived in, I had not commited a serious enough crime to be locked away in juvenile detention, and none of the group homes in the state would take me for the reason that I ran away, so I was basically stored away in a mental institution. --This was rectified when my mother regained custody of me, whereupon I was discharged from the institution and moved out of that state.

Seeing that you're over 18, you at least have the option available to move out of your situation without any real legal repercussions.

Nothing has ever happened to me that's as bad as what you guys have experienced, but I still don't think I can take the emotional abuse anymore. I considered running away a few weeks ago, I even packed my suitcase and got ready to leave in the night, but I have nowhere to stay.

My mother was the cold alcoholic type and rejected me from birth really, looking back I guess I am lucky I did survive and still alive! but growing up I thought it was my thought and as knew no difference thought this is how life was... there is so much help and support out their these days so please reach out, because there is more to life and your so much better than you realize, I stayed for far too long as thought I was not good enough for anyone let alone being able to cope.

Please feel free to contact me anytime, no one deserves to suffer and no one should suffer alone because their are many of us that really understand and are happy to be here for you.

For me I really did not break away until I was 28. I left for another city on the right coast because i got a job.
While the physical abuse ended sometime in my twenties, the psychological and verbal abuse never ended. I did not realize the damage done until after I moved, I was closeted and queer, in addition to having NLD, I came out and started to deal with my issues. The truth is the whole love and value of family only exists for those who have never been abused. To me a family is no different than any other person and those ties are just as fragile as any other relationship. Lots of my abuse was because I was very different, because I had social difficulties. They broke those ties, and I made it clear I was my own person, I broke those ties relating to their own intolerance and their control over me. I got to be my own person
The truth is this is not easy to do. It is very very difficult. But it gave me wings.

As I always say, I get more kindness from strangers in the street than I ever got from anyone in my family.

Got too big for the physical abuse to continue; and just started ignoring the mental abuse. Eventually saved up some money from my crappy job, moved in part-time with my then-girlfriend (now wife), got therapy and got back into school (with a different major), got a decent job and moved in with her full-time; and went on with my life.