Miscarriage and complex emotions

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I miscarried in June of this year and I had an emotional reaction to it at the time, but once the overwhelming emotions passed I wasn't sure how to process things. I tend to intellectualize my emotions instead of feeling them and it seems to lead to taking a longer time to process things. Now that Christmas is approaching, and then my "due date" in January, I have been having a resurgence of emotions and I'm not quite sure how to deal with them effectively. I am also quite uncomfortable talking to my fiance or parents about this because I'm not sure how to express what I'm feeling or what I might need to get past this.
Has anyone else experienced something similar and figured out how to deal with the complex emotions related to loss? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

do you have a pastor or counselor or local grief support group?

You're experiencing grief which can contain denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. i would think that those around you would need to know what you're going through to understand your actions at this difficult time. it doesn't have to be a big in-depth conversation - just i'm sad that the baby who i was expecting about now is lost from us. i could use a hug. or i could use some alone time. or whatever.

I'm not sure I have any tips on how to deal with the emotions effectively, other than to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and don't give yourself artificial deadlines by which you are "supposed" to be "over" it. It takes a long time. For me, the sadness decreased significantly after I had another baby, but I still had moments when I would think of the baby I lost, and would have intense sadness and pain about that loss - for years. It wasn't debilitating, but it hit me unexpectedly - especially at anniversaries of the loss or the due date. I found that talking about it (with some people) was helpful. It's amazing how many people have had pregnancy losses, and it can be comforting to talk to others who have been through similar experiences.

I miscarried in August 2009 and didn't know about it until my first prenatal care. I took it well at first and then two days later, I was all upset about it. It was very hard seeing people on TV having babies and seeing babies and pregnant women in real life. Being at work was very hard because there were at least three co workers who were pregnant. I even got a doll for five dollars and carried it with me. I actually obsessed about miscarriages and kept thinking about it and reading about them online and talking about it. It took me a month to get over it and then I felt happy and moved on. Something else happened and it totally took my mind off my doll I kept forgetting about her and I finally felt over my miscarriage. Then when my due date was nearing, it felt very weird because I didn't have the baby. Then a month later I got pregnant again and my feelings came back and the fear. It took me a while to get excited about having a baby and I kept it a secret from everyone except for my husband and my family and his. I wouldn't even let my husband tell his family until I heard the heartbeat. I did stay out of the miscarriage threads on Babycenter and the stillborn threads. That was too scary and stressful for me to read that stuff and then worry what if that happens to me.

I don't have any advice, sorry.

Well I got myself to cry yesterday since I figured that might help. I put on the sad music and just tried to let out the tension and sadness. It did help a bit. I've decided not to try for another baby for a couple of years as this was my second miscarriage. I'd really like to have a child, but I don't want to put myself through another miscarriage while I'm still processing. I did consider a support group but decided against it because I don't do well in groups and I thought it might be more stressful than beneficial. I might give it a try, though, if I continue to have a hard time. I do have a hard time seeing pregnant women and young babies, although it is better than it was for the first couple months. I suppose it's just a work in progress.
Thank you all very much for your thoughts.

Have you looked into adoption (if you can afford it) or gone to the doctor's to see why you miscarried? They usually don't start doing anything until after your third miscarriage.

The OB/GYN I saw said he'd look into it if I had a third miscarriage. I would adopt but I doubt I would be approved because of my past psychiatric history. I will try again one day, though, when I'm ready for the possibility of another disappointment.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope the best for you.

I've 3 kids. Between each kid I had 2 miscarriages, so 4 in total.
The best way to forget is trying for another baby but the fear for another miscarriage will never be gone.
I'm past child bearing age now and I have to say it doesn't hurt anymore, it's simply a distant memory of the past.

I'm sorry for your loss and your hurt.

I'm trying to learn to completely and effectively repress the expression of all negative emotions-- it's something I have to do because asking my family to understand me and try to "meet me in the middle" is simply too difficult for everyone.

So, I really can't tell you how to cope with your grief, other than to say try to feel and express it in private or only in the presence of a trained mental health professional (and even then be very careful to avoid strong language, raising your voice, uncontrolled tears, et cetera).

It's sad, but in my experience, Aspies trying to talk to family about their emotions just leads to more stress and grief, not and abatement of stress and grief.

Caveat: Allow-- if you can, encourage-- them to talk about their emotions regarding the miscarriage. If they talk about feeling something (sadness, pain, et cetera), it may be appropriate for you to say that you have felt that way too, but only after they are all done (and if they still have time and interest).

It's not very nice-- in fact, it's something I have tried very hard on numerous occasions not to believe-- but my experience is that your emotions are your problem and are best kept to yourself.

(((hugs))) i had four miscarriages too. it was hard to get over them. i gave up having more children after my first because the miscarriages were too traumatic. my doctor wanted me to keep trying as it was good for emotional healing but i got too depressed. the doctor tried giving me estrogen treatments but it didn't help. two of my miscarriages were incomplete and i had to have D&Cs (dilation and curettage), which contributed to my sadness as i felt like my body was incompetent.

now i think about trying again someday as i get closer to the end of my childbearing years. it helped me to be a teacher for a few years as i felt like i had a whole classroom of children to love. but no matter what i know i was lucky was able to have my one child, and i treasure her very much.

i think that you dealt with it very well by allowing yourself to feel the sadness and addressing theemotions head-on. really taking care of your emotions and supporting yourself in the healing process in the way that felt best to you will probably work for you in the long run (the sad music, the crying). it may even be a good idea to set aside the due date to allow yourself to grieve fully when the day comes. the support group sounds like a good idea if you are willing to give it a try. aspies sometimes do very well in group therapy.

i had bought little tiny socks that i saw in the store when i was pregnant, and when i lost the baby i slept with them on my pillow or in my hand. i carried them in my pocket too. this is very hard to talk about as it makes me cry even 12 years later. anyways it helped me cope.

I have two children and had four or five (I stopped taking tests) early miscarriages. What got me through it was telling myself (again and again) that miscarriages are often due to serious health problems in the fetus, and that it would be better not to have a baby than to have one that was going to suffer. The worst bit of it was the hormones, which make emotions so much more intense and make logical thoughts less comforting. The first two times felt very bad.

I did quite a bit of writing, putting to paper all the things I had imagined about the children, to help myself sort it out. With time, the pain will lessen, maybe even go away.