Hiding yourself

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It's kind of a given that bringing up AS, depression, or anxiety problems in a job interview or at work are a bad idea, but do any of you struggle with having to hide these aspects of your life from friends and family?

I've noticed that in the past, whenever I've tried to talk to people about my problems with depression or anxiety, they seem really uncomfortable with it, so I'm hesitant to get into more detail. Yet every time I go out, at least one person makes a comment about not seeing me very often, or that I just don't go out because I hate people, and I feel like I'm expected to provide some kind of explanation for my detachment. I've been even less connected to people since I had a semi-public breakdown a couple years ago, during which I noticed that everyone stepped up to support my girlfriend, but stopped talking to me during that time and left me to deal with what I was going through entirely by myself.

I just don't get it. They want an explanation for why I'm so distant (aloof, as one person put it), but don't want to hear it when I try to give one, so they just kind of push me away for not making more of an effort to be involved in their lives.

I am distant so that I have enough time to process information and also to be relaxed enough to do important things. I just tell my friends, I won't see you often, but I love you, I just swing like that. It sometimes takes a while for them to understand something so opposite to how they interact with all their other friends. They get it though, when they hear my love for them in my voice.

Good Luck and Goodnight

I've tried being more upfront about it in that respect, but after awhile, it doesn't seem to be enough of an explanation. I've known most of these people for several years, some of them for over a decade, and things have only gotten worse over time.

This is hard to respond to then. I would have to be there to see these people and you interact. It could be many things. I am going to assume though, that it is what happens, whenever a friend of mine is not my friend anymore. We still think kindly of each other, but we no longer have enough of a connection to stay in touch any longer.

I usually have absolutely no social connection to them to begin with, except school or work. I don't know names of their music heroes, I don't shop at specialty stores, I don't go out and see the coolest bands. I very rarely do anything social. I just don't hang out.

Birthdays are the only social occasions that I consider inflexible. I will buy gifts, bring the beer, listen to the music, play the games and be there to show the person my love and admiration for them.

It is already hard enough for a friend and I to be friends.Our connection is one of a most curious sort, how much we are helping each other emotionally. If the exchange is no longer needed or fair, on either side of the friendship, then I simple bow out or they simply bow out.

Like I said, I would have to be there. So I guess more so than what I have said, is Good luck and Take care.

Yes when I was a teenager. I had my fringe cover some of my face and a guy moved the hair away from my eyes and said "Your beautiful."
I still do that now, if I am feeling uncomfortable I grab some of my hair and cover it over my face. My hair is all the same length and I've noticed when I am trying to hide, people look at me more when I do that.

Are you hiding yourself from others or hiding from yourself? If it's the latter trust me there's nowhere to hide.

I'm hiding from others, I guess. I don't know why I do it. It's stupid. It must look stupid but has become a habit I do when I am nervous.

Are you sure it doesn't go deeper than that?

I used to do this sometimes, when I had hair. I've been shaving my head for quite awhile though, so I generally just look down a lot.

But, the "hiding yourself" I was talking about was more along the lines of hiding the "real" you from people you know, so as to not scare people off, but inadvertantly scaring them off anyway because you're always keeping them at arms length.

Hiding your true nature is impossible. Anyone with reasonable social intuition can sense if someone's hiding themselves and this is an unattractive quality that drives people away. Hiding the negative aspects of your personality is an essential part of all social interaction and everyone does it to some extent. What you mustn't do is confound the negative aspects of personality with what you consider as "the real you". How you perceive yourself determines how others perceive you. You need the courage to recognise and change these negative attributes in your character - this is the only way you will be able to make meaningful connections with people.

I personally do not tell people I have anxiety or depression. It's on an 'as need to know' basis. In the workplace I think it would be career suicide. People do not do research like we do and would just pass judgement based on ignorance. I tend to be a very private person so I don't call it hiding. If I had a yeast infection would I tell anyone? It's just private stuff.

I recognize my negative attributes and the impact they have on my day-to-day life, which is why I began to try and be more discreet about how much I struggle with certain things. I can't not be depressed, stop being hyperfocused, etc. simply through positive thinking.

I see what you're saying, but discretion and 'hiding yourself' are two wildly different concepts IMO (maybe this is just a case of semantics?)

Very much a case of semantics

They're somewhat interchangeable in practice, though. I tried to be open about certain things, the reaction was bad, and so I opted to "hide" that stuff - i.e. not talk about it, keep to myself when I'm feeling a certain way, etc. I've not even so much as whispered the word Aspie around my "friends" and only lightly touch on depression if it comes up in conversation. Everyone is well-aware that I have problems, but don't really know the full extent or certain details, etc.

The thing about exposing these kinds of issues to people is there's no appropriate time to do it, our innate lack of communication skills doesn't help either.

AS is so deep and all-encompassing, that I don't have any idea how the magnitude and depth of its effects can be conveyed to the uninitiated in a few sentences.

I've only just told my mum and sister of my strong suspicion (read certainty) that I have AS. It took me four and a half years to get to that point with the two people who are closest to me in the world and who know me the best. It's going to take a while to really get to grips with something like that and I think there will be lots and lots of talking about it. To give them a proper understanding and the reassurance that I'm okay is going to take a while.

I don't know that work colleagues, aquantances, neighbours or whoever would give the thought and time that is needed to really comprehend what an ASD is, with all the complex interaction of flaws and glories. I don't see why they would care, and I don't mind them thinking me weird or sad or geeky. It would be nice to say to them, "I have AS," and for them to say, "Of course! That explains it all!" and then carry on as normal. I fear that would not be the case, however....