Hidden Autistics

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I can relate to "Joe" somewhat. I definitely don't blend into the neurotypical population as well as he does. Anyone who has spent time with me would pick up on the fact that there's something "different" about me, something "off." However, few people would ever guess the true extent of my impairment. I've learned to conceal the worst of it when I'm around other people (with the exception of my parents).
I couldn't gauge exactly how other people see me, as I don't hear what they say when I'm out of the room. I do know that my public persona does not fit the profile of the stereotypical autistic. As I reach some degree of comfort, and people get to "know" me (become familiar with the self I present to others) I can present as funny, insightful and sensitive. I'll make silly remarks or witty observations that make people laugh. I make sharp, sometimes critical observations of problems and injustices I notice that have people nodding in agreement. I work with preschoolers, and though the children don't afford me the same level of respect as an authority figure as they do the other staff, they love me. I have a strong rapport with these kids, and they are always happy to see me. I work as a floater teacher, covering in various classrooms as needed. I'm shifted around to suit the needs and convenience of the school. At times, I'll be in one classroom every day for a period of time, and then I'll be moved to something else. I'm told that children often ask for me when I'm not in the classroom with them. In my interactions with the children, I tend to present as funny and playful, and I often have children telling me that I'm "funny."
About half of these children are on IEPs due to special Educational needs, and struggle significantly with learning certain skills and concepts as I result. I find that I make more effort to understand the "why" behind these difficulties than many of my coworkers, making an effort to determine exactly what it is going on with a child's brain, processing and perception to make specific skills more difficult. Children appreciate that I honestly acknowledge their difficulties, without disparaging them for said difficulties. I've had people comment on how I'm one of the most "caring" teachers there. Though I struggle in certain aspects of my work, I present as funny, insightful, caring. Of course, no one at work sees how I collapse at the end of the day, how exhausted I get from not only the interaction, but even just remaining tuned in to my external environment as opposed to automatically retreating into my own head. They don't see my thoughts, how much I obsess on specific topics. I could write a thick volume on all the parts of me other people don't see.
The general population has such a rigid, stereotyped view of what individuals on the spectrum are "supposed" to be like that anyone who doesn't fit that profile, anyone who has learned to adapt to a degree, isn't taken seriously.
I apologize if this post is more rambling and incoherent than my usual. For several reasons, I"ve been in a massive fog lately.

It takes you knowing me over two years for me to even think about telling you…..the information is just to damaging in the wrong hands to the natural politics of the small college I attend. It takes even longer for some of my friends to admit to it, thought to be fair they we more persecuted because of their inability to socialize as effectively as myself.

So if your thought is right but most of us wouldn’t be caught dead telling someone about it outside of these forums. and even with amenity of the internet I still feel at “risk”

I see much of myself in this, too, though I imagine I'm not as good at hiding it in public. When I come home from school, I often nap for hours on end. This worries my mother because she sees it as a sign of depression. I doubt this - it's just the way my mind recharges after a busy, mentally-taxing day.

Sometimes I wish I knew how people really see me. My guess is that they think I'm just a shy, nervous person. When most people hear the word "Asperger's", they think of the cognitively-impaired who are placed into special education and kept separate from the rest of the student body (my school does this). Little do they know how many of us walk around with our symptoms hidden and thus remain "under the radar".

I'm not surprized BUT i find all this fascinating.

Now, i wonder how many received an official Autism diagnosis BUT had it either removed or rejected with the consent of a guardian for fear that a label would socially handicap their child ?

TheSunAlsoRises

Mine did

Joe needs to use Google Calendar.

I have events set up for people 2 weeks in advance to ask what kind of gifts they want for their birthday, 5 days in advance for purchasing gifts, and 10am on their birthday or other anniversary.

My phone alarms when each event happens. It's the only way I can ever "remember" anything. Everytime someone gets upset about me forgetting something that happens every year I punch it into my calendar so that I get a reminder the next time.

The latest stats down here in South Australia show two percent of ten year olds on the spectrum. If you spread that across the population, that makes more than ten thousand autistic adults, of whom only a handful have diagnoses.

I've a personal interest because I was one of these forgotten people until recently. My father is still one of them.

For us to continue in denial helps sentence our autistic children to a life of rejection - is that what we want?

I'm still constantly surprised at all the similarities to my life and the way I feel and perceive things,it just amazes me how many people endure the same things I do.All my life I tried to blend in,be a chameleon or try to be the image of what another person wants me to be always trying to anticipate what to say or do,how to look,always analyzing what I said,was it offensive,did I talk too much,why am I so F'ing tired after being around people,why do I dread parties and get togethers,why does it take me days to recover from a simple shopping trip.When I'm home alone it's like the sweetest breath of air,I feel light and free.It was always like this and now I don't force myself to do the things that thrash me,I don't have to go to parties,dances,holiday dinners,weddings and all that social hoopla,all I have to do is live and die.And I intend for the rest of my life to be as quiet and drama free as possible.I'm too old and tired to fake it anymore.

So the individual says he can't meet the criteria for an ASD, but says he has one?

That makes so much sense.