look at this message I got on NZ Dating

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Has the writer of that piece got dyslexia? Or are they're just too stupid or lazy to learn to spell properly?

<EDIT> So are you going to go on a date with this real 'charmer'?

I sent him a reply saying he doesn't really seem to know much about it, he told me I use aspergers as an excuse when that is NOT true, so I told him to f**k off and shove his bitchy comments up his arse.

'I feel apathy'? Well, that's one way of being 'sympathetic'.

Is having a hidden disorder just too much for him comprehend? Regarding both ADHD and ASDs there is proof within brain scans that we who have the conditions are physically different.

If he's talking about poor parenting, well, it's a little old fashioned to say the least. I know that attachment disorders can mimic ASDs to some extent. Attachment difficulties (but not severe enough for a diagnosis) were what many professionals who knew of the abuse/separation/neglect I suffered figured I had by default until I 'let slip' some of my other difficulties that couldn't be explained by a psychological condition within my circumstances, and the fact that my symptoms preceded the time of the separation/neglect. It's also possible that one condition could exacerbate the symptoms of the other.

So what does that person think of people who genuinely have difficulties with social sills and routines, sensory issues, etc.?


Yes there are some aspies who do us it as an excuse for their behavior and those piss me off so that person just had a bad experience with every aspie he ran into online or in real life.

Just how would he know you use it as an excuse? He barely knows you. Or he just said that because you told him he doesn't know much about it so he said it as a comeback. Just lame because he made himself look like an idiot.

Are you sure you weren't just using Asperger's as an excuse to tell him to f**k off? =]

Poor response - a polite one explaining how you disagree with him would be a lot more effective.

I use it as an excuse to get away with some stuff I do. Why not?

Will you take something without paying for it and use your AS to avoid arrest and jail time?

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 05 Jan 2009, 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I love the "bad parenting" line.

I am the 4th of 6 children. All of my brothers and sisters are NT.

What an idiot. I'm glad he had the courtesy to let you know up front, in no uncertain terms, that he is a complete loser that you should not waste your valuable dating time on.

His loss.

Let me make it clear that the poster was obviously not intelligent enough to know that people go by a case by case basis. Not all use this classification (I don't view it as a disorder or syndrome) to excuse their behavior. He also seems to be miseducated about the causes of the classifications.

On the other hand I do know what hes talking about and its a sore subject for me. Basically I knew this girl from my ex who was also her ex and she was like that. Me and her had it out numerous times. She would constantly have little tantrums and everything had to go her way. Her father paid for her apartment (lucky her my last apartment was $975 a month and it was in a crime ridden neighborhood and across from a bar) she went to college for therapy and everything but no class except one a semester. Her obvious difficulties with managing her emotions and socially was all blamed on it.

I really didn't want to be around her especially when we would meet people she would go "oh hey this is Brandon he has Asperger's too. " I would jokingly respond "yes but my emotions don't change every thirty seconds ... " She used to hate that but in the end all her friends wanted to hang with me and when she kept trying to get my ex back she failed everytime (until I dumped her).

Eventually she got on my bad side real bad by threatening me and my girlfriend with her little group of friends "the rainbow mafia" (I used to call them the carebear mafia). In the end it really annoyed me that she took something I have and misrepresented it to the point that the uneducated people would think we are similar. Also theres so many stories in the media about us and bringing out the most extreme cases (usually dual diagnosis that never acknowledge the other diagnosises.

For instance in the local paper they had a dear abby type letter talking about a family with someone with asperger's who beats up his sister. Now I'm kinda laying low because I'm very open about the fact that I have the classification of Asperger's because I feel like I'll bring it up and someone will be like "oh like that kid who beats up his sister." Its like how am I supposed to explain that normal Asperger's don't have those highly emotional characteristics and that is something else that is making him behave that way. People here have much more faith in the media then we did in New York.

I do however sometimes use it jokingly for instance when I do my bad comical dancing I blame it on the incoordination associated with it. In the same way that someone uses I was born with two left feet.

That "apathy" faux pas is one of the sweetest I've ever seen.

All sorts of people use all sorts of things as excuses... to single out Asperger's is short-sighted and puzzling. Each person alone knows within himself how much effort he's expending. From the outside it's only guesswork.

I have to agree on this -- responding and explaining the fallacies within his logic would have been much more effective. Responding in the manner which you did seems to just provide him additional backing that you are correct. (Even if we know that isn't true)

maybe this guy actually meant apathy...no?

That is also another giveaway about how clueless he is... my parents have brought me up right, a good family with appropriate morals and discipline.



Yes exactly! Thats why it pisses me off... he knows nothing about me! It wouldn't piss me off as much if it was true.



No. He really pissed me off. I don't need an excuse. Hopefully he will never contact me again. I go off my tree, possibly a little too much. It didn't help that I was already in a bad mood yesterday, nice extra, having some stranger spurting smart arsed s**t he knows nothing about.