Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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I surprise myself every day with how much I've changed since therapy

Like sometimes I only know how the old me would be in a situation and then I go and do something and it feels like I'm another person because im so different to how I used to be

It's really weird

Breaking out of almost half a centuries worth of trauma induced mental illness is literally like getting out of prison

if my therapist told me that this is how I would feel when I first met him, I would never have believed him.
In fact I think I would have sacked him off straight away because I'd have thought he was selling me a load of pork pies

The way I feel these days is completely new to me

Its like nothing else

I've had to puke up a pretty big demon to get this far

Metaphorically speaking

I deserve better in the future than what I got in the past

I found a little bit of light in the dark and that's what I learned

I have found I dislike most things modern. I love things the way they were. Examples:

The organ I play at church (my own organ) is a sixty year old Hammond E143 with Leslie. I have two other Hammond console organs in my house --- one is 1956 C3 and the other a 1961 A102 with Leslie 22H.

I have an Airstream camper -- 1961 Overlander.

I cannot stand today's movies and television, I watch 1920s thru 1960s horror movies and television.

I am a roller coaster buff, but mainly for 1920s thru 1960s wooden models -- not steel except for two models -- the 1970s Intamin and Arrow Development shuttle loops. There are a few other steel coasters I loved, from forty plus years ago.

I collect both roller coaster and house blueprints -- vintage for both.

I find myself finding modernized things inferior. I know the technology is more advanced, but at least when the electric went off years ago, one could still function. As for most modern things -- they are not constructed as well as older things. There's too much plastic today. Things don't last. My parents had a 1970 Zenith color television than played hours a day and laster for forty years. My mother had a clothes dryer (GE) that she used constantly, and it lasted for fifty years. My father had a 1950s refrigerator he kept running in the garage. It outlasted him and was given to another family member. It lasted seventy years with no breakdowns.

So my condition is finding modern things a turn off for me. I believe things were better years ago.

I think I'm going a bit mad over here. I have a picture of Stephen Foster as my phone background and I like to believe he's actually in my phone gazing at me whenever I unlock my phone. He's there. Maybe I was him in a past life.

Like Glider18 s post.. And it makes sense to me.
Gotta say given this threads beginnings have spent much time Excising many demons from my past,that before I might not have recognized them for the monsters they were.

I think if someone says they're having suicidal thoughts then that should take priority over and above your personal feelings about that particular person

This is part of the reason I don't spend much time on the internet anymore because I witnessed this happen to a person and they haven't been seen since

This has affected me deeply

I wish people would f*****g grow up sometimes

Sorry about the language

I'd rather a person call me the worst insults in the world if it stopped them from shooting themselves in the head

My adopted mother tried to force me in to a position where I had no choice other than to kill myself

Now that's a big pill for me to swallow, let me tell you

I've known it for years but it's not very often it comes to the front of my mind

I think sometimes all you've got is a will to survive

I'm nothing more than an animal

It's hard to believe it was 40 years ago

Feels like yesterday

I have been manic.

It always takes the same form, but somehow I never recognise it till it passes.

I've stopped feeling embarrassed about it but I always feel deeply apologetic.

You have been through the wringer, babybird.

I have had deep soul-bonds with people who are dead, Tamaya why not? If you catch a glimpse of the essence of a person and find it beautiful, surely it can only enrich your life? I have dreams in which my favourite authors speak to me and it does really feel like they are 'there'. That Samuel Johnson set me to poetic recitation and when my meter was off, he was so enraged he tried to strangle me. Give me Coleridge strolling along the beach being Boring about theology any day, or Oscar Wilde telling tall tales about how the saints get to heaven.

^ Stephen Foster looks much nicer than that the big soulful eyes on the lad.