Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Can't wait for it to get easier for you mate. Bring on the next stage.

Its been a battle to find who I am again

I feel like I've been faking it for months

Are you starting to get back some of that sense of yourself now?

It takes real courage to look at it squarely.

Yeah I mean I went through spells where I was feeling like an imposter in my own body and I was struggling to find my own thoughts
That's really sh***y

I wish I understood this better. It sounds like a loss of agency and just really scary and sh***y.

I have never fought anything as you are fighting this. You are fighting tooth and nail.

It is amazing. No one should have to do it.

Yeah I've probably had some kind of psychosis

Past tense anyway because I'm doing my best to look forward now

All that dark stuff was traumatic in itself so if I talk about that then I'm remembering that trauma

That is not happening to me now

I hope you'll come back to it when you need to mate but it truly seems like you're due a break from this godawful stuff.

I think it is a good thing to talk about, when it is good for you, in a way that is good for you.

There is such a strong sense of who you are coming through on these boards and it has meant so much to so many people. You are a person who gives and gives.

^ I hope that today will take you somewhere Completely Different and you can... forget it completely, absolutely, be free a while. It'll be there when you're ready to poke it.

I have felt really pushed lately but this is a build if of years and years of stuff

Not if, when I get through this I know I will be a much stronger person and I know that the stuff that was too much for me before will be like a walk in the park

My therapist is a special kind of person
I'm an "off the books" patient and some days when I'm struggling I text him relentlessly (because my head just doesn't give me a break from it all) and he just let's me do it

If I am a kind and giving person then it's all his fault because he's more or less been a parent to me over the last couple of years

I told him that the best "thank you" I can give him is if I pay forward the generosity he has shown me. So that's all I try to do

This is brilliant. I'm so, so glad you've got this.

You're not taking something; you're accepting something that he's offered to you sincerely, because he can and he wants to. I'm really glad you're accepting it in the spirit it was meant and making use of it. That can be really, really hard. But it sounds like this too is another way in which you can thank him for what he's been to you.


From what you've said of him if he could see these boards he'd be really fecking proud of his role in it "could even stand to be a bit smug, that man, sounds like," is what I wrote before I edited, but actually to me it still feels like the credit is to you. You choose what to do with what you're given and you're amazing here (and all your other places too, I am sure). That's who *you* are, like.


Yeah this is really clear and you were strong to start with.

You're really flying it, babybird.

Passing on kindness to people who deserve it is a privilege

I had not thought about it in those terms before, but, now that I have, I would agree strongly.


My bit for this thread:

I am not up, not down, just fine. It is an amazing feeling.

But also I have been thinking about my past (it is a good time for me to do this, I think, because I can do it without distress). I feel a bit like a patchwork quilt, sewn together from different pieces - I have said this to people before without really considering what I meant by it. Some things I pull up to examine only when necessary and then tuck away again for years. When I have been able to I have preferred to hold on to an overarching narrative that elides certain events and occurrences - this has benefitted other people but it has also benefited me. I think it is what people mean when they talk about compartmentalisation. So I would like to make a point of keeping the entire view in mind. I can just hold it in my mind, now, without it spilling over. And I can politely decline to answer a question when I am asked about certain points of my past: I don't need to keep parroting a sanitised version of events. This is all feeling really good to me

Yeah it's good when you make new discoveries about yourself sometimes

Congratulations mate

Thank you very much, babybird.

Truly.

I'm learning more too

I always manage to find something valuable when I come through a difficult time