Why do people ignore you when you're depressed?

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Assuming that all people that try to help believe this, it sort of seems that they have more self interest in the situation. Like you want the gratification of helping somebody or solving their problem more than really trying to understand it. Why would you assume that just one or two interactions, no matter how positive they seemed, would lessen a persons depression so quickly? Depression doesn't work that way. If it were that easy, people wouldn't have such problems with it, and wouldn't have to spend so much money on therapy. Maybe I'm mostly speaking for myself, but sometimes it helps to just bounce thoughts off of someone you're close to. Get insight on a situation from another perspective that you trust. I've often expected my talks with people to make me feel better immediately, and maybe it will for a little bit; then I wake up the next day and am back to feeling like sh*t. I WANT to feel better and have every intention to try, but I just can't control it and don't always know how to go about getting better. Somehow I wake up one day and I just don't feel bad anymore, but my problem hasn't gone away.

I've gone 0 for 3 as far as psychologists and psychiatrists. Or, 1/2 for 3, depending on how I look at it. One person who was generally helpful for me was a speech therapist I hired in my 30s who just seemed to have some horse sense. Another possibility is a doctor who's a GP, who can also prescribe antidepressants. (I have struggled with bouts of depression, have not yet taken antidepressants, but might next time, I like knowing it's available.)

For those of you who have had positive experiences, more power to you. But many of us here at WP have not.

Psychologists seem to play 'challenge.' It's like freshman ethics class in college, for example, if the allies got reports that Hitler was in a hospital, should the allies have gone ahead and bombed the hospital, etc, etc. And whatever answer you give, the person's going to argue the other way! A psychologist is seemingly going to attack your deeply held beliefs, whatever the content of those beliefs. Gee, maybe if someone was bored and was kind of at loose ends with a job, that might be helpful. But if someone is dealing with immediate, pressing, here-and-now problems, no, that's not particularly helpful. But all the same, psychologists sure seem to play 'challenge.' And whatever their particular theoretical orientation, they seem to believe it almost as if it were a religion. (And I for one do not find it particularly helpful to have some braying jackass disagreeing with whatever I believe in.)

And then there's the oppositional thing, that a psychologist or psychiatrist doesn't want to be told what to do.

So, if a client walks into the office and says, 'I think I'm on the Aspergers-Autism Spectrum,' the psychologist says, 'No, you're schizotypal.'

If the client walks in and say, 'I think I'm schizotypal,' the psychiatrist says, 'No, you're on the Aspergers-Autism Spectrum.'

And it is almost that bad. One solution is to learn the soft sell, to keep it very low-key, "I'm beginning to think that I may . . . " that kind of thing.

And then learn some of this on our own, and build a support network which can include such people like speech therapists, hair stylists, personal trainers, etc. People who can just be there most of the time in a straightforward way.

And a regular doctors such as an internist or family practitioner can prescribe antidepressants like Zoloft or Cymbalta just as well as a psychiatrist can. And these medications are trial and error in a respectable sense anyway.

I think it's medium step by medium step and a person shouldn't assume it's going to help all at once. And yes, definitely, some people can focus on the gratification of helping rather than the steady eddie work of doing the actual helping.
I mean, one, being aspie and then two, being depressed. For someone who's neither, going to take a while to wrap their mind around what that's like.

From my experience because you can't/wont follow their exact advice or aren't as motivated to, and are more likely to take things personally which can mean you come of as more unpleasant/defensive than intended. and some people even if they know you're really struggling with depression still expect you not to act depressed.

But I really don't know I doubt it could just be those things that cause it. That is what some people seem to express though. I myself would probably at least try to be there for someone if they are depressed. I mean if I did not have a solution I can at least try to be somewhat supportive or leave them alone if I think that would be best......but not to ignore them, either because they would prefer to be alone or if I feel I'll make it worse.

I know what you mean, that sort of thing makes me rather uncomfortable as well....If someone is going to pay attention to me I prefer more neutral attention like not too much rainbows and cup cakes and not too much hostility. Just an attempt to kinda understand where I am coming from, maybe some advice if they can respect my space by not cramming it down my throat if I find it too hard for the time being or uncomfortable and a bit of support even if the support is just lack of negative attention.

I've never been medically treated for either,
but this a clinical depression description is from webmd:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/major-depression

I think that's what I might prefer, too, someone who's available to give me more neutral type of attention. And not someone who's putting forth all this effort to be some kind of sugary "happiness" zealot.

Interesting aside: My internist last year told me some studies have shown that depressed persons are actually more realistic than nondepressed persons.

my homebaked "rogerian" technique seems to have talked several folks out of their depression, IRL. or maybe they just pretended to feel better just to get rid of me.

And that's fine, as long as you don't overdo it or insist that it "work."

Maybe they're just scared of saying/doing the wrong thing and making things worse so they end up withdrawing completely?

have you had experience with rogerian therapy? granted, rogerian is not for everybody. but i saw one for about 3 years, and he saved my life. what is really strange, is that he was an ex-marine. he went from gung-ho hooah to humane-ness via the GI bill and a PHd.

I can cheer ANYONE up, Even if they're depressed. Everyone says, "Matt, you make me laugh, How do you do it?!" I just shrug. xD

Because a bitter person's mood pollutes everyone else and makes them down and blue for a few days. It's nothing personal but because 90% of the time most people don't know how to help that person without being hurt themselves in the process. If your depressed, PM me. I'll listen and try to help you though.

And this is meant to be a bad thing ?

You have not made me laugh, it must just be me I suppose.

This is pretty much what I would have replied myself; I will only elaborate on point 5. "Sometimes depressed people use and dump on their friends and family (needy) when what they really need is professional help. A non-professional person can feel very overwhelmed when trying to help a depressed person, and may pull back to protect themselves."

When I first developed my mental illness, but before diagnosis, most of my 'fair-weather' friends pulled back fairly quickly, and this was a hurtful lesson for me. One of these friends remained, a fairly naive girl who prided herself on being a supportive friend, and who had done half a social work degree. At first she was genuinely supportive about my depressed state. Then she started trying to 'fix' me. This lasted about a year - her trying to 'fix' me I think was quite damaging to both of us. Then I progressed through untreated mania and psychosis. I distinctly remember the day she tearfully 'gave up' trying to fix me and pleaded with me to go to the doctor. The thing is, it was SHE who wanted to try and solve all of my problems; I asked only for her friendship. After that she was completely burned out and only deigned to tolerate my company. I could have done without her trying to fix me, but I needed her genuine friendship during difficult times, since when I went to hospital there were none of my original friends in my time of need. What I'm trying to say is that perhaps in forming friendships with depressed people we need to realise that all we have to do is listen and be there, and it means a lot to them. Professional support is necessary to deal with the illness. If at first you are not happy with your professional, keep trying to find another one, because there are many good ones out there.