eating disorders?/ pro ana etc.

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I had it once. I felt awful and wanted SOMETHING to feel somewhat good about. I knew I felt good when I was a bit tinner, so I decided to loose a lot of weight. I overexercised and every calory needed to be compensated with physical activity. At one point, my knees were some kind of bulb on really thin legs, and that was the point that I got scared. It didn't look beautiful or healthy in any way, it looked gross as if I was a holocaust survivor. However, I couldn't stop, the idea of quitting my habits scared me more than my knees, and then I fully realized how far I got out of control; there was something that took me over that I couldn't control. In the following months I decided to battle it and eat normal meals and have a healthy exercise, not an extreme and unhealthy one, and won. Years after though, and still now, the thoughts of diet linger in my mind. Now less than a year ago- I'm more and more letting go of it. The main reason for me not to excessively diet again: I felt depressed or really moody all the time, had no fun, my mind was constantly obsessed with eating- not eating and if so, what, and generally felt awful, tired and broken, and I couldn't stop thinking: I reached my goal, now I'm still too fat, I need to loose another 3 kg.

On that note, I once explored a pro-suicide usenet newsgroup, and it was fascinating but terrifying and sad. This was more than 10 years ago, I don't know if these things still fly. Pro-eating disorders sites (the non glorifying ones) seem like a place where people are trying to live with their eating disorders, even though eating disorders can kill you. Pro-suicide sites are scary. Making the choice to kill yourself is something you usually can't undo. And if you don't succeed, the fallout can make you even more miserable.

That said, as a moody, misunderstood, autistic teenager, that newsgroup appealed to me at least as much as it repelled me. They seemed to be two camps, like pro eating disorders - there were the people who glorified suicide and made pacts with each other, and the people who thought it was wrong to glorify suicide, but wanted to offer support to others who struggled with those feelings.

Once, when my clothes got a bit too tight and I wanted to lose a few pounds but didn't want to do the big long term diet thing (I was still in an I went to the pro-ana sites for some ideas. Not ideas to be anorexic but ideas to keep from snacking as much. There wasn't anything interesting on there except that pickles have no calories. I like pickles too!

I am sorry you can't find company easily. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder so I can't relate to that, but in a sense I've always had disordered eating. It isn't and wasn't about weight for me either.

As fo rrecovery, I do want to recover but I can understand people who don't. If it's all you've ever known, it may be extremely hard to quit, and what is "disordered" to someone else, is "normal" to you.

Sweetleaf, I dig what you're saying but I still don't think they contribute. Regular diet sites offer vey similar advice and it's unlikely they don't already starve themselves... also I've never seen any pro ana sites that offered advice I wasn't already aware of... that and no one could encourage me into doing something I hadn't decided for myself to do already.

But heroin, I used to be on heroin and I know how nasty a habit it can become. I'm just lucky I'm incapable of becoming addicted to substances, or so it seems

I have been thinking about something and I wanted to post about it. I always hear people saying eating disorders are about control. But for me it doesn't give me a sense of control. The only time it gets worse is when I'm going through emotional turmoil, it seems to be my alternative to dealing with pain.

I mean it's not just a restricted diet and an absurd amount of exercise. I spent two hours looking at pictures of food I will never eat just a little while ago. I constantly think about food, foods I haven't ever eaten, foods I've only ever tasted, foods I will never taste. And I think about exercise constantly. At night when I can't sleep I think about the various aspects of my eating disorder and I try to think of all the ways it might kill me.

There are some especially gruesome ways to die for those who take it to the extreme. I find this doesn't deter me, but it is very fascinating.

Well I am saying I can just see how it could be a bad thing for say a naive 13 year old desperate to fit in at school, thinking getting more thin will help...and they fine a site that says 'heres a great way to improve' and gives them instructions on how to effectively lose lots of weight and not eat. But yeah I doubt a website would cause someone to develop an eating disorder......but to me its the same with like suicide.....I wouldn't encourage someone to try and I would not encourage someone to starve them self so I would disagree with a website that does either.

I think if I did that there is a good chance I could get addicted......so I'd stick to the less hardcore opiates on occasion, but that's just me. I imagine that would be a nasty habit though and potentially deadly.

I think my eating disorder was/is partly about control. When things in my life are not under my control, it's very comforting to lose myself in numbers. When I feel like I can't accomplish anything, it's an accomplishment to make the scale go down. It's an accomplishment to make it through the day without eating anything. Another part of it for me is punishment. When I used to get upset at myself about a social mishap or generally about having no friends, I would turn to the eating disorder. That trigger is much less since my AS diagnosis.

You have a valid point, but some part of me still feels like the responsibility lies with the parents of children to make sure their kids aren't actively seeking advice from such irresponsible sources. The kind of dumb advice you speak of seems to be mostly given by children as well. Though I do see the problem you're talking about. The sites I go to are 18+ and private so it's hard to explain and impossible to show you what I mean when I say some very responsibly do encourage thinness but only among those who have already chosen it.

I don't think it's okay to publicly encourage suicide or starvation etc. But sometimes I see the sites offering advice for methods etc. As a huge boon for some. Not good for kids and I realize parents can't monitor every second of their kids lives but it is solely their responsibility. However I think it's outright vile and repulsive to tell someone they should end their life. That's not something that should be encouraged in someone who might otherwise be receptive to help. It's very tricky but... I think you are right that no one should tell kids they should starve or puke or take diet pills. But they do and they might always do that so again... they are wrong but it's not them who in the end is held accountable for the well being of a thirteen year old browsing the internet. Very... tricky

You have a valid point, but some part of me still feels like the responsibility lies with the parents of children to make sure their kids aren't actively seeking advice from such irresponsible sources. The kind of dumb advice you speak of seems to be mostly given by children as well. Though I do see the problem you're talking about. The sites I go to are 18+ and private so it's hard to explain and impossible to show you what I mean when I say some very responsibly do encourage thinness but only among those who have already chosen it.

I don't think it's okay to publicly encourage suicide or starvation etc. But sometimes I see the sites offering advice for methods etc. As a huge boon for some. Not good for kids and I realize parents can't monitor every second of their kids lives but it is solely their responsibility. However I think it's outright vile and repulsive to tell someone they should end their life. That's not something that should be encouraged in someone who might otherwise be receptive to help. It's very tricky but... I think you are right that no one should tell kids they should starve or puke or take diet pills. But they do and they might always do that so again... they are wrong but it's not them who in the end is held accountable for the well being of a thirteen year old browsing the internet. Very... tricky

Blaaaah my phone keeps making double posts. I can't wait to get a laptop again.

I am much the same way. I often have to remind myself that I have to eat at least three meals a day to maintain enough energy to function (I am low on energy as is...neglecting my nutrition would only worsen such).
I find that I eat more out of necessity and out of the want of the taste of a particular food than out of actual hunger.