Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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My psychotherapist thinks along with Bipolar I might have Borderline personality disorder which is something rare apparently. I got more mess to sort out now. I had a hypomanic episode yesterday after resolving some issues with my past and then I go to the psychotherapist and as the horrible realization happens that I'm indeed borderline I started feeling suicidal again! This year's been very rough. I can't concentrate on work with all this happening. Wish I was normal.

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you're feeling better at the moment than you were when you posted this.

Made a final big effort and posted this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-yHKuFV9GE[/youtube]

That will probably be it from me with Bipolar videos, at least for a while.

I feel the same way. I belong to a bipolar forum and chat room and I am constantly aware of the ways in which I am not like the others there.

I am BP/AS and avoidant personality disorder (possibly obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, too, although some of those traits are being attributed to the AS). I think I'm finally on a combo of meds that works for me - 300mg Wellbutrin XL, 40mg Lexapro, 300mg Lamictal, 5mg Zyprexa, and a birth control pill (PMDD that affects the BP) every day. I'm going to talk to my med doc about going off the Wellbutrin at my next appointment because it was doing very little/nothing for me when it was the only pill I was on.

Does anyone else take a medication like Zyprexa? I feel kind of weird being on it given that it is usually used for the treatment of schizophrenia but it sure took the edge off of the rabid, frothing desire to cut and stab myself.

I took 2.5mg-5mg of Zyprexa for 9 months (it is commonly used in the treatment of Bipolar) and I developed odd tics in my face, arms and legs. I did some research and found these could become permanent and much worse. The condition is called Tardive dyskinesia and is a well known side effect of anti psychotic medications. Did your psychiatrist mention this to you? Mind didn't so imagine my surprise when I learned it on my own.

I took Zyprexa for about an year and half. For me this drug sucks badly!

It is very difficult to withdraw and it made me depressed, real depressed. What a horror!

About my mess: well I continued to mix the drugs I had and successfully made it to the today appointment with my shrink.

I wrote 5 pages in Word about the drugs I took, the whole situation, everything. Then we talked for a while.

He put me on Flunitrazepam for 2 weeks, then I am allowed to withdraw from the Benzodiazepines.

His opinion is that I need to sleep after I tried for months to withdraw from substances and really damaged my whole body and system.

I do not like this point of view but there is something to it.

Then I can do the withdraw after Prof. Ashton: http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/index.htm

In the end, I maybe was on Benzos 6 weeks. I hate this drugs. I don't like to be influenced at all! (Lithium, Pregabalin, Stimulants are okay)

For me, stimulants were terrible! I self medicated with stimulants and even an SSRI for a few weeks while I was between psychiatrists because I had no choice and they were all I had been (wrongly) prescribed.

So glad that's over.

I'm only on Epilim (Valproate) at the moment but it's clearly not enough. I'm still clearly swinging between a depressive and hypomanic state every few hours accompanied by a whole lot of dangerous feelings that go alongside each. My physical symptoms are gone (thank god) so that's a huge improvement for me - no more catatonia. I don't want to be back on Lithium because last time I was on it although it seemed to work, I was a little TOO numb plus I had chronic fatigue which obviously was not a good thing. Maybe a part part combination would be better. I am actually really keen to try Lamictal, because so many people seem to be on it and I've only ever heard good things about it.

I was on Lamictal 100mg for 16 weeks. I am prone to adult acne and developed a rash on my neck and face. My psychiatrist noticed the rash and asked me about it. (Had I changed laundry detergent recently? Had I used a new lotion? ) When I replied "no" he asked if I could think of a reason why I would have a rash on my neck and face. I said "no" I just thought it was an acne outbreak. He then checked my back and found the rash all over my back.

Lamictal can cause the skin to begin dying rapidly. This is called Stevens Johnson Syndrome. It starts as a rash usually on the upper torso then spreads to the neck and face. It can cause blindness and severe scarring and in extreme cases is fatal. The skin begins dying so fast the body cannot grow new skin fast enough.

Just thought I would alert you to this since you mentioned you had only ever heard good things about Lamictal. The reason so many people are on it, is because it is heavily marketed by the pharmaceutical company that produces it.

My psychiatrist took me off the Lamictal that day.

Thank you very much for that information. I had looked up Lamictal, and read about the rash, but I had gotten the impression that it was highly unlikely to happen and very rare. I will definitely keep that in mind.

My cycling is bad at the moment. I've found myself going from eating a whole pizza on a high to sobbing on a low. On a low I took to scratching myself with the sharp end of an earring (because any scarring/visible trace fades very rapidly within a few hours - definitely most practical form of self harm if you're going to go there) the other night, and was thinking of the possibility of swallowing pills but I was very glad my mum had confiscated the lot and taken them to my parents place.

I'm just desperately waiting on my next psychiatrist appointment (it's been a few weeks since the last because he's been on holiday). I think I need more meds.

Does anybody find when you're on a low you feel this really severe loneliness (moreso than normal) like you're in pieces and emotionally falling apart at the seams and the only way you can manage is if you can find somebody who can hold you together? Like almost in a literal sense, like somebody who will wrap their arms around you and somehow protect you to stop your mind from disintegrating? It seems stupid and weak, because normally I pride myself on holding it together alone.

Awwwwwe I can't believe you had that happen , I've heard of that and it's honestly one of the side effects that scare the crap out of me. I've been avoiding meds that I know have that side affect because it sounds scary. Even though I could be passing up on the right med, I feel better safe than sorry. I still get acne too, mainly on my back. Now I'm more scared LOL.

Yes I've totally had that happen. Fortunately I have one really good friend at the moment who looks after me in that way. We're not actually dating or anything. He'd never admit but I think he worries about me committing suicide. I also offer to look after friends with similar problems in that regard.

Yeah, I did read that, and I have the tics too. At this point I think the benefits outweigh the negatives.

News from Hal:

I saw my shrink on the 2nd. Before the appointment I wrote him 5 pages about the current situation. I always do that to avoid misinterpretation. He was reading my report somehow more serious then he usually does which made me nervous and playing with my iPhone.

Well the result was a prescription for Flunitrazepam, some may now it under the name Rohypnol. His opinion is that we need to restore my sleeping pattern before I can start the withdraw from Benzodiazepines. Here in Germany Flunitrazepam is only prescribed on a special narcotic receipt so it is really the last choice and only used in extreme cases of insomnia.

This really told me where I am and what is coming up for me in the next couple of weeks. I still take my 0.5 mg Alprazolam at the evening against the anxiety and on the first two days with Flunitrazepam I needed 2 mg to maintain sleep. I took 1 mg and woke up after 3 hours and was awake like hell. No way I could go back to sleep.

Primarily this is all the result from the antipsychotic withdraw but after trying for two months there was simply no other option to use Zyprexa, cause a depression and then stop from 100 to 0. I tried so often to withdraw with not sleeping for 2-3 days but see what mess I caused.

My receptors are kind of weird and I was to autistic to tell my doctor about Zyprexa or Seroquel side effects. It took me 7 years to do it and now I'm dealing with the crap.

Benzodiazepines don't make me feel "relaxed" or "good" at all. I feel impaired and I can notice the same disquiet as I noticed in the antipsychotics but the cognitive functions are much better.

Flunitrazepam has bad image but for some people it is really life saving. I am glad my doctor is able to understand the situation, respects my autism and prescribes what is necessary.

Just another perspective:

I have severe allergies to all sorts of things (plants, dust, foods, metals, medications...) that typically cause hives and itching. I'm on 300mg/d Lamictal and am doing just fine on it. I'm genuinely surprised that I did not develop the rash.