not sure if I have Aspergers or not

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The thing is the way I act on the outside is very different than how I feel on the inside.

I have a monotone voice so people assume I have no emotions but on the inside I am actually very emotional and sensitive.

Sometimes I feel like I read people too well. I actually will react very defensively to the slightest change in facial expression. If they show disappointment or disgust, or passive aggression, I usually pick up on it immediately, and I will shut down. If I ask them if they are offended, they will usually deny it but I know they are lying, because eventually the truth comes out... it always does.

If someone is sad, I feel sad too. If someone is energetic, I will become more energetic. To me this indicates normal empathy rather than autism.

I act like an Aspie on the surface, but I really don't think I am. Only one of my therapists has ever made the diagnosis.

I don't think there's enough information here to go by. It sounds like you're just being human-- and you seem to have empathy, which would lead one to believe you're not autistic. The "therapist" who diagnosed you-- was he/she a doctor, or just a therapist? A lot of them overstep their field of knowledge. I saw one over the summer who was a total scam. The guy charged $150 an hour (more than my psychiatrist) and $250 an hour for a special "diagnostic session" where he asked me a bunch of questions I could have answered in an online survey. A lot of them think they're doctors but they aren't.

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Check out "Problem Child," my memoir of life with autism.

The therapist who diagnosed me actually had a son with Aspergers which led me to believe that he knew what he was talking about.

My family also thinks I have Aspergers and I respect their opinion... to an extent.

But the truth is they do not know me on the inside and I will not accept a diagnosis I do not trust.

I don't know, I do have a lot of surface Aspie traits, but I just don't know if I have enough of them to qualify me for a diagnosis. In my mind, admitting to Asperger is admitting to a defect, not because I think Aspies are defective, but because that is the way the majority of the population views them (on a subconscious level). People without Aspergers feel they are superior to Aspies in emotional intelligence, but I feel that I have high emotional intelligence, even though it is expressed differently from the norm.

I just don't think I am emotionally unintelligent. I think I see things other people don't. Perhaps that makes me a narcissist I don't know.

Again, I kind of think in an ideal world, the diagnosis of autism would be removed entirely, because people would respect the strengths of the Aspie and not just demonize them for their differences. Unfortunately the latter is what I have found to be true.

Again, I just don't know, I may just be a complete nerd who has suffered a lot of abuse. I really don't know.

I'm currently researching the topic at hand, and even with all the info I've found, I'm still not sure. I'll bring my research to my shrink and see.

Here are some symptoms/behaviour thats typical of Aspies;
-Strong tendencies to be very literal in understanding of spoken or written language, and an inablility to read body language.
-Impaired ability to perceive(and apply) social cues/unwritten rules and an inability to understand thoughts, feelings and motivations of others.
-Often interrupt, shift topics, or display excessive questioning in conversations.
-Difficulty with the give and take of conversation, tendency to give monologues about an obsession, and rarly participate in group conversations.
-Difficulty with teamwork
-People with AS have normal or above normal IQs
-Individuals with an autism spectrum condition are impaired in achieving local coherence(meaning of a sentence in regards to the general theme of the converstation).
-Some common AS traits are catastrophic thinking, perfectionism, and a tendency to suffer alone rather than seeking social support because they have a desperate desire to be left alone.
-The majority suffer from abnormal sleep patterns. As babies they are likely to cry until late in the night, and sleep difficulties often persist as they grow older.
-Up to two-thirds have prosopagnosia (difficulties with face recognition). The condition is usually mild in those with AS(difficulty recognizing the faces of near-strangers or acquaintances).
-Often have exceptional abilities with computers, numbers, patterns and mathematics(a symptom of Semantic-Pragmatic Communication Disorder, SPCD, which is characteristic of Asperger Syndrome)
-Aspies will stick to their positions, even in the face of intense social pressure.
-Enthusiasm and a propensity for obsessive research ensure that Aspies develope a deep base of knowledge in subjects of interest, but it takes up a lot of the family’s financial resources, space or time.
-Stress, frustration and anger in reaction to interruptions / distrations.
-Not everyone with an ASD suffers from motor clumsiness (estimates range from as high as 90% to as low as 50%, according to Fitzgerald and Corvin, 2001)
-Chore division and sharing of responsibilities may be so one-sidedly piled upon the higher functioning partner that the AS spouse acts like and demands as much or more attention than the children.
-The main areas of parenting deficiency in AS adults seem to be with planning, time management, wise setting of priorities, and difficulties with multi-tasking.
-From few words, an AS child may suddenly speak in full sentences rather than going through some of the trial and error steps shown by other children.
-AS child knows that he is different and not accepted by others, but rarely has insight into "why".
-AS children do not understand that the telling of secrets and lies and keeping them hidden from others is the cornerstone of much early social bonding. They do not understand that sometimes hiding the truth or fudging it is what keeps a bond together.
-For most AS high school students, homework is a major challenge. The student has not developed study skills that help them record assignments; they forget texts and materials needed to complete lessons, have a poor concept of priorities and little success with envisioning efficient sequences to accomplish tasks. They manage their time poorly, and don't know how to initiate projects.
-AS students put perfectionist demands on themselves that are unrealistic, often as a result of having been repeatedly criticized.
-The stress of holding it together while at school/work may cause the individual to have a mental shutdown as he arrives home. He may disappear to his room/office or sit at a computer or video game for hours trying to unwind. He may sleep for hours, upsetting family life at a time it is likely to be the most active.
-Often wear similar clothing day after day regardless of fashion
-Have difficulty managing money or be very controlling of spending to the point of discomfort.
-Either have very little interest in sexual intimacy / their partner or have an overly high sex drive
-Dont understand the actions or emotions of their partner, have difficulty expressing emotions in general and are usually very blunt when they do express emotions.
-Difficulty expressing empathy to others, eg. condolence, congratulations
-Very knowledgeable in fields related to their interest but have poor skills in other areas
-Forgetful or unaware of the significance of important dates or events - I.e. their spouses birthday.
-Problems retaining employment
-Can be perceived as physically or emotionally cold towards their children
-Prone to depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders
-Difficulty offering criticism without appearing insensitive, and also difficulty accepting criticism
-Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance
-Difficulty reciprocating greetings or pleasantries
-Rigid adherence to rules where flexibility is desirable
-Difficulty distinguishing between acquaintance and friendship, and fail to form friendships
-Difficulty initiating or maintaining eye contact
-Either very disorganised or completely neat
-Poor personal hygiene
-Dependence on step-by-step learning procedures
-Difficulty starting a task, needs to finish one task completely before starting another, and has little motivation to perform tasks outside personal interest.
-Apparent lack of common sense
-Difficulty assessing cause and effect
-Avoids socialising with other employees on or off the job
-Difficulty handling relationships with authority figures
-Difficulty with unstructured time
-Distant/reserved emotionally(this is as perceived by others and is not necessarily true)

sources:
http://www.grasp.org
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php ... Itemid=188
http://jobaccess.gov.au/ServiceProvider ... utism.aspx
http://www.metaphoricalplatypus.com/Art ... rgers.html
http://www.metaphoricalplatypus.com/Art ... tions.html
http://www.metaphoricalplatypus.com/Art ... Myths.html
http://www.autismhelp.info/adults/emplo ... ,1-1.aspx#
http://www.autismhelp.info/adults/diagn ... 2,1-1.aspx
http://www.aspires-relationships.com/as ... milies.htm
http://www.aspires-relationships.com/as ... by_age.htm

Thanks for the info.

I do fit more than 3/4 of those characteristics.

Growing up, I was always isolated from people. I didn't really think of myself as being different from others, but upon reflection, I clearly was.

I hate to lie, I will often tell the truth even if I know it is to my own detriment. I do take criticism very personally and yet I am very critical of others. Eye contact is difficult. I certainly don't trust authority figures mainly because experience has taught me they are not to be trusted.

My intelligence is above average, I graduated from a respectable college, always did well in school, and yet I am basically a failure in life due to my inability to play by the normal social rules that everyone else takes for granted.

I have severe SA, depression, obsessive thoughts, etc...

I could go on and on, but yeah, I fit most of those traits.

Wow, that's some heavy stuff.

Perhaps you are autistic but trained yourself to notice facial expressions. Some of us especially me can be very overly sensitive to things including others emotions or others perceived emotions but we can express it wrong so others can misinterpret it as lack of empathy.

I am very sensitive to perceived emotions but sometimes I am wrong about them. I guess I was overcompensating.

I was not diagnosed until a few years ago. If I was diagnosed earlier in life I would probably be more well adjusted. I never thought of myself as being different but if I had known that I was different and why I was different, maybe that would have been helpful.

Whatever, the past is the past. It's not a big deal. I know I have my strengths and my weaknesses. That is all that matters.