Strange things happening, looking for suggestions

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I have AS and a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with bipolar I disorder (with rare but severe episodes of psychotic mania -- paranoia, inability to sleep, mild hallucinations). I've found a lot of ways to manage my issues, and I live a fairly successful, fully independent life, as I have for the past five years. Knowing what's going on has allowed me to deal with it without medication so far (especially since trying medication has never gone well for me). Also relevant to my current issue is that I have allergies and get very ugly eczema on my legs and occasionally my arms.

I'm also convinced I have narcolepsy. I have all of the symptoms except obvious cataplexy. I seem to dream all night, starting the moment I fall asleep (I dream even if I sleep only for a few seconds). I wake up frequently during the night, and every time I wake up it's always in the middle of a dream. I can't remember a time in my life when I ever woke up feeling rested and energetic. I seem to be permanently tired, leading others to accuse me of simply being lazy. I get strong hypnogogic hallucinations (I even seem to start dreaming before I actually fall asleep). I occasionally get sleep paralysis as well. Most importantly, whenever I feel stressed, I get incredibly sleepy. Usually I can fight off the sleep and remain awake, but in a haze. If I'm at home, trying to do work at the computer, and it's at all stressful, I can quickly get so sleepy that I just lean back on the sofa and fall asleep for half an hour or so. It tends to help for a while, but inevitably I get sleepy again, until I give up trying to work. I'd like to get this properly diagnosed and treated, but it's just too expensive and my insurance won't pay for it.

Usually it's pretty obvious when I am stressed. I feel either worried or panicked, or overwhelmed. In the past, when I've been under prolonged stress for long periods of time, I've ended up getting meltdowns. Lately, none of that has happened. But physically, I'm showing all the signs of intense stress. My eczema is flaring up terribly, and even my steroid cream doesn't help. I keep getting canker sores in my mouth. And I'm super-sleepy all the time. I'm falling asleep whenever I have the chance. I can't seem to get all my work done because I'm too tired to focus. I'm too tired to read or watch TV, too tired to play video games.

But I can't understand what's going on. I don't feel stressed. I do have a lot to do. I'm in the middle of starting a new part-time job (switching to part-time on my current job as well). I have a LOT of writing to do for the new job (magazine editor) as well as a lot of writing to do with my current job (English teacher - I need to write detailed evaluations for all my 40 students). On top of that, I'm trying to get together all the documents I need to extend my visa (which is going smoothly, but does require a lot of my time). The biggest thing is that I'm trying to reform the way we teach our classes in my program. I'm designing a detailed method to teach based on points, using the methods that keep people hooked on video games to motivate the kids, reward them for their work, and encourage them to keep trying and get better rather than giving them a grade on boring work and moving on to the next thing without any real chance to improve. I'm really excited about this project, and my boss is giving me full support to develop and implement it. I have plans to write a guide for teachers once I have developed it well enough for it to work consistently in all classrooms.

Unfortunately, I don't get much time to work on it because of all the other things I have to do.

In the mean time, I'm noticing very strange things starting to happen. I suppose some of it is simple derealization (another common sign of stress that I've experienced many times before). Often I'm not sure if I'm awake or not, the world doesn't seem real, things seem "off" somehow. This is uncomfortable, but nothing I can't deal with. I know it's just another sign of stress and worrying about it will only make it worse. It generally doesn't interfere with my life in any important way. I'm also getting headaches a lot, something that doesn't often happen to me.

The really bad thing has to do with words. I'm hyperlexic, have been reading since I was 3 and writing since soon after that. Even when everything else in my life was confusing and difficult, words have always been there for me. I can understand what I read far better than what I hear or see. And I can express myself through writing much better than when I try to speak.

For the past couple of weeks, the words have been acting strange. I keep misunderstanding what I read. Simple things. Just this morning, I sent an email to a student's mother asking if she'd be in class today (the other students are all away on a trip so she's the only one left). She sent back a one-sentence email saying she wouldn't be there. I planned to leave work early, and on my way to the door I was surprised to see her sitting there waiting for me. I looked at the email again: she had written that she *would* be there. Very clearly. Yet I had misread that very simple word.

This is happening *all the time.* Worse, I'm finding that I don't even write correctly. If I'm not looking at the screen while I type (I type over 100 words per minute without looking so I often look somewhere else), I often look back to see I've typed entirely the wrong words. Sometimes I simply miss a whole word, or merge two words together with letters missing in the middle. Like my brain just shorted out in the middle of typing. The other day I was typing one-handed while eating, not looking at the screen as I typed my name, and looked up to see I'd typed something else (the word "and," which bears no resemblance to my name, though I did capitalize it). This is exceptionally problematic now, because my new job involves *writing* all the time. If I can't do that, I'm incapable of doing my job, and it's really a dream job for me, getting paid to write. This could be disastrous if I can't solve it.

A lot of these things are happening, these little "glitches." It seems to be getting worse. It's even happening while I speak. My best guess is that it's somehow another manifestation of stress, but I just don't get it. I don't feel stressed. I have a lot to do, yes, but I'm managing it, and I don't feel overwhelmed. Neither am I trying to deny or bury any feelings. In fact, I'm *looking* for them. If I could feel stressed, at least I'd understand what was happening. I'm 29 years old, and nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

I've decided that tomorrow (a very difficult day - I have my 2 most stressful classes followed by the "drama club" which tends to be pure chaos) I'm going to take half a diazepam (valium) at the start of work. I haven't needed to take anything like that in almost a year because I just haven't felt overwhelmed, but if this is really some strange new experience of stress, that should help. (On the other hand, I'll have to chug coffee to counteract the sleepiness, which is already difficult to resist even without tranquilizers.) Based on what happens, I'll try to figure out what to do.

Until then, I'm really open to suggestions. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Why would this suddenly happen now, during what appears to be one of the least stressful periods in my life (compared to earlier years when I had all these neurological problems without even knowing what was going on or getting any support or help from those around me)? What can I do about it?

In high school a lot of these symptoms began for me as a result of settling for cheap coffee. Try & walk to a good espresso bar or just make a liter of tea or so every morning. That's how I got a diploma...

Perhaps you should visit a neurologist at this time.... I would not mess around with anti-anxiety meds and caffeine if I were you.

I have had similar issues this semester. I have 30 student interns for the first time, and had some extra financial worry. I get odd headaches localized to the parietal and sometimes occipital lobe, left side only, which sometimes cause the lower portion of my visual field to be obliterated as if with bright light. Also have had increasing difficulty with written language, despite hyperlexia . But I suspect it is stress because I haven't had any symptoms since my students went home at end of semester! Remember that stress can be from positive changes too, and that our bodies react to stress differently as we get older. I also realized that I was eating foods to which I have sensitivities , such as dairy, gluten and caffeine. I didn't cut these out completely but have cut back drastically and feel much better. Sleep helps--if you cannot sleep well I would address that issue first, and see whether the other problems aren't reduced. Seek out a sleep therapist, or possibly try acupuncture if there is a reputable practitioner you can afford.

BTW, I enjoyed your blog while you kept it and am glad you are otherwise well. Your writing is outstanding!

The hand not typing what you thought you typed etc do seem like they would be worrying. I would see a doctor, a GP is probably ok at first, but ultimately a neurologist would be best.

Make a simple outline list of symptoms. One sentence per bullet point. Take this with you and give it to the doctor.

It sounds like you are extremely exhausted. This can cause the weird sleep and wake events you describe. In addition to having a neurological exam as one of the other posters recommended, you should also be tested for sleep apnea. Many people--including myself--suffer from this. It causes extreme exhaustion. Any time you are that exhausted you can get at least some of the symptoms you describe. This is bad for your health. You could have an accident while driving, or while operating equipment, and in the case of sleep apnea, it can also cause heart attacks, strokes, and other health problems. So please get this problem checked out.

Thanks for all the responses, guys.

My sleep problems are not new. I had general insomnia even as a child due to stress and anxiety (being autistic and not having it diagnosed, having all my problems blamed on me, constant accusations of "acting out for attention" etc., all the while believing that it really was my fault since that's what everyone kept telling me). During adolescence (about 15 years ago) I started having the more unusual sleep problems, the apparent constant dreaming (this is what needs to be tested to diagnose narcolepsy, whether I skip the "deep sleep" phases and only get REM sleep), the falling asleep during the day, the sleep paralysis, responding to stress with sleepiness (that's the biggest red flag, since normally stress causes adrenaline and gives you *more* energy), etc. It appears to be a pretty textbook case of narcolepsy, and there is treatment for that (and anyway I don't drive or operate heavy machinery in any circumstances, so there's no danger in that sense), but it must be diagnosed in a sleep lab first. I do not think it is sleep apnea. That doesn't really fit. But a sleep lab visit would figure that out anyway.

The issue with this is, as I said, money. My insurance is special "foreigner's insurance," cheaper than resident insurance but it only covers walk-in visits at a major hospital. I do not have my own doctor and only go to the doctor when I'm really sick, because I have to wait for 2-3 hours to be seen each time (and then my insurance still doesn't pay for any medication I might need). This is part of why I'm starting this new job. I will make more money, and finally be able to afford the tests that I need for that, or maybe just buy better insurance. Right now, it's not an option. I really can't afford to go to a doctor unless it's really, absolutely necessary. Not only do I not have time, and I'd have to pay for much of it out of pocket, I'd also lose money by missing work. I get paid per hour and the hospital departments I'd need to visit are not open on weekends or evenings. Part of the price of living in Prague, I'm afraid.

There's an additional issue here of language. Even if I find a really good doctor, there's no guarantee that they'd speak English, and my Czech is really not good enough to manage medical issues.

Hence posting on here rather than just going to see my doctor. And I think it probably really is just stress. It's a good point that stress doesn't have to be a result of negative things. It can also be from positive changes. I do have a low tolerance to stress and being overwhelmed even with good things that I love doing can certainly cause problems. I remember once enjoying a romantic evening with someone and getting a meltdown as a result of all the sensory overstimulation. Frustrating, but unavoidable, really.

I do have a lot on my plate right now. So much to do, and so little time to do it in. The sleepiness is the biggest problem. Even if the stress isn't negative, it still makes me fall asleep, which prevents me from getting anything done. Not being able to get everything done is what's causing the stress, so it's a self-perpetuating cycle.

It seems the most likely temporary solution is to try the diazepam. Just once, I don't mean I'd start taking it regularly. I have years of experience with this particular medication and I know its dangers and how to use it safely. If I take half a pill today at work, I will not take it again for at least a month or so, to make sure I don't build up any tolerance or dependance, which happens so easily. If the pill helps, then I know it really is just stress. This extremely busy period should end within a month, so if it's just the stress, I should be able to ride it out and then settle down as the school year winds down. If it doesn't help, then there is something more going on and I will give more consideration to visiting the hospital and seeing if it's possible for me to get some assistance without breaking the bank.

I've made a list of all the things I have to do, and all the things I want to do. Both lists are quite long. I wish I could stay awake long enough to get done all the necessary stuff so I could get down to the business of all the brilliant, inspirational things I really get excited about...

In my view, American pharmaceuticals can be rather dangerous. You can PM me about objectives you might have for 'plan b,c, 4, d etc...', those are things I really prefer to do with herbs or at least naturally.

I'm not taking American pharmaceuticals... I live in the Czech Republic. I take half a dose of diazepam maybe 3-4 times per year, under extreme circumstances (like when I'm about to have a meltdown at work, which is a thing I can't do). Yes, these medications can all be dangerous, regardless of what country they're made in, but I'm not doing anything dangerous in this case.

As a general update, I did take my half a pill in the middle of my work day. Usually it has the effect of making me feel extremely relaxed and laid back, slightly giggly, and maybe a little sleepy. This time, none of that happened. I mean, I felt pretty relaxed and laid back, but no more than I had the rest of the day. Usually I can feel the moment it kicks in, but this time I didn't. No noticeable differences, except one: I feel much less sleepy now. The need to lie down and take a nap is pretty much gone.

This to me is another very strong piece of evidence for narcolepsy. These pills remove the feelings of stress. The only obvious effect of that is to make me more awake. Less stress = less sleepy. Not a normal brain chemistry reaction at all.

It's great, because it means I can keep being productive even after my long day. I plan to get a lot done before going to bed tonight, to make the most of this situation. I know the effects will wear off soon, and I won't be able to take this medication again for at least a month or so if I want to avoid potential danger (and I surely do). So I anticipate the constant sleepiness and other problems returning in force within a day or two, but at least I know now that it really is just the stress, which should drastically lessen in a month or so.

In the meantime, I need to add "get better insurance" to my to-do list. My current plan expires at the start of July anyway, so now that I'll be getting better pay, I might as well get better insurance. Then over the summer, when I have plenty of free time, I should be able to organize getting a diagnosis and hopefully treatment of my sleep disorder.

Now, if I can just get the evaluations written today for at least my first or second grade class, I'll be doing well.