Being called a hypochondriac is getting old - suggestions?

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I've been told my whole life that I'm a hypochondriac. I'm quite sure that I'm not, but I sort of understand why people think I am. There's just a lot of things wrong with me. I don't generally self-diagnose, and I never say "I have ___" unless it's diagnosed by a professional. Still, I'm a very analytical person who enjoys exploring the details of symptoms and how/why they happen, so it ends up sounding like I'm someone who just studies illnesses and disorders until I find one I think fits my symptoms and then assume I have it.

I've got a close friend who I always shared this stuff with because I thought she understood. The other day I was venting to her a little about how frustrating it can be going through a depressive cycle, as I have been lately. I have no energy, no motivation, and I know there's no reason for it. I end up getting angry at myself for not being able to just get up and do stuff, and lately I've been trying to give myself a break. Just accept that I'm limited and be patient until I swing back up and get my energy back. But then I worry that maybe I'm making myself worse by allowing myself to succumb to the depression, that I'm causing my own problems by assuming there's nothing I can do about it.

Her response was that I should just stop worrying about it. The tone of her voice seemed a bit off, and I asked her if she thought I was a hypochondriac. She said yes.

I pointed out that all my issues have been professionally diagnosed. I don't self-diagnose these things. She was surprised. All this time she had it in her head that I was just finding these things on Wikipedia and assuming I had them. Even knowing that I was professionally diagnosed didn't help much, though. She still didn't really believe that one person could have so much wrong with them, and so she changed the subject and said it's better if we don't discuss these things.

That was the one person I thought understood, and all this time she hasn't even believed me. And now my coworker, another good friend who I also share many things with, is also starting to use this tone with me. This "sure, sure, I'm sure it's difficult and all, but just stop worrying about it" sort of tone. I'm not worrying myself into symptoms, here. I'm having symptoms of things I'm already diagnosed with which are bothering me and which I just wanted to share with someone.

Everyone seems to assume that one person just "can't" have many things wrong with them. That the odds are against it. They ignore the fact that most of these issues are related. People with autism have a much higher incidence of things like bipolar disorder, narcolepsy, and various physical problems than NTs do. But no one listens.

Here's the list of things I've been diagnosed with.

Neurological/Psychological:
Autism (AS) (biggest issues are hypersensitivity and anxiety, both of which lead to occasional meltdowns and shutdowns)
Bipolar I Disorder
(Narcolepsy - specialist said I probably have it, but the test is too expensive to confirm)
HPPD (long-term effect from previous psychedelic use)
Frequent derealization from stress, anxiety, and HPPD

Physical:
Scoliosis
Vocal Cord Dysfunction (condition with similar symptoms to asthma, but in the throat rather than the lungs and not treatable with medication)
Allergies
Eczema
Tendinitis (wrists)
Old knee and ankle injuries that act up now and then
Generally poor muscle tone (no matter how much I try to exercise and lift weights, I never really get much stronger)
Dry skin/scalp (dandruff)/lips/eyes (doctor said it's because my body doesn't produce enough oil)
Chronic earwax buildup that occasionally needs to be cleaned out by a doctor

All these things combined affect just about everything in my life. I foolishly try to explain to people why I can't do certain "normal" things and they just roll their eyes and call me a hypochondriac. Sorry, I can't go to that concert because of the loud noise and crowds. Sorry, I can't go for a run because my throat would hurt for 12 hours afterward, I wouldn't be able to breathe properly, and my knees and ankles hurt too much. Sorry, I can't go to the park today, the pollen would make my whole body break out in a rash. No, I can't do push-ups because my wrists are weak from old injuries and stressing them causes flare-ups. Sorry, I can't really focus right now because I'm fighting off a sleep attack and barely able to stay conscious. Sorry, my back hurts just from standing for too long because of my scoliosis.

People get sick of me "making excuses" and assume I just don't care, don't like them, or am lazy or don't want to try. Everyone has been telling me I cause my own problems, since I was a little kid and my mother dismissed all my complaints (and refused to let me see a specialist who might have been able to diagnose my AS before I was in my mid-20s). Even when I tell people I've been diagnosed with all these things by doctors, they assume that I somehow "tricked" the doctors into diagnosing me, that I persuaded them something was wrong when it actually was just my imagination.

After almost 30 years of this, it's really taking a toll on me (especially now, when I'm at the low point of my depressive cycle). Now and then I question whether everyone else is right. Is it possible that I've somehow done all this to myself? Is it just my imagination? Is that possible?

It doesn't seem like it could be. But the fact that everyone in my life is telling me I'm wrong and has done so since I was a little kid is really starting to mess me up.

Does anyone have any strategies for coping with this sort of situation? Please don't tell me "just get better friends" or anything like that. My friends are good people and this issue aside, they are very loyal and reliable. I choose my friends carefully. They mean well and they do have my best interests at heart. I know that the way I speak probably gives the "hypochondria" impression, but I don't really know how to change it.

Any advice at all is welcome.

Just don't talk about your health all the time. It's not so much that they think you are making it up, they possibly feel like your health is an obsession that you have to keep telling them about.

I have alot of health problems, but I don't bore people with the intricate details. I just say, "oh, I'm tired," as an explaination and that does because my friends know that I don't keep too well.

I have a friend who I adore, but when I introduced her to other friends all she talked about was her health and told them all the details about the names of her diagnoses and the details of operations she had. And when she left, my friends were like, "she's a total hypochondriac". Her symptoms are real, but it's just not normal to talk and talk and talk about them. It's just not done.

Thanks for the reply. The thing is, I don't think I really talk about it that much. I know I do tend to talk obsessively about a few topics, but as part of my social skills training, I try to keep track of much I talk about various things, and I really don't talk about health issues that much. In fact, I'm generally afraid to talk about it because I know the response I'll get.

For a while I tried a strategy of not talking about my health at all, but that didn't work either. The thing is, these problems really do interfere with everything, and most of the time people invite me to do things, I have to decline. When I didn't explain that I had a health reason for declining, they always assumed that I was either lazy or antisocial. Several people confronted me and demanded to know why I always "look so miserable" and refuse to do anything. Why I'm always "tired." (As though I'm feeling bad just to annoy them.) The first time it happened, I thought the person was just being a jerk. When it kept happening, I decided it was necessary to explain to people my reasons for these things.

It seems to be an impossible situation. Either I let people think I'm a lazy, antisocial, miserable waste of a person, or I let them believe I'm a hypochondriac. The first option tends to leave me without friends. The second tends to leave me with friends who are often annoyed with me. Neither option is pleasant.

Is there some kind of middle road way of dealing with this? Some way of indicating that I have legitimate medical reasons for my behavior without people rolling their eyes and muttering under their breath. There's only so many times I can say "I'm tired" or "I don't feel well" before people stop calling me altogether, assuming it's just another excuse.

Hmm, I'm not sure what the anwer is. I've read alot of information about how to deal with being ill and how to balance that with friendships and I have read a lot of experiences where people felt misunderstood and pushed aside because of illness. You are not alone.

I'm not sure why people in good health can't get their head around the fact that someone who is not as healthy as they are and has limitations and can't accept all of the invites they offer.

Do you ever do the inviting or are you the one who is invited? I'm asking because you could maybe invite your friends to do something that you feel able to deal with and that way you reassure them that you do want to spend time with them and that might help them to not feel rejected.

Actually, I do quite a bit of inviting. 99% of the time I am rejected. People always seem to have a good reason why - most of my friends are current or former coworkers and we're all very busy people. But sometimes I wonder if they're trying to "punish" me for declining their invitations. Every now and them one of them invites me to something I can handle and we have a great time. But the types of things I tend to invite people to, they don't want to attend. Every once in a while I try to invite someone over for dinner, or a walk in the park, but that usually gets refused.

Generally, it seems the types of people who can deal with my odd personality without judgment are also the type of people who enjoy enormous loud parties with loads of alcohol that can last for days on end. So while we get along well, our interests don't match up. The only friends I regularly see outside of events like this are the ones I work with. I haven't seen any of my other friends in months, because I just haven't been up for those loud parties.

I'd like to find more friends with similar interests to me. One or two people who enjoy playing video games, sitting and having a quiet meal or a cup of tea or a beer without inviting 30 other people to get drunk and yell and dance, taking walks in the park, or just sitting and having a quiet chat. But I wouldn't know where to look for friends like that. Especially since I'm an expat here and there's a limited English-speaking community.

I relate to so much of what you are saying. I prefer more meeting up for a meal or a walk in the park than loud parties.

Someone once told me to go for regular walks and see who I run into and try and strike up conversation, or go to coffee shops and find someone to talk to. I know the language barrier may be a problem, but you are more likely to meet like minded people in places you enjoy yourself.

I've never specifically been called a hypochondriac, but I have experienced ignorance and people making false assumptions that I am just not trying hard enough, or its somehow my fault I have depression and anxiety or that I could work and don't need to be on SSI(who the hell are they to tell me that, it was determined by medical professionals and the SSI department I qualify for disability so it pisses me off when people tell me that). And I could think of plenty of examples of people being dismissisive about issues I have, not believing it or thinking its not as bad as I say or being disvalidating and it can be very frusterating, so I can certainly relate to that sort of frustration.

Also its possible for one to have multiple health issues and hypochondria, hypochondria is an actual disorder and I think it would be a very difficut disorder to have....it would be like never being able to stop worrying about health concerns, getting a stomach ache and afraid its some horrible stomach disease you will die of sort of stuff according to what I learned in psychology....even hypochondriacs need understanding and compassion, but not saying you have that just even if you did that in itself is a disorder and its not someones fault if they have it.

I really don't have much of a solution, just can understand the frustration....I usually just try to get some time to myself and just avoid contact with people for a bit when I get frustrated about that....or if its on some site I take a break from it for a while and try to find something else to do. Also sometimes I just don't talk about some of my issues with certain people who are ignorant about them, doesn't mean I hate that person or anything just don't want to have a conversation that will go nowhere with them.

Thanks for the sympathy, at least. I know that hypochondria is a real thing and it must be very unpleasant to experience, but I'm really quite sure I don't have that. I don't worry that every little problem might be a sign of something serious. I just have these problems and, with my extremely analytical mind, I decide I want to know what causes them and, if possible, try to fix them. If a doctor tells me "that's nothing, don't worry about it" or "that's something caused by stress or anxiety, stop worrying and it will get better," then I accept that and it's fine. I don't worry about it anymore.

I don't *worry* about symptoms, but I do *wonder* about them. I'm not content to say "I have a headache" or "I just don't feel well." I'm interested in how my brain and body work, so I like to know the reasons behind these things. I have learned a lot about many different types of conditions just out of curiosity without ever assuming or worrying that I have them. But when I feel that something is really wrong, and it doesn't go away for a long time, and everyone in my life is saying "it's probably nothing," I get frustrated and sometimes eventually go to a doctor to make sure. (Although this really doesn't happen very often - I hate going to the doctor.) Because everyone has always said I was perfectly healthy and everything I thought was wrong with me was my own fault, and they were wrong.

But this sort of analytical interest in my body and health (and the health of others as well) is not the same as hypochondria. For example, I suddenly discovered I was getting blisters in the same place on both feet recently, after being forced to switch from minimal (barefoot-style) sneakers to regular non-minimal sandals when the weather got warmer. It seemed clear that the sandals were causing the blisters, but why exactly? I started analyzing the shoes, trying to pinpoint the source of the problem. Failing that, I decided I'd better make my own huaraches (barefoot sandals). I gathered materials and created a pair, and encountered a problem: terrible, crippling pain between my toes that I always get when I try to wear any sandals that go between the toes. I asked around and discovered that this isn't normal. Most people don't get pain like this. So, there must be something different about either the structure of my feet or the way I walk. I couldn't find any concrete answers there, so I set out to modify the lacing of the sandals so that they didn't jam in between my toes like that. After the first try, the pain was gone, but I discovered another curious thing: when I walked in the sandals now, they tended to slip towards the outside of my feet. So, all the sole material was bunched up on the outside and my big toe was touching bare ground. So somehow when I walk, again either because of the structure of my foot or something in my gait, there was pressure or torque somewhere that caused this rotation. This must be the movement that was causing the between-toe pain before: not straight into my foot, but somewhat to the side. I modified the lacing again and eventually found a pattern that kept them more or less fixed on my foot.

That's how I deal with physical and neurological/mental problems: scientifically. Discover problem, try to determine causes, attempt solutions. And yet whenever I discover a problem (which happens pretty often due to the fragility of my bone/joint structure and severity of my neuro/psych problems combined with the fact that I'm constantly trying to find new ways to improve these things and lead a more active life) and start looking for a solution, people roll their eyes and react as though I've just imagined it up. Even when there's something physical I can show them, like the blisters on my feet, most people still find a way to make it sound like I've done it to myself, probably on purpose in order to get sympathy or attention. Except I'm not asking for sympathy or attention: I'm usually only sharing either in order to explain my failure to do something they think I should be able to do, or to ask for suggestions about what the cause/solution might be.

I suppose it must come down to empathy. I've always been extremely empathetic, to the point where I often imagine I can feel the other person's pain. I can't handle horror films and I cry like a baby whenever sad music plays or someone else looks like they might cry. Other people don't seem to be this sensitive. If they haven't experienced something themselves, firsthand, they simply assume it doesn't happen. That they, individually, are so important and so absolutely the definition of normal, so incredibly intelligent and well-informed, that if something is possible, they will already know about it. Therefore, if they hear about something that contradicts anything they've ever heard, they assume not that they are ignorant on this matter, but that the other person is full of s**t.

It's like the two main reactions I get when I decide it's necessary to disclose to someone that I'm autistic. A very few people react with understanding, sympathy, or interest, but the majority of people react with either "No, you're not, that's ridiculous, you're full of s**t" - aggressive in their dismissal because they've seen a documentary and I don't behave the way severely autistic people do, because my problems are not usually immediately obvious since I've spent my whole life learning to hide them, and they assume that if they haven't detected it on their own, it can't possibly be there... and the even worse, trying to be "helpful" reaction: "Oh, no, I knew someone once who had autism, and they were nothing like you. I'm sure you're fine." This one usually comes with a smile and an unwelcome hug or pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you," as though they are an expert and they know better than all the professionals I spoke to, better than I know myself. In this case they usually knew exactly one autistic person, usually male, and usually 15+ years ago. No matter how much I insist that they are mistaken and try to educate them, they just ignore it. Often I also sense fear in them. The type of person who feels the need to comfort me probably also feels the need to try to help or fix me if there is something wrong, and they don't want to have to admit I really do have this problem and then feel obligated to take care of me -- even though the last thing in the world I want is for anyone to impose their idea of "care" on me when I've had my life pretty well sorted out for years.

I guess this is turning into a venting post. Oh, well. Maybe that's the best I can hope for.

Sometimes I think it can't just be me. There have to be a million little random things wrong with everyone. No one's body works perfectly.The problems I have can't be as rare as all that. Do other people really not have any of these issues? I'm often told I need to "tough it out" and that will make me stronger. Is that how it works with "normal" people? If they continually do something unpleasant or painful, are they really able to simply stop feeling that? Because I know for a fact that when I try to do that, it gets worse and worse until we enter meltdown country and I can't speak to other people for months. Are other people really just that healthy? Or maybe, because I'm so much more sensitive than most people, do they have little problems all the time and just not notice them? Is that possible?