Asperger's, Social Anxiety, or both?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone.

I have been lurking WP and searching the web for some time now seeking answers to what is wrong with me. After having every condition and disorder out there at some point or another, I have narrowed it down to social anxiety with the possibility of Asperger's. I cannot seem to figure out if I am in fact on the spectrum or not due to the fact that while I exhibit traits of Asperger's, there seems to be traits that I should have that I don't.

My story...

As a child, up to the age of 10, I had a lot of friends and was semi-popular at school. My family then moved to another part of the country where I was made fun of at my new school for my accent. I did manage to make a few casual friends, but rarely seen them outside of school. I took a huge self esteem hit because of this and apart from a small social circle I was an outcast for the rest of my school and University years. I did have a girlfriend throughout highschool, have hooked up with a few girls since. My grades in school were very good until I moved, at which point they took a huge downturn. I have a high IQ, and when I applied myself in school I did extremely well I could just never motivate myself. I also have always been a huge procrastinator. Two years ago I had a relationship with a girl that I had known for ~3 years at the time, and to keep a long story short she was a narcissist who devalued me pretty quickly and it hurt me a lot. The worst pain I have ever felt by far, I had lost my best friend and soulmate overnight for no reason whatsoever. Completely cold. This is when the social anxiety became severe. While I've always been a bit shy, I had gained a lot of confidence just being around this girl. She made me feel so high on life, living on cloud nine. I was depressed and grieving the loss of her. I buried myself at home and rarely went outside. I became distant with the few very close friends I had with the exception of my one best friend (who I ended up cutting contact with during this time as my new-found knowledge made me realize he too was a sociopath). I started doubting myself in every possible way, no confidence whatsoever and zero social skills. I am now 24 years old and my depression is gone for the most part, my SA has reduced by a great amount but it is still there, and my social skills are at an all time low. I stumble over words, have a real hard time speaking. I sound and look very very slow. The exception to this is when I am speaking about a topic I know very well. I express myself very confidently, and communicate it very well. I have recently entered counselling, however my counselor is not certified to diagnose so I will need to go to my doctor for an official diagnosis.

Apart from the overlapping SA and Asperger's socializing symptoms, the other Asperger's/Autistic traits I have are:

-I tend to focus on one or a few topics at a time
-I tend to do tasks the same way each time, keep a routine
-Always been introverted, and now I am extremely introverted
-I see the world differently than most people
-Compared to most adults I am slow at tying my shoelaces (not sure if this is a common trait?)
-I can go on and on about things that I am very knowledgeable about
-I often eat the same meal everyday (I think this is more-so due to laziness and never really learned to cook, however)
-I am really good at intellectual things, a little slower on hands on things
-Sometimes get overwhelmed and have trouble managing my emotions

And the traits that seem to discredit that I am on the Autistic Spectrum...

-The odd time I am feeling confident my social skills are pretty good
-Before my recent relationship trauma I found it very easy to manipulate others if I wanted to. I didn't do this however, only lying to save myself embarrassment or giving an explanation I didn't want to give.
-I know how people are feeling by body language, the look on their face, tone of their voice. In fact I feel I pick up on others' moods more-so than most. I can often walk into a room and feel the mood of the room like a sixth sense.
-I don't have trouble putting myself in others' shoes and seeing things from their perspective. In fact since my relationship trauma I've become quite compassionate and empathetic towards others.
-I understand sarcasm and satire, again seemingly more than most people.
-I have taken online tests and only one showed Autism likely as a result, which I believe was because it was mostly focused on the social symptoms of Asperger's.

To sum everything up, I am not completely convinced whether I am on the Autism Spectrum or not. I am thinking I am not, however this could be denial. I am not confident in my past as an indicator that I am not Autistic, that being said I doubt everything about myself and my sanity on a daily basis.

What do you guys think? From your experience does this look like SA, Autism, or both? Possibly something I have not considered? Is it my low self esteem accompanied with my high IQ making me feel like an outcast?

All input and questions appreciated, thanks for reading.

This.
Aspies/Auties can learn how to pick up such cues but it will never be like a "sixth sense". Just memory, experience and logic.
So in my opinion you are not in the spectrum. But of course I am not a doctor.

I have no idea if you have or don't have ASD. But picking up certain cues or the mood of a room does not IMO mean you aren't. Sorting out what to do about it is another story and much more difficult. But some of us who have trouble with taking language literally and verbally expressing ourselves are tuned in to subtleties the rest of the world misses and can be very agitated by other people's moods and the difficulty sorting things out and expressing ourselves. Not saying Xavier is buying into the myth that Aspies and Auties lack empathy (though some certainly do and most people are more empathic to what mirrors their own experience). Aspies and Auties may be extremely empathic and quite capable of noting certain cues.

Cues like "leave me alone" or "I want to start (or end) a conversation" tend to be harder and get missed more than cues like someone is agitated in a quiet way others may be overlooking.

You'd need a professional assessment if you really want to know but I don;'t think you're on the autism spectrum based on your post, I think it's very unlikely. It does sound like you might have social anxiety or you may just have some adjustment issues because of some of your experiences in life (e.g immigration and bullying and bad gf). If you're having problems functioning and want help or are really distressed and want help with your mood then you should see a doctor and get a referral to a psych.