Sucidal ideation

Post Reply New Topic

How many of you struggle with thoughts of wanting to end your own life? I have these thoughts and or plans on how to do it, run through my head constantly. I don't think I'm actually going to kill myself but sometimes I worry about how much I flirt with the idea. I've also impulsively tried killing myself twice now, one guzzling antifreeze and the other using heroin.

The last one, when I overdosed on heroin, was successful but my family found me and I was brought back by paramedics. Was in the hospital on life support for a week. I was so angry i didn't die. Ever since everything has been getting even worse. You'd think I'd have a new appreciation for life after something like that, but truth is I just wish that would have been it for me.

How do you guys manage to live a happy fulfilling life? What do you do for activities? How do you manage socializing with friends?....I feel as though I have nothing. I lost every friend I ever had because I just broke down and turned off my phone and ignored every single friend I had, until they eventually just dropped me...

Have you been able to see a professional to talk about these challenges?

I struggle with being suicidal as well. It sucks to be honest because I'm sure you can relate to the feeling that you wish that you didn't have those thoughts, but you don't feel yourself without them. Infact, my psychiatrist said that it seemed to her that suicide had become one of my special interests and that is why I can't get it out of my head. So I totally understand where you are coming from, I've tried to kill myself twice. I want to stop thinking like that but its hard. I try to find something where I can distract myself, for me I like doing art.
Just remember that the world needs you

It's a struggle I know for sure, but the future has a tendency to resolve most of what made me consider writing off my life. I think your friends could understand resenting your cellphone, just be sure to explain that in person and word will get around eventually. Myself and a lot of people I know are like that, I just default to socializing in person unless it's for work, it keeps me on common ground with people I know, rather than in a struggle to catch up with everyone every day.

Sometimes it's an hour when I wake up before I can bring myself to pick up the 'ole Galaxy SIII, check my messages/emails and contact everyone I need to, let alone any of my friends. Just think of a way to let them know how much energy this can take for some people.

I've thought my friends forgot me over and over before, it never happened once. You just have to remember who among them are the go-to diplomats, and who you really worried about missing.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm not really happy, to be happy I'd have to be in an actual relationship. I get by these days though, though I do still flirt with the idea of suicide sometimes. I've only ever really tried once, I drove into a seriously heavy rainstorm, I couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of me, going 75 miles per hour hydroplaning in my flimsy little car. I was ready but somehow my car never lost control. I didn't really feel anything afterwards, existence and life were just pointless. I'm steadily going uphill these days I guess. Early this summer I faced my greatest personal demon and somehow came out on top and more alive than ever. Should have killed me the way it went down. It took a lot off my mind though and I'm glad I did it. I guess I'm managing these days is because I've started exercising, specifically running, every other day. It blows off a lot of steam. I don't think this is helpful to you though since you already lift. I've also managed to hold onto two good friends and they keep things interesting enough I guess, I'm not just a third wheel to them. I'm afraid I might shutdown and lose them as well though. I think I could manage without them though, not that I want to lose them. You could try to reconnect with the old friends you lost, unless you really don't feel that strongly about them anymore. Finally I find extreme emotional comfort in the music I listen to, it keeps my mind stable and vents emotions before they can bottle to the excess. I'd say this is the biggest reason, doesn't have to be music, but find something that really stimulates your brain in good ways. Something that isn't drugs though

I just had a thought, you could actually join Belegarth. I remember you showing interest in it in another thread. A lot of people really do get a lot out of it socially. There's multi day events that happen every month or two it seems. They require camping at the battleground and all sorts of debauchery and drinking happens at night. I don't know of any realms in Wisconsin where you could join and practice off the top of my head, but there probably is since both Iowa and Illinois are pretty active states. Most new recruits are college age, but there is an equal amount of older people in the sport as well. Something to think about, it gets me out of my apartment and interacting with other people besides my friends. Hell we might actually meet in person, maybe at Spring Wars or maybe even Oktoberfest this year.

(double post )

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

^@Feyokien - I think I've actually taken that a turbocharger or three farther. Adrenaline is far and away the greatest source of endorphins, every time I jump on my bike or drop a gear on ice in a quick car (I'm rally prepping my station wagon in the next few months) I forgo the pointless phase and immediately begin considering either how to improve my set of wheels or what other amusements lie before my destination. If you're bored and single, I highly recommend feeding cars money.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Getting an Aussie-built GTO isn't a bad way to go either. Somebody down the street from my friend's flat over here has one of those and a 3.0t Audi S4 next to it for winter (something we must actually concern ourselves with).

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

No need to feel suicidal. I've felt like this on a few occasions due to feeling unloved in the world and being alone in my bedroom all the time but I have the Internet to keep me company, your not alone feeling like this and it is only a temporary feeling. Sometimes I feel lots of people hate people like me in my town but really it's there problem not mine! I feel money is the root cause of problems in society, everyone's on the rat race, earning a living and forgetting everyone else. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself anymore and I'm going to do something about it, what political parties could I join or what volunteer groups or charities could I join to help our cause? You should do the same !

Bels Ok fest is in Comlara State Park in Illinois. It's a several hour drive for me to get their from central Iowa. That's what's wrong with the internet, you can meet all these interesting people but they're almost always 100's of miles away

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to die. I take psych meds and try not to isolate myself. I don't try to be happy, don't even have happiness as a goal. I just try to make it through each day. I accept that I have suicidal thoughts. I won't actually do it unless my depression gets much worse. I refuse to hurt my family by killing myself.