hi

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I always thought I was relatively normal given my situation growing up. One parent is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and maybe another psychological condition but has always been in denial about it. Since this parent was in denial it was very difficult for me being raised by said parent. I've had quite a lot of people tell me that I seem "off" or that they "can't figure me out" my whole life. I don't know what this means. Some of the things said to me or to describe me in a light sort of way have been, "manic personality", " do you have ADD or something?", "you're really weird", "you look really tired". There have been a lot of other things said to me like this concerning my mental state, or why I thought a certain way about a situation. I also would obsess over people and things a lot when I was younger and probably still mildly now. I have multiple different interests but I'm a zoology major who also finds myself observing people like they're a species rather than humans. I often have trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I'm still tired all the next day. I think this may also be because I think I'm depressed. I also have trouble recognizing my own emotions and thoughts and I tend to think about "thinking" and "feeling" more than I think I should. I'm just trying to sort out my brain so I can be more successful in my everyday life and although it pains me to think I'm a little off I think I need some input here.

hi

have you been diagnosed ?
Just curious.

Yes, I've had this too my whole life.
One instance, I remember my freshman math teacher summing up people in the classroom,
but when he go to me he said " I still haven't figured you out yet " , which to my adolescent mind, I took as a compliment.

People have always been pegging me as something "different", my whole life.
And this isn't a teenage angst thing, like "oh, nobody understands me, I feel like I don't fit in" , etc.
This has been my experience in life, and even now, now when I'm older and all done with it and telling myself,
and wondering "why can't I fit in ? ". "Why do they perceive me as something different ? ".
It's baffling and confounding to say the least. And now that I'm getting older, it's really getting to be a nuissance.
Sometimes a nightmare. Because in order to work and make money , even if you're an entrepreneur, you have to "fit in" somehow to the exploitative capitalist system. Capitalism, the only "system" we dumb apes have been able to come up with, or fall into due to our primitive nature. Just for the record, every economist knows capitalism murders (sometimes directly) innocent people trying to conform to it. Wonderful, ain't it ?

I have your same view. "Humanity" is just another species on this earth. "humanity" , a euphamism if ever there was on. Like "human being". LOL. There are no "beings" on this planet. Just greedy, inconsiderate apes. It's a sad truth. The only saving grace we have is that we can use language (mostly for stupidity) and we create art that inspires innovation. But usually only for the rich. Which is another great aspect of our species. We think we pray to God. When our real god is money wealth. Which is why I hate working most jobs. You're just helping the rich feel more entitled and comfortable on this planet, whilst they judge you into the ground, persecute you, and ruin your life at their whim.
Why do they do this ? Because they can. Because you are below them. And because you haven't reached their level of godhood yet. Therefore they can do whatever they want to you, and make even more profit off you , doing so.