I have zero friends is this normal?

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Hello members i am Walter,

My english grammer is not really good but i try to make it sound good, i live in Europe and i was born in Surinam.(I speak Dutch)
I came on wrong planet to find a ''home'' away from home and to meet other people.
I like what i see here on wrong planet, and i would be honored to be a part of this.
So here is my short story..

Every day i find myself being alone, i have no friends and never really had friends.
Lately i've been registering on different gay websites and normal websites, but if i got a message i did not know how to respond to it.
Or i responded and the conversation did not last for long.
I really think that this is not a healthy situation, i have 1 aspergian gay boy of my age in my msn list but we talked only once.(His name is Kevin- he lives at home with his parents just like i do)
But i still like him, and i don't know what to say to him or how to keep the conversation going.

I hope someone can give me some advise i just really want to get to know Kevin better.

Do you have advise for me?
Thnx anyway

I have zero friends in real life too. I moved to a new town a few years back, and never made any new ones. People on WP often claim this is relatively normal for someone with AS though.

Hello Walter--and welcome to WP.

I have a handful of real friends--but I have been around for a few years longer than you have, too!

Social skills are like any other skills--you learn them. Not from a book, the way that you learned your lessons at school, but rather through the more difficult route of trial, error and practice. The more that you try to have conversations with people, the more that you will develop skills.

I think you have made a good start coming here, and I encourage you to keep posting. Don't worry about what you say, or how you say it, so much as you focus on keeping up the practice. Don't worry about your english grammar, either. This is also something that will improve with practice.

Hey Walter,

Have you asked this man what he likes to do for fun, as a hobbie, what was it like for him growing up, when did he discover he was gay, etc...? That's always a good way to start a converstation.

I met LGBT people and became friends with some of them over a period of time, not all at once. I met them at college and at university, where I worked, in my neighborhood, at art shows, at cafes and then I started meeting more people through the people I had already met. I started going to get togethers, parties and so on.

Although true friends are hard to find. I did meet some great people who I have to say were my true friends and would help me if I ever needed it. I moved away and lost contact with some of them, two of them pasted away. I went back to college full time and was working full time which was quite a demand besides being a mother so I didn't have free time like I did before.

Now that I'm older like Visa is, I'm not interested in going to bars or working in bars and going to large loud parties and I have health issues that slow me down and I have lost interest in socializing like I use to.

I don't know about where you live but here in the States there are different LGBT organizations to volunteer in. That's a good place to meet and make friends who are part of the Gay Community. There are Gay Pride Festivals and Parades, Walk For HIV/AIDS, there are charities for children who have HIV/AIDS who seem to always need volunteers. You can meet people who are gay most anywhere I believe doing things you like to do. I would make friends with men as well as women no matter if they were LGBT or not, but my sister who is a lesbian didn't have any friends who are gay men. It's your choice.

Anyway, I hope that this gives you some ideas and I wish you all the best. Please let us know from time to time how you are doing. And were here if you ever need someone to talk to. And I believe your English is fine too.

TaupeyAna

I have great friends on here. None in real life.

[quoteHey Walter,

Have you asked this man what he likes to do for fun, as a hobbie, what was it like for him growing up, when did he discover he was gay, etc...? That's always a good way to start a converstation.

I met LGBT people and became friends with some of them over a period of time, not all at once. I met them at college and at university, where I worked, in my neighborhood, at art shows, at cafes and then I started meeting more people through the people I had already met. I started going to get togethers, parties and so on.

Although true friends are hard to find. I did meet some great people who I have to say were my true friends and would help me if I ever needed it. I moved away and lost contact with some of them, two of them pasted away. I went back to college full time and was working full time which was quite a demand besides being a mother so I didn't have free time like I did before.

Now that I'm older like Visa is, I'm not interested in going to bars or working in bars and going to large loud parties and I have health issues that slow me down and I have lost interest in socializing like I use to.

I don't know about where you live but here in the States there are different LGBT organizations to volunteer in. That's a good place to meet and make friends who are part of the Gay Community. There are Gay Pride Festivals and Parades, Walk For HIV/AIDS, there are charities for children who have HIV/AIDS who seem to always need volunteers. You can meet people who are gay most anywhere I believe doing things you like to do. I would make friends with men as well as women no matter if they were LGBT or not, but my sister who is a lesbian didn't have any friends who are gay men. It's your choice.

Anyway, I hope that this gives you some ideas and I wish you all the best. Please let us know from time to time how you are doing. And were here if you ever need someone to talk to. And I believe your English is fine too.

TaupeyAna[/quote]


Thank u for your insightful reply TaupeyAna, i believe that your advise is usefull and ill try letting you know how im doing from time to time

I'm not good at maintenance and the things you are supposed to do to keep friends. I have people who would probably call me a friend but I just dont think I have any really I would call regular friends. It would be nice I think. I am sure I had some when I was a kid and was always popular but probably as the funny kids the others liked rather then friends. I think my best friends have ended up partners usually and their has only been a couple..

Outside of my wife, not really, but I do have many acquaintances. I have a hard time trusting people.

Is it just me or does it seem odd that there are choices for zero, one and more than four? What if I had two or three friends? But whatever, I only have one true friend right now, so I guess it doesn't matter to me.

I know many more people here on WP than in real life. By "know" I mean happy to talk with about anything, have a laugh with, trust not to hurt me and so on.
In real life, there are maybe three others (also gay) who I could call friends but I've known them for over 30 years so it's way past "friendship" by now and they're practically family.
But even then, I hardly ever see them or speak to them - I'm just not good at maintaining friendships, or dealing with people generally.
My experiences with gay websites have been a disaster and never get past the first contact - if there even is a first contact, and can be summed up in one word: "tumbleweed".
I don't bother looking for new friendships now, it's just too complicated - but I always hope that a special friendship will "just happen".
Het is moeilijk als een minderheid binnen een minderheid.

I voted no friends, the only people I have contact with are my parents, two brothers and their partners and children.

I voted more than 4, but in truth it's probably 1-2 outside of family. I have a bunch of on-line friends, but they don't really count I guess. And I have a few people that I call my friends, but I don't know how to act with them so I don't know if they count either.

I currently have no friends. I became very social in late high school/early college, but then as I got older, people got married, moved away, and I find it very hard to make a new friend. I think being a gay male has something to do with it. It seems like many gays only want to hook up and not be friends. I know a lot of gays are still in the closet, but you'd think with another gay guy they could relax and be more open to a relationship.
I think as an adult male in general, it is hard to make friends. Thinking back, most adults I have known have co-worker "friends" who they do things with outside of work, but are those really friends? I think as a young person, my peculiar behavior was ignored, but as I got older, friends started looking at me strange/calling me out on wierd things I said or did. Also, I lost many straight male friends when they found out I am gay - even though I never tried to hit on them or never even "acted gay" whatever that means. Most people think I am straight, but very boyish. Plus I never know if I am an outcast because I am gay, or because I have strange interests, or is it because of my strange mannerisms/way of looking at life?? Who knows.
I used to get really depressed about it, but slowly I am starting to communicate more with strangers... trying to make friends - such as on this website!

I have major problems with the subtle parts of friendship, like calling a friend up and chatting... just to talk, is something I find very hard.
Maybe we can each choose to pick one or two buddies from this website, and TRY to keep in touch once a week. I know I could use practice at
the social game.... and if we practice online with fellow Aspies/Autie's then maybe that can lead to actual human contact with either neuro-typicals or people like us! I live in the North East United States and could use a friend. If you live close, or not, and want to chat/email, etc, let me know!

This topic affects us all, and I think it would be good to explore this idea further. Thanks for reading.