trans and afraid...

Post Reply New Topic

anybody else trans and afraid? i have recently come out and started socially transitioning after hiding it from everybody for like 6 years. things are going well for me im supposed to start testosterone soon. i think i am just worried because despite reading all about it, i haven't gotten to talk to an actual person. its not really hrt or transitioning im afraid of. its moreso, how will it make me feel? i just wanted to know if any other trans people felt the same way as me now or if they felt this way before but now they feel better.

Not being able to talk to people about stuff is a common CIS guy issue.

Think there may be. others on this site , whom maybe able to address. your questions here , I hope .Had a freind who was a F to M trans person . Saw them get a lower tone to their voice . And seemed beside the meds the Doctor they had them on they would appear to always have a bottle of Sasparilla capsules in their bathroom amongst the others . And I asked about that And some muscle building amino acids . And I could not figure out why the Sasparilla capsules .Cause I thought was a old soda Pop thing. Was told it helped them transition . Stayed friends for years . Until they moved away .Did notice their language seemed more self assured after knowing them a few years and had a few more expletive deleted type of words in their convo , Being alittle older it was something I thought was not very becoming to them.. They seemed fairly smart , when I did get to talk to them.

I'm m to f since a few years, started hrt 2018 or 2019.

short...
Many things to be afraid of... Still am... but in general, I like myself more now. (if there is something similar I could do to like other people I would...)

long...
Went from c(r)ossplayer to crossdresser to trans... When my physician told me to at least talk to the gender team I was still very much in denial... (weird considering I was already dressed female nearly always except work...)

It will not magically solve all issues.
For me, I did not really feel that bad about being a guy. It is just that I didn't really feel any connection. Seriously mal treated but more often just not taking care of my body. My main psycho issues were related mostly to asd and those will not be solved by transitioning. You will still be you.

Even before transitioning medically, shifting into female form started feeling as a way to take care of me. I'm not exactly a beauty but well, this body is mine and it feels more natural to treat it properly. Perhaps more stereotypically girly but guys do groom themselves too.
As for HRT... don't expect miracles but don't underestimate. Mine is the other way around and this part is very different. It is human. Changes take long. I don't know how old you are but if puberty has done it's damages... hrt won't solve everything. Further surgical changes are expensive and take time. Normal to be afraid, even hrt is not entirely without risk. Depending on age... Think if you still want children: even if I stop hrt, chances are low I will still be able to.
Also important... after some time hiding will get difficult. Depends on how female you look now. For me, I can sort of pass when wearing pants and loose sweater. Hopefully this situation won't be often. (only my grandmother I do this for and only because my mother insists - should not but do not want to loose either -... Doubt she hasn't figured out something is going on)

Unfortunately... realize there will always be a difference. Also people will notice you are... different. You are on this forum so... probably used to that. Some handle it better than others, some will try to hurt you. Some won't even realize how bad some things hurt, sometimes when they try to be good. Some will just try to keep up and most won't be bothered.

gender team:
In Belgium we have a team of drs available that coordinate all gender issues.
While not strictly required, even for surgery you can go to private hospitals, most healthcare people will refer you to them but a long waiting list (3 years I think it is now). Also they are the only way if you need mutuality / health insurance support.

There is stuff you can do without (to female for instance (semi)permanent hair removal in beauty clinics)

The longer I've been on testosterone, the more I've mellowed out. Part of that has to do with getting older, but the change was drastic. Getting top surgery definitely helped a lot with my confidence too.

I'd probably benefit from a little vocal training to be honest; my voice is the only thing that still generally makes me feel a little dysphoric. I lucked out with having a somewhat androgynous appearance from the get go. T handles a lot of the voice changing and body hair growing work for us (great if you're super lazy like me ).

Overall I'm so happy that I am the person I am. I love being a guy, I love being trans. I'm not going to say everything is perfect but nothing in life is. I'm still autistic, depressed, anxious, a bit of a loser, constantly tired, and kinda weird looking. That last one might just be because I recently shaved my whole beard situation off and I had forgotten how my face looked underneath though. Main difference is I don't despise myself anymore and don't have to deal with the hassle of bras and periods, and damn was it worth it!