funeralxempire wrote:
utterly absurd wrote:
My dad told me yesterday that he doesn't really understand being trans or nonbinary. He's a cishet man who deeply dislikes traditional gender norms. He said instead of transitioning to a different gender, he feels like people should push back against gender norms and realize that they don't have to follow the rules society imposes on them. (He wasn't being disrespectful to trans people, he was just admitting a lack of understanding.) I tried to explain that it's a lot more complex than that but he didn't really get it. He also told me that he's seen a lot of toxic masculinity in his life and when I was born he wanted to teach me how to be a good man, and now he feels like he's failed.
It's all very well intentioned and he's doing his best but he just doesn't really understand. It'll be a process and in the meantime he's trying to use my new name and pronouns, so it's all good.
I don't think he's wrong overall, even if his understanding is incomplete and that leaves him wrong in limited ways.
Like, people shouldn't feel the need to transition to escape constrictive gender norms, but people should feel free to transition because they believe it's appropriate for them.
Rigid gender norms seem harmful regardless of one's gender identity or sexual orientation, but that's a separate issue from acceptance of trans and NB people, even if the issues dovetail.
Of course. The issue is really that he doesn't understand why someone
would choose to transition, but he's being supportive and all so it's fine. My biggest concern is that he feels like he's failed at teaching me how to be a nontoxic man, as if he could've changed my gender identity by teaching me that.
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Diagnosed ASD, ADHD, Tourettes age 5
They/them
Feel free to PM me--I like to talk about most things other than sports