My band is playing a big show tonight....

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I'm not sure were to post this.


I play bass in a local band and tonight we are playing a show with a national touring act. Usually when we play only a few people actually show up and most of them are people that we know. But tonight I'm pretty sure that there are going to be a lot of people we don't know, people that I don't know. Usually the shows are also booked a month or so in advance but this time I only had a weeks notice to prepare so I'm really nervous. The thought of walking around a bar full of people gives me so much anxiety. The actual playing in front of them I'm not worried about. It's after, I wish I could just leave after but we usually have to stay until 2 to get paid. I don't want to end up hiding backstage like I always do. I worked hard along with my bandmates to get to this point and I want to enjoy it.

Because of Asperger's I didn't have a lot of friends but after I joined the band because my girlfriends band needed a bass player (they thought my quiet shyness made me the perfect stereotypical bass player so I took two weeks to learn how to play) people actually tolerate my weirdness. They just assume its because I'm a creative type.

I can't stop freaking out.

So, just play that role. Wear dark glasses and just sit in a corner and watch everyone else after your set is finished.

I hope that things go well for you, tonight.

But I always do that, I always hide or sit by myself at the merch booth watching everyone else have fun. I'm not saying that's not what I'm going to end up doing today. Because I might be able to handle it. I just wish I could be like everyone else and have fun.

Instead I fear strangers touching me. Usually after a show people want to talk to the band and they try to shake your hand or pat you on the back, sometimes if they are intoxicated enough they try to hug you. I don't like being touched.

I'm sure everything will turn out fine, I just got word that my cousin is going to be there. She is a master socializer and she manages to help include me in conversations or activities with out people thinking I'm creepy.