Something I wrote about the meaning of puzzle pieces

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I wrote this about a week ago...it wouldn't let me go to bed until I got it out onto paper.

I hope you like it.


Finding all the pieces

As a child, I loved jigsaw puzzles. I still do. There is something so relaxing about really getting in the zone and finding all the right pieces of the puzzle. Maybe that is why I have thought about puzzle pieces in terms of my life.
At least 15 years ago, when I was dealing with fibromyalgia and other health issues, I started thinking of trying to get better as a puzzle. Each doctor I saw, each medicine I tried, each therapy, each vitamin, mineral, herbal supplement, diet, well…EVERYTHING I tried, became one or more pieces of the puzzle of getting better. Nothing magically fixed all my problems, and I realized that it was not reasonable to expect any one thing to do that. Instead, I realized that I had to do a scavenger hunt for the puzzle pieces needed so that I could build the puzzle ONE piece at a time. Some pieces fill large holes, and others are tiny, but they all add something to the overall picture.
Two years ago, when Logan was first diagnosed with ADHD and then Asperger’s, and he was getting frustrated at trying multiple medications with no benefit, I shared my puzzle piece theory with him. In typical Asperger’s fashion, his first question was “well, how many pieces are in the puzzle?” I told him that unfortunately, this type of puzzle comes without a box so we do not have any idea how many pieces there are supposed to be, or even what the picture looks like. I am not sure he really understood it then, but many medications, doctors, therapists, specialists, etc. later, I think he is starting to see that we are on a hunt for all of his pieces and that we are finding them, slowly, but they are appearing.
Now, I am realizing that I am not just building my puzzle for fibromyalgia, or helping Logan with his puzzle for Asperger’s. I am building MANY puzzles. My physical health; my mental health; my children’s health; who I am as a daughter, wife, mother… The list goes on and on. The frustrating thing is that while some pieces are fairly clear about which one of the puzzles they fit into; other pieces are not so straightforward. Some pieces may come with extra copies that allow them to fill holes in multiple puzzles. Still other pieces may float around for a long time before I can figure out where they might fit.
I have also come to realize that all of these “small” puzzles are creating a larger mosaic. The mosaic of my life. Overall, I think that the big picture at least has most of its borders done. That is the framework that I, for one, start with when I work a jigsaw puzzle. It may still be missing a piece or two, but overall, there is some sense of the overall puzzle. This is my foundation. My family, my early childhood, my DNA; these are things that set in motion who I am. Friends, school experiences, vacations, and so much more are part of the puzzle of me. There is enough that I can start getting a sense of the overall picture, but, there is still a lot of room left. Hopefully, I will have many more years left to continue to fill in those blank areas. I think it would actually be sad to not have any room left for more pieces.
Most of these puzzles will never be “complete”. It would be nice if we could find a cure for fibromyalgia in my lifetime, but I will be happy with a mostly complete picture. I don’t even know what a complete picture for Logan would be like. I don’t want him “cured”, he doesn’t need to be “fixed”. He isn’t broken. He is quirky. Like his father, and like me. That is part of why I love him so much. He is Logan, and that is wonderful. However, he does have some difficult puzzles to work on, like learning how to deal with frustration and anxiety. But, those are puzzles that everyone has, whether or not they choose to work on them. Logan may have to find more pieces to complete those than many people, but I am confident we can get those mini puzzles almost complete. He does need to understand the world is not always black or white, and it is far from perfect, but again, everyone should strive for those as well. Logan will have to work harder to find some pieces than other people, but his puzzles are not so terribly different.
So, I am working with my kids to help them understand that life is like a jigsaw puzzle, and we just need some patience and perseverance as we continue finding all the pieces.

This was a nice read and is something I started believing too. For me it felt this way once I found my best friend and the girl I love. Ever since then other pieces just fit into place slowly but surely. Now people will and do judge the one about loving the girl who doesn't love me back. But I know inside she fits better than anyone else could. I know my own mind even if I can't always explain it. It's also interesting to think, even if other people don't see life this way, you could still be a part of their puzzle too. With certain pieces of your own puzzle life certainly seems clearer and enables you to find that next piece. Sometimes those pieces come to you and sometimes you have to look. Any pieces that just don't fit my puzzle, just must belong to someone elses. It's really nice when your own starts to build up into something more and it leaves you to wonder where the next piece will come from.