Tornado in my mind

Post Reply New Topic

Tornado in my mind



What is it
Where
How did I get here
A tornado is bearing down

Confusion
Doubt
Sadness
Rolling and spinning

No where to run
Now where to hide
God! Where are you
What is this lession

Nothing is stable
Everything is flying around
This tornado in my mind
Everything is a twisted mess

I trek and trek through
But it’s been the same or worse for miles
You might as well kick me it seems like everyone else has
I’ve been beaten down a time to many
The day God gets me out will be a great day
Tornados can’t last forever
Neither inside or out of the mind


Copyright pending.

An apt metaphor. The symbolism is simple enough to be easily understood, yet still manages to retain a good deal of potency in its message.

My only negative criticism is to point out that you spelled the word lesson at the end of the third stanza as 'lession'. Otherwise, it seems to be very well done.

I also have a few little ordering suggestions that I think might improve the pace and fluidity of the poem. It might sound a little more fluid if you switch the two lines "This tornado in my mind" and "Everything is a twisted mess". Having the two 'everything' lines together seems to me to build things up better and 'this tornado in my mind' just sounds like a better line to end the stanza with. You might also want to consider switching the third and fourth stanzas entirely. That sequence just seems to flow more naturally to me.

Good work. I also liked you poem. It really reaches into my soul in a deep level.