How do you 'settle'?

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I can't even settle in this town.



Kinda hard to settle when there's nothing to settle for.

Goon, I wish you all the best in your endeavors! It sounds like you're already figuring it out fast, anyway.

NT here, speculation coming through.
This is a mystery to me. I've always gone more for the general feeling I get from people, charisma as you might call it, not for things like toned muscles or a symmetrical face. First I was a bit appalled by this topic, but now I see how this could really be a genuine problem for the OP. Maybe AS might have something to do with you not "getting" the other things besides the obvious that make people attractive to one another? I really do think that there are loads of other stuff than appearance that make people desirable. The look in their eyes, the gestures they make, how they move, how they touch you, how they feel to your touch... the whole package. My partner who has AS traits is always going on about how good I feel because I'm so soft and smooth to the touch, it seems to matter a whole lot to him. Fortunately he also likes the way I look, and doesn't forget to mention it. He prefers women who are a bit on the heavier side like me, but he has also dated slim girls. He would never go for the skinny ones though, poking bones are not as nice to hold as a good quality piece of meat. It took a good while to make him comfortable enough with me to get the whole touchy feely thing going on, but now I almost can't get him off of me! Maybe if you tried to rely a bit more on your other senses besides vision, and train to "see" people more through them...? Just a thought, good luck to you GoonSquad!

Edit: Obviously if you can't bare to touch/be touched at all, can't appreciate the way people smell like etc. my input can be stamped with a big red INVALID sign and ignored instantly.

Same problem here, except I’ve aggravated the situation by hanging out with a variety of strippers/bar girls that are physically hot but emotionally/morally empty. Also I’m involved with a less attractive woman more my own age who is a solid human being with compatible values, but doesn’t “do it” for me on the physical level. Maybe a partner & a mistress al la Bill and Tiger etc. (Just half kidding, that didn’t work to work out to well for either of them.) Too bad honesty, integrity and loyalty in a woman aren’t as stimulating like the physical stuff. I know my values are screwed so don't bother to call me on that….

Try having sex with your eyes closed

Thanks, I almost always do and it doesn't help
Seriously though, check this out.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/man-transformation/
Isn’t the www great!

I just need to say:

I think the "ask the chubby girl to work out with you in hopes she thins up enough to be hot" is a horribly, inescapably, doomed plan. Just my opinion!

I see this problem you describe in yourself with some of my average NT girlfriends. The: I need a really (super handsome, fit, rich, _____ guy). I don't think this is about AS, I think this is just something that afflicts some people. Smacks of basic self destructiveness, to me. It's also perversely the opposite side of the coin you hear so often on here: Why can't women see me for my real self? Why can't this random NT girl recognize me and notice me, and give me a chance?

I don't take exception to your ratings system. I agree with a previous poster, physical appearance is in the eye of the beholder, scientific data on male hardwiring aside. I think I am solidly attractive and I have a probably better than average figure. I have dated guys who were movie-star handsome, average looking guys, and even some offbeat looking - one guy I dated for a couple years looked like Steven Tyler, but listen - - unless you have Aerosmith singing backup behind you - that's not a good thing.

Anyway, I digress.

I have a more quirky perspective than some of my girlfriends. I don't know where it comes from, maybe my parents. Maybe my DNA. As I'm aging I realize a gift I have is looking beyond what's outside. Now, Mr. Rath is truly a conventionally handsome guy. But I can tell you - - his oddities would keep a lot of chicks at bay. When I married him, a few of my girlfriends confessed they are very jealous and want a relationship with a solid, nice handsome guy like him. "WHY can't it happen for me, I'm so lonely!". But you know what? I'm guessing many of them would NOT have dated Mr. Rath - - they wouldn't give him a chance past the awkwardness and moreover his quirkiness - not to mention the time (slow slow slow time) he takes to make the next step with everything. I will say, it comforts me to know he probably wouldn't have dated some of them either because (God love them) probably many aren't smart enough and would bore him.

ETA: I guess my rambling point is - - I agree with the person who said, give the 5 or 6 a chance and you might be surprised at what develops.

I have no problem giving the 5 or 6 a chance (even a 3 or 4 depending on my mood)... but they won't give me a chance... to date only one woman has, only after knowing me for a long time, and even then it didnt work...

My opinion too. And George Bernard Shaw's opinion when he wrote Pygmalion. It's what I thought of when this loopy idea was put forth.

For those unfamiliar with the storyline, the protagonist falls- sort of- for a working class girl. There are things about her that he likes but he can't see himself in a relationship with her unless she is willing to undergo a "class" makeover and learn an upper class accent and upper class ways so that she will be good enough to be in a relationship with him. So she agrees to this makeover but when it is completed, she discovers that she really doesn't want to be with him-she wants to be with somebody who accepts her for herself- and she marries somebody else. The parallels are insescapable.

The is also applicable to a typical NT-Aspie relationship. The NT wants the Aspie to become more NT and the Aspie wants the NT to adapt more to his/her perspective, leading to the two growing apart because they both feel more comfortable if they don't have to adapt.

Yes, very true. I've found that being an NLD'er has given me a perspective on granting leeway with people, especially physically. I find that if people are willing to make compromises for me, then I owe it to them to also make a few compromises. Overall, it strengthens the relationship.

define encouragement - like flashing a tiny bit of their gash?

I had a "blind" date with someone I met online. She had sent me a pic of her face before and while I can't say she was cute, I couldn't say she was ugly either. She told me she worked out, ran everyday, practiced kick boxing, etc. Boy was it a shock when I met her. She was literally "round". I was polite and everything but it literally made my skin crawl to hug her. Yeah, I'm not a fan of physical contact in general with someone I don't know (unless they are attractive) but this just was almost too much. It was also apparent that the face pic she sent me was a little old as well. I don't like to think of myself as shallow, but I can't help how I feel. Thinking about it still makes me shudder.

I wouldn't say that was your fault... she was falsely advertising,as it were...