People keep telling me to lower my standards

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There was a song years ago that went:

"Never gonna kiss those ruby red lips of the prettiest girl in town.
Never gonna ask her to marry me 'cause I know she'd turn me down."

Get the picture?

I second that.

I recommend doing everything you can to improve your appearance, I have no idea if it actually works, but it definitely feels good to actually do something and see progress. I can't recommend weight training enough for general health and well-being.

But I really don't like the term "standards" because it suggests a heirarchy, I prefer "criteria".

As far as dating women you are not physically attracted to, my experience with this has been invariably bad. It was ultimately humiliating for both parties once the relationship matured to a sexual level, it was awful and I will never try it again.

Yeah, I really don't understand how men can wind up in bed with a woman they can't stand the thought of having sex with. Particularly since men really can't "fake" it - it just seems like a recipe for disaster. Maybe guys should take a page out of the women's playbook: it's pretty hard to talk a woman into getting naked with someone we really don't want to be with.

I don't even like the term "lower" your standards. As if the girl who isn't very pretty (per fashion magasines standards) was somehow less worthy then the pretty one.

I would rather tell you to "revise" your standards. As pretty as a girl (or a guy) may be, it has nothing to do with a successful, or failed, relationship, what will make a difference is what you have in common or how well you get along or "complete" each other (example: you both like online roleplaying games, she likes being a healer, you like being a warrior = good team). I think the girl who will "fit" well with you will naturally attract you, whether or not she looks like a model you will think she is pretty.

Recently I watched a movie about a guy who's standards were all about the looks (Shallow Hal), but he finally ends up with a girl who may not fit his usual "looks" standards but he gets to know and appreciate her and when he realises she doesn't look the way he thought it doesn't change anything to his feelings about her (after the initial shock and fear not to like her anymore once he sees her) and he also can see how pretty she is eventho she is not the "Cosmo" girl type.

Note about a real life fact: I have 5 aunts on my dad's side, 3 of them are very pretty, one even won a beauty contest, the 2 other ones are pretty but not the usual "model" pretty .... well the 3 very pretty ones are all divorced while the 2 other ones are still married and have a pretty good marriage.

Anyway its just something to think about.

p.s. you look a lot like my stepson

Shadi

I loved Shallow Hal Great movie

I've been told this too. The problem is, it's not fair to the other person if you force yourself into a relationship with someone you don't have those feelings for.

Sexual attraction is really in the mind's eye and influenced by the media; Personally, I don't really think about sex that much at all, but then again, I've worked pretty hard to do this. However, attraction still influences my decisions a bit. Then again, I prefer girls who are pretty much the opposite of "conventional beauty".

I did sorta feel in your shoes a bit ago, the last girl I spent time talking to was skinny, wore makeup, and dressed conservatively.

I think the goal should be to look past these elements completely, and start to find the other things that make your partner attractive. For example: I recently found a girl who liked to play football. While I was attracted and she seemed like a genuine person, this sort of struck a chord with me because she was willing to "defy" social standards (and beat the s**t out of guys). It totally blew my mind; at the time, I wasn't sure if any girls would play tackle football regularly. Heck, I couldn't play tackle football without getting beat up pretty bad.

Find certain characteristics that really make a girl jump out at you. Look for the person who cheers up people when they are down, Look for the girl who says happiness is living for others, Look for those doing admirable, extraordinary things that you don't find out about until later. Look for the girl who has overcome adversity. Look for the girl who picks up on the issues right away, and responds by trying to comfort you. Attraction helps, true. But someone who can touch you spiritually and emotionally is better in the long term than someone who only makes you want to touch yourself at night.

This is where aspergers becomes an advantage. You "learn" social skills that are alien to you, to change your natural behavior. Other people will never have to confront instinctual behavior on a day-to-day basis. But if you're like me, you battle it constantly. You can fight instinct on the mental level. True, it is hard, but you never know what you might be missing out on.

Here's my advice, and a good practice-what-you-preach rule: Give every girl who's interested a shot. I've gone over accessing interest several times. I don't mean ask them out on a date. I mean, just get to know them a little bit, and make a point to remember the things that would make them compatible with you. 30 minutes of conversation. That is all I ask of you, since we get to hear how rejection is soooooo harmful for you guys.

Some advice to the poster, which I give out to friends. Two things you must do:

1) Watch a movie called "The Tao of Steve". This opens you up to what is refereed to as the 'players mentality". It also has a very important message on 'players' that will help you out.

2) Join the party scene. I discourage drug use, but by joining this scene, you'll have access to people with lower sexual/moral standards. If your standards are that high, why would you want a relationship in the first place? If sexual attraction is "it" for you, start going to Bonnaroo every year, going to parties, etc. Get in with the stoner crowd. There, you will find girls with lower moral standards who don't entirely dislike the idea of one night stands. If all you want is sex, there are places where you can find that without the 'hassles' of a 'relationship'.

I do hope you come around and change your views on this.

The only way I'd get anyone is for someone else to lower their standards.

(about weirdness)