need help from an aspie, please...

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Neotokyomushroom
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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13 Sep 2011, 2:59 pm

Good luck. :)

A request does not register the same as a need to me. The intention is as important to state as the request. My family have only learned this recently since my diagnosis. Some do not have this problem to the same extent but it is best to be as clear as possible.

A sense of urgency not explicitly stated, to me, is not there at all. I cannot blame this on the message sender as most would understand, it is pretty much a given.

Your new plan sounds concise. I cannot see a flaw in it. It would certainly work for me, I've had to make everyone I know message likewise. You have picked up the M.O. quicker than most. :)



DeeDee27
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13 Sep 2011, 4:04 pm

that's because he is worth it.

and because i believe that, since he has to be "on" all the time
when communicating with people, it is much easier for me
(and less stress for him) if i learn to speak "Aspie" than for
him to speak "NT"

and thank you for the good luck wishes!! !



dontlikehumans
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18 Sep 2011, 12:53 pm

DeeDee27 wrote:
Fnord: 2. that's the reason that I am here, I need help in finding out where I am going wrong with communicating to him. In other words, I wish there was an NT-->Aspie translator. :)

AsteroidNap : YES... He is trying as well. I know it is difficult for him too. I DO give him much more leeway than anyone else I have dated because of the Aspie thing, though. BUT he really DOES have trouble wording things and I know he is sincere with me. I don't question anything as far as him being purposely deceitful or anything.

OhNowIGetIt: Thank you, I will try that. It seems silly to me to be very specific on things that I think are very black and white, but I am willing to try it. He's worth it. If I need to spell out every little thing, I will.

Thank you all VERY much.

AND....any other advice from anyone is still appreciated. I think I can't have TOO much advice, right?
i am a aspie male and for example i would need to know exactly from what time to what time or exactly what time to phone the other person cos if its not exact enough there can be a lot of assuming and you know what assuming does, causes upset allround.



DeeDee27
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19 Sep 2011, 10:21 am

I've come to figure that out, haha! SPECIFICS. Got it.

That book I was talking about is AMAZING. It's funny how
something small like that can make all the difference.

He agrees as well. He even thanked me for making the effort
and says he can tell a difference because I wait to pay attention
to how he responds to things and don't get upset with him for
not responding the way I THINK he should.

We spent the ENTIRE weekend together. That's 3 days
in a row... without an argument or any kind of issue.

I just give him his recharge time... (I bring a book or something
while he goes into another room and does his thing) and
that helps so much.

But I am lucky to have him! He's wonderful and I thank all of you so much!

Everyone on this site is very helpful!



MrEGuy
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20 Sep 2011, 12:00 am

You've found the one extreme upside to dating an aspie: there is no form of self-improvement an aspie won't consider trying if it is presented to him thoughtfully and sincerely.