21 years old and hopeless????

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^ This.

I didn't lose my virginity until 20, so don't worry abou that (I made up for lost time in my 20s lol). It will happen: you just want to make sure it is a good first experience.

Aspies tend to overanalyze things. Meeting a girl (or a guy) depends on two things

1. Interpersonal skills
2. Circumstance

#2 is easy to address. If you are having trouble meeting someone, join a club, get into meetup groups, take dancing lessons, go to a convention (I am a big gamer, so I love going to DragonCon, ComicCon, all those fun, geeky, conventions--great place to meet people). Universities have tons of clubs to join.

Do NOT try and meet someone in a bar or nightclub. That is almost always a waste of time. Women are defensive and often uncomfortable in those places (I would be too). They are loud, and communication is difficult.

Now #1 is a little trickier, especially for people with AS. Volumes have been written about this, but a few general rules are good to follow:

a) Avoid talking about yourself. Watch every time you start a sentence with "I"
b) Smile a lot
c) Try to use humor
d) Do NOT steer the conversation into topics such as relationships and dating.

Most importantly, stay CONFIDENT. People generally dislike people who are insecure and lack confidence. Be yourself, and the hell with anyone who doesn't like it.

Me agree with you, Silas

I like the old adage "There are plenty of fish in sea".

It could mean there many different kinds and types of fish. You might not have met the type of girls you reciprocate well or best with.

And the other adage. "No two girls are the same."

Just because she is type you don't normally want to go out with doesn't mean she isn't interested in some way.

Just my two cents

I'm sort of this way as well. I get hit on by more guys than girls actually. Not being able to read body language means that I sometimes do things that other guys would not do and I get in trouble for it lol. Actually there is this girl in my English class that I did like. I actually got her number but I don't think she is actually interested in me. Part of me just wants to know what it feels like to date someone, but another part of me never thinks it's going to happen...with anyone I'll actually want to be with. I mostly feel bad about creeping her out with my weird behavior...I don't want her to think that she can't come to English lol. The upside is that I learned a lot about how to properly pursue a girl and I might be developing something of a technique. Honestly, keep trying I'm 21 years old, never had sex before but I'm not going to give up trying on women lol. One of these days someone crazy or desperate enough will go for my weird ass. I'm sad because I wanted so much more out of this, mostly because I've never had it, but happy because I learned so much...eventually you'll get it I imagine.

In my experience it is largely hopeless. I will not spout cliches or offer comfort that I cannot find a grounding for. The modern world is horrible, especially for aspies.

I can only offer the same useless advice that has been offered to me, meet more women and talk to them often. It works if you can get over the whole starting a conversation and going into public places and not just keeping your head down thing.

No kidding, I am almost 28 years old, and so far finding a girlfriend is mearly impossible, seeing how Nurotypicals are starting to over run most of the females here, and finding one is going to be hard due to my age is at the level only 30 year olds will be the choice, knowing the harsh Sex Laws are, no one under 28.

Thats worth a thread in itself. Even the dating site here. I gave up on registering when I saw the statistic of about 4000 male members and about 1500 female members. I may still give it a shot, I am apretty boy and I have nothing else to do.

I don't see how Virginity comes into being hopeless but I doubt you are hopeless just because some girls won't look your way.

I get that too but when I see most of the girls around my area I'm like "Well...they want a kid at 19 and live off the Government", not that they are all like that, but when you see flaws in others you can see the goodness in yourself.

You're probably a romantic at heart, think of love as something to share and whatnot...which is a good trait to have!

Next time someone rejects you or you like a girl but she isn't interested, think of how it wouldn't work anyway and move on from that and see what you could give to a "lucky" girl!

I'm 33 now and I was a virg... errr... "inexperienced" until 28. I had several girlfriends between 13 and 20 but none of them were ready for sex themselves.
The problem with sex is that it seems much more important than it is as long as you can't get it. Sex is fun but meeting interesting people is much better - because doing stuff with interesting people is fun, regardless of what you do exactly

Well f**k them. This is what you so called "confident" people say to justify being selfish, arrogant, and cocky. You're nothing but a**holes, trying to use and sleep with anything that isn't nailed down.

Well f**k most girls then.

I won't change myself into a selfish arrogant prick just to impress women.

I fail to see how trying to build up the courage to talk to someone you're attracted to automatically makes them selfish, arrogant, and cocky by default

Problem is you're 21, people are still pretty stupid at that age. Things will get better as you get older. As for losing your 'v card' its not really as big an achievement as it sounds. Lost mine at 20 and it was probably..... nine years until next time I had any activity again? I think relationship success is really what matters and people are just too closed-minded at your age don't trip over it too much.

Confidence and being selfish and arrogant are not the same thing. Be happy with who you are, and you're confident about yourself. Telling girls and/or acting like you're the best thing to ever exist and you're arrogant. There's quite a big gap there.

I think you're exactly where I was at 21! Girls would tell my friends (behind my back sometimes), that they thought I was really hot, and they couldn't wait to get hold of me........ until I opened my mouth and said anything. Then I was instantly a freak or nerd. I still don't know why. I just accept that it's the way it was. It's nothing to do with looks, as when I was that age, I could easily have worked on stage at any male strip club, and I bought a brand-new Corvette when I was 18, and even bought my own house in an upscale part of Los Angeles when I was 19 (not bragging; just making it clear that having the looks or money doesn't mean sh*t). I used to sit in the house on Friday and Saturday nights, wondering why I was alone. I even started a routine of doing my housework on Friday night because I figured I'd never have anything else to do then. It's my awkwardness with high functioning autism that caused the problem, IMHO. I just about gave up on dating, and even wondered if I was closet Gay or something, because nothing I tried would ever work. I even got a call girl (set up by a friend) when I was 18, and nothing happened. I was a virgin 'til I was 30, and I'm only admitting that here because it's the truth, and probably very few "normal average" young men would ever admit that. I think I was too worried about getting older and still failing with the girls, and it wasn't until I stopped worrying so much about it that it finally happened. And it was a rather aggressive girl I was starting to date, and I didn't tell her I hadn't ever had any experience. If I told her that, she said later that she would have been afraid of me and not done anything. I'm now 44, and happily married, and I can be honest with you about another thing: I'm NOT sorry I failed to lose my virginity earlier. I think things happen this way sometimes for good reasons.

Our hormones at age x-teen to about 25, tell us GET LAID NOW AND OFTEN!! !! But that's only hormones talking. It's not something we need right then, and in fact, 20,000 years ago we did need to reproduce by our early teens, as we only lived 25 years or so and died of old age. Putting that into the equation helps too...

Charles