Nice guys REALLY DO finish last.

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It sounds to me like what you need are good trustworthy friends who can tell you what, exactly, you're doing wrong. Unfortunately, internet people cannot observe you closely enough to give you the kind of feedback it seems you need. All we can do is point out attitudes that may be detrimental, and to tell you what has worked for us.

But the first step is realizing that you can change your situation, but only if you are willing to change yourself.

Some of my friends often tell me "We need to get you a girl friend"

They want me to date somebody and I would like to date somebody. Personally, I find it embarrassing whenever we're out in public and they try to introduce me to girls. It just makes me nervous.

How do you react to your nervousness? Do you let it overwhelm you to the point that you avoid talking to these girls?

No, I do talk to them because I know that if I shut down that would just be bad. But I usually become so nervous and I don't know what to say so I quickly say random things but usually they make the scene even worse. If I am by myself with a girl then usually things can get kind of awkward.

For instance, one time I was sitting down (I dont remember why) but I wasn't near everybody else at the moment. One of my friends who is a girl walked up to me and sat down with me and said "Hey what are you doing?" and I got real nervous and didn't know what to say so I quickly said something about how her gums came up between her two front teeth a little far. It was already too late when I realized that what I said was offensive and then I immediately said "Oh no I didn't mean to offend you, it doesn't look bad" or something like that. I'm not sure if what I said made things better or not, I think they probably did but the situation was awkward for her so she kind of just laughed it off, stood up and walked back to the group. I felt like an idiot for not knowing how to react (as I usually do) but that's just how things go sometimes. She is quite beautiful though, I wasn't trying to insult her looks. I was just nervous and was looking for something to talk about and I took notice of her teeth :/ bad move.

Nah bro, don't worry, per PUA standards, you just gave her a neg.

How much time do you spend with women? Is it possible that you might get more comfortable if you spent more time with them?

Also, is it thinking of them romantically that makes you nervous? Or do you still get nervous with women you are not interested in?

For me, spending time with women without even considering the possibility of a romantic connection helped ease the anxiety. And that newfound ease in dealing with them carried over when I did start talking to them with the purpose of attracting them.

Whats PUA mean?

I'd say I spend enough time with her to call her a close friend. But I dont really hang out with her alone (or anybody else for that matter).

I'm not really sure if it is thinking of them romantically that makes me nervous. To be honest I've never really entertained that thought. I'll give it a bit more thought though.

PUA=Pick up artist. A guy who (usually only in his own mind) can convince any woman to sleep with him by using underhanded dishonest conversational tricks.

mmm...when I was a lad, the first time I hear the saying "Nice guy".
I thought it meant a bloke from Nice in the Côte d'Azur.

Now if by the word nice someone is after a partner to be: kind, tactful, caring, and agreeable.
Can they be like that all of the time and to everyone?
I don't think so and this is why a few of my close friends of late have been pointing out to me that am "too nice".
Am starting to agree with them then I have a few people be unkind to me. Its just a thought to think about.

If you dare, look up the etymological definitions of the word nice

Before I go, here's some bickies for everyone


PS. Am keeping the Jammy Dodgers for myself

I find it funny that your suggestion to improve is read a book about how some guys got obsessed with getting girls and one of them ended up in a mental home several times when girls rejected him(thats how the book starts and in the middle of the book Mistery is back again at the mental home)

Also the game works for Mistery because as Style describes him on the book he is a high functioning sociopath who wants to be the centre of attention at all times(some family issues and his father beat him up when he was a child) and he gains a lot from the attention he gets

If like him you are a high functioning socipath that can adapt to any situation and you live on validation from the outside plus you dont mind a few stays at mental homes(lets face it there are going to be moments when people dont give you attention and if you base your life on the attention of others you are bound to end up with depression and whatnot) then go for it.
With that being said I dont think that theres much of an improvement in the character described by Strauss. I mean yes he could get girls but he was unhappy with himself and eventually he had several nervous breakdowns. I may not be the most successful man out there but Im not looking forward to a nervous breakdown whenever some girl says no(which is how the book starts)

Do I get to put my general answer to these kinds of threads again?

Snaps for mds_02 handling this topic. Made this thread so much nicer (bearable) to read through.
Said pretty much everything and some with a lot more tact than I would have bothered with.

Have to say this worked for me, too.
I was already dating a lot when I was younger but I kept doing the same things over and over. It wasn't til I changed as a person things got a lot better.

What happens if you don't get anything right the first time?
I imagine that there would be no point in getting out of bed, no point in doing anything at all.
NO point in doing anything the first time around!


To me failure is a very useful learning experience. To tell you the truth I enjoy failure, tho I don't call it that name I call it feedback.
Have you ever hear of this saying: There is no failure, only feedback?
I suggest that you fail more often, as that's how you can turn failure into success.

LOL. pretty much what i said last page. Also i hate to disclose things like this but he has been making some very depressing posts in his skype lately. As much as i want to hate him for being an ass i feel sort of sad for him