What really irritates me about what I'm reading on here...

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Yep.
Everyone thinks about you and how annoying you are 24/7, because you're just that important.

Hey, that was uncalled for! Otaku has been feeling really self-conscious lately and worried he's annoying people, etc. BB was mentioning things that annoy her so he probably thought that meant him. Snarking at him for it only proved him right, even if it's not true.

You're right. Mostly.*
I'm sorry, AspieOtaku.

*(I must point out, though, that being annoyed by someone once does not imply that I think they're generally annoying. If people read more into what I say than what's there, it's not my fault.)

Then stop reading them.

Problem solved.

There does seem to be an assumption, from a fair number of male members, that because they're having difficulty, that it must come naturally to other people.

Entirely ignoring the effort others have put in in order to reach the point they're at now.

I've seen guys here talking about how unattractive and defective they must be because ten, maybe a dozen, women have rejected them over the course of their entire lives.

The average guy racks up more rejections than that within a year or two of hitting puberty.

Even if there is a reason why a particular guy cannot handle approaching women, even if trying to chat up a new girl once every couple of years really is the best he can manage, that doesn't mean that women are just throwing themselves at the other guys.

Nor does it mean that women don't have problems of their own. I think we're all agreed that if all a woman wants is casual sex, and her standards aren't very high, she can have that easily. A worthwhile relationship, which is what all these guys claim to want, is a different matter. But they seem unable to understand that a truly bad relationship will damage you more than remaining single would. And they don't realize that filtering through the crappy people (which, for an aspie woman, is gonna be exponentially harder) to find the decent ones takes a ton of effort too.

Thing is though, just because you find your assigned gender role unappealing and unfair, you can't go and assume that everyone else is fine with theirs.

I've got no problem with people complaining here about their lack of success with dating. Even the ones who just wanna complain with (seemingly) no interest in getting advice and making things better are fine, because they can be easily ignored.

It's the ones who come in and blame everyone else for their own issues that are the problem. The ones who assume that, because they're having difficulty, everyone else must have it easy, and use that as an excuse to behave in an offensive insulting manner and drive off all the people who just wanted to have interesting or constructive discussions. These people are the problem.

That's true, it is a numbers game and a case of staying persistent in your pursuit. You need to be able to re-frame your mind so you can take everything as a learning experience.

Let's face it, us guys on the spectrum don't pick up or learn social skills so we have to make a real concious effort to express trust or interest and when that isn't reciprocated, it can be disheartening but it's important to realize that everyone faces rejection.

It's a matter of cognitive behavioural therapy and being able to have the ability to not turn a molehill into a mountain and at the same time, avoiding that negativity.

Yes, exactly.

Aspie guys are at a disadvantage in the dating world. A huge one. And it sucks. And it's unfair. But there's no way to change it (that I can see) without being far more unfair to everyone else.

And some take that to mean that their only option is to give up and be miserable.

But it's not. There is another option. It's to work ten times harder at self-improvement than the next guy. Or a hundred times harder, or a thousand. It's to expect to fail, and fail, and fail again, but to keep trying anyway with the hope that, one of these days, you'll be wrong. And, most importantly, it's to learn to look at those failures in a constructive manner, as learning tools, rather than the seeing them as proof of your own worthlessness.

Man...it's not an excuse. Relationships have collapsed due to me supposedly "not liking them enough." I have worked so much on improving myself, and when I land a date/relationship, I work hard on it. It just doesn't work sometimes. Also I don't see complaining here, I see people asking for advice. You also gotta' figure people get in depression ruts, and post on social websites for help. :/

PS - I'll get a stable relationship someday!

I didn't have him in mind anywhere.

The guys who fit the OP's description are: Ricky and that guy with the watchman avatar.

Spend a bit more time here, you'll see that advice is the last thing most people want.

The irony is they spend too much time online looking for love
Instead of looking for love
In all the right places.....
No wonder they are frustrated and destructive

They want to fish
Yet stay away from the river
Spending all their time
In the fishing gear shop
Talking tackle

For me, the realisation that I would be a poor parent to any child, means that nature and society prohibiting me from mating is probably a good and natural thing
In hindsight
God works in mysterious ways

This is so true. It's no wonder people get rejected if that's the mentality they approach girls with. Most would rather be single than agree to date someone who cares nothing in particular for them and would happily date anyone who came along.




I agree with the latter part of this post, re. blaming gender and failure to understand it's not easy for all women either.

What do you mean by putting work in? I'm not sure you can improve your chances of finding a relationship by hard work. I think it's far more do to finding the right person. I think the factors that make some people struggle to appeal romantically or sexually to anyone, and the factors that make some people unable to manage romantic relationships, are not easily defined and not easily changed. You can improve your looks and confidence which may help you if you just want sex or may help get an initial date. But if you want someone to love you, then - almost by definition - they've got to love you as yourself and won't care how you talk, what you wear, etc. They'll have to love how you act when you're yourself. And you can't make yourself love someone else if you just don't feel that way about them, either.

Approaching multiple people, putting effort into socialising and braving rejections seems to me unlikely to assist you in finding a relationship since you can't change those indefinable factors and can't change your own or others feelings. I get that the idea is that the more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone compatible. But if you just can't do relationships like NTs, then it's still unlikely you'll be sucessful because you might not find anyone compatible. Most NT people (and probably some people with AS/autism too) go about their lives and, as long as their lifestyle involves enough social interaction, relationships just happen.

This times 10,000.

My bf told me once, he has had 50 girlfriends. Because I am naive enough to believe everything people tell me, and am often the last one to realise if there is sarcasm, or an underlying message, I now conclude he must have been lying as he is an aspie (and after reading all you aspie guys threads)?

50 girlfriends simultaneously? !