Dating for me ends in failure

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This is also basically what my last therapist in December said to the homeowner "friend" who I live with via a note I bought home from my session due to me talking about how I fealt he was treating me and such with him being co-dependant and only having me stay with him to make him look better to his friends because he has his own issues and has been loosing friends over the years as fast as he gains them, but that is another story.

Also I am not just someone priorly diagnosed with AS I was considered borderline Autistic but technically not fitting of the label due to my test scores, my IQ is the only thing I think is what they meant that made me AS category, otherwise I am barely able to function around other people, I barely can function around 1 person, getting up toward 2-3 I retreat and anxiety goes up, beyond 3 I get phsycially ill, however I have other conditions both officially diagnosed and suspected by the therapists including severe generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia (low grade long lasting depression) with acute shorter lived major depressive episodes as officially diagnosed and potential mild Agoraphobia, likely to have Social Phobia to a moderate degree and fear of abandonment or otherwise can't be alone for extended periods of time beyond like 2 days which causes me to shutdown and become very scared.

Yet because the government and the people working for it love to play games with our lives I can't get on SSI/DI and been turned down by every (pay if we win lawyers) because they want as near 100% chance of winning the case the first attempt, as bidonmycase.com said when they turned me down was that it doesn't mean I don't have a case but I probably do have a case and it will take a lawyer with more determination such as pay up front local lawyers. I don't have the money and at that I quit trying all together. Binder & Binder turned me down with a robotic response to the form I filled out online due to one question, am I currently seeing anyone, at that time it was no as I hadn't for a month, but it took that and translated it to no medical records in the past year.. WTF is wrong with these people? How does not seeing someone in the current month or half a year even translate to "No records in the past year". I sent my opinion to them, of course didn't get a reply back as they actually don't give a s**t and are in it for the money thus needing 99% probability of winning, it's capitalism at it's best and makes sense.

I just don't have it in me anymore to care to try to "help my self" to get help as the system is simply broken and no one truly wants to help me out so why should I care anymore to try when it makes me worse off in the process and nearly gets me homeless? How is that help? I am just fed up, sorry for the rant but I am so frustrated.

Also just for you all to know, if you do not qualify for SSDI you no longer qualify to get SSI, this is in the words of the SSA people I have talked to, you need to apply for both using the single form now and they check to see if you qualify for SSDI first, how f****d up is that?! New applicants are now even more likely to be denied as well as appeals as they are making it even harder! If anyone knows of a class action lawsuit that comes from this new change, please let me know as I might request to join it. I didn't believe the two people I spoke to over the phone with SSA determination, but sure enough on their website it's now just one form and everything has been merged. I am starting to despise this country, really I am, I want to move but that takes so much money, not anti-america, I am anti-american government as it stands, it's the government that is broken and so bureaucratic beyond help.

Anywho off topic now.. but maybe it makes more sense now why I seek a Mistress or Master, I need the guidance and help and I want to love and provide, the living situation would be addressed as a side effect but is not a need as I have a place now, it's not sex for free home, besides that statement was stupid and not accurate as it wouldn't be "free" if it cost sex for it, payment is not always monetary! O.o

I will close with a personal quotes.
"We are not one nation but one nation severely divided!"
"We are a nation of many sides, opinions as well as walks of life and this dualistic party system can not survive and will end badly."

I'm out of my jurisdiction on this one... I can't advise anything without huge risk of steering you wrong...

I just hope you figure out something that works for you and someone else.

I like what you said and agree, I do help and want to help and by doing so I feel better and happy, like doing the dishes or yard work, etc. as long as you don't build a list that never seems to stop growing or otherwise overwhelm me, I expect to do it!

Well I greatly appreciate the honesty, it goes along ways with me.

Also that is exactly what I want and why I seek to be up front with everything, it might limit me greatly be explaining my situation and that I have Autism but I'd rather have it up front so I can avoid a potentially bad if not even life threatening situation when the person finds out I kept it from them. To me anything short of being up front about it is the same as lying which I am greatly adverse to doing, it makes me uncomfortable, I don't know why.

Thats one hell of a shopping list! You are about as likely to find that as an NT girl is of having Prince Charming literally land from a silver cloud on a cartoon horse and whisk her away to live happily ever after in a sky palace. But you don't even have 50 years of Disney films telling boys how to prepare themselves for your requirements.

From my experience of feeling helpless and alone and all the rest, my only advice is to stop any thought that salvation will be in the form of another person. It almost never will be. There are far more predatory people out there who are looking for precisely this kind of 'weakness' (called a gimmick in some psychological circles) to take advantage of, and the chances are you'll find one of these predators who will only make you feel even worse once they've used you and thrown you away like a commodity.

You need to find peace within yourself first before you can expect what you want from someone else - after all it is actually kind of immoral to inflict such requirements on someone else - they have their own problems, and the good ones will naturally shy away from you because of that. a good relationship is about synergy - where the whole is more than the parts. This can't happen if one side of the relationship has to provide the guts/drive/stability for the whole.

I'd actually disagree with your therapist - if you're an aspie then in my experience the only positive reinforcement that has any longevity comes from within myself. The NT positive reinforcement is of the NT flavour for NT sensibilities and frankly doesn't really have a lasting effect on me. The most important thing to remember is that you are amazing, you are the product of billions of years of evolution, and its time to stick up for all of the cells in your body tirelessly working hard to keep you in one piece so that you have the potential that you have. I would seriously recommend having no relationship rather than go down the route of needing a psychological-sugar-daddy relationship.

I have many sympathies for the complex set of difficulties you are facing, but as my father said to me, take each day as it comes, take each problem step by step, and don't hope for a better future, learn to live with the existing now. Might not seem all that positive a statement, but taking incremental practical steps provides a more solid foundation than large jumps into the arms of a potential threat.

I would say be honest about the aspie-ness, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

(sorry for the multitude of cliche phrases)

I don't understand much of what you said but agree with other parts.
Also Autism is a spectrum so it's not always you are either more AS or more Classic as it once was (regardless of any changes) I am considered middle of the road, I'm AS (as some places in the world consider it) or mild Autistic as it is now known as here in the USA only because of my IQ test scores, in other areas I am more Autstic, this is from 3 doctors on how they would describe me, 2 of whom only deal with Autism.

But what seems clear is this is becoming something that it is not, I am not feeling sorry for my self and I am not weak, I may have complained a bit but I am being honest and accepting of my condition and situation based not just on self realization but as well as based off what doctors have come to say about me as well as friends and family. Also I have wanted to be owned anyway as a pet or a slave and I think being Autistic has some play in it as it can help me in places I do not do well at. That is how I feel on it, but others will have their own thoughts (doesn't make it reality) on what is going on. Lets leave skepticism and personal opinions out of the picture. Sorry if I miss-understand or anything but that is how I understand some things that have been said.

I honestly don't think dating or a monogamous relationship could ever work for me, just being honest, I need something with more drive and address my more sub nature if that makes sense is what it comes down to is what I think but I seek input so not to end up with something bad. If saying I have Autism (in any form) makes me seem weak then it might hurt me yet if I don't say anything about it I am lying which I will not do is lie. So I am stuck in this aspect. I feel I should say so and explain how things affect me so others can take that into consideration yet at the same time by doing so I will forever be alone due to the stigma especially due to recent events in the news. This is what is frustrating me and makes me stuck unknowing how to contiue and at the same time I can't have this being stuck as I drop into a vicious depression and such from it. It's I think called a catch 22?

I am just confused and scared and I can't continue to be alone, I am not someone that can remain alone, I've tried for so long, but I don't want just love and sex and that, I need someone to push me, give me things to do otherwise I don't know what to do and end up staying in my room all the time playing Minecraft to pass the time or sleeping because quite literally I don't know what to do, that is just how it is with me. I don't know what I'd do with out Minecraft LOL, it's only thing I can play on Linux and this internet connection with all it's packet loss... Road Runner sucks.

I suppose this isn't really the place for good advice on these things really.
Thanks for the input though everyone.