Some advice

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Hi there

I'm 31 years old, and have never had a girlfriend. There is a girl that I like working in a shop nearby, but I am struggling to read the situation.

Basically hoping I am not falling for the being nice because that is their job fallacy.

Basically the girl I liked before (that situation also crashed and burned after about 4 sentences from me) was extremely flirty, so it was easier to read her, it somehow by passed my social ineptness and got to some basic lower instincts.

This one is more difficult. She is friendly when she talks to me. I also took her some cookies at work, and she said it was very sweet. Today I walked past her in the mall towards the coffee place, and she ignored me, head raised and looking the other direction. Then about 3 minutes later she was behind me in the queue in the coffee shop and looked surprised to see me, but was very friendly. Then I went to her shop to buy something I needed, someone else helped me, she was in the back, I thought I'd pretend like she does not exist otherwise I might creep her out, and she looked at me 3 times, and also told the other staff member my account number when they struggled with it.

Her boss ignores me when I come into the shop and is borderline rude, so I hope I am not being creepy. I am always friendly and say thank you to the staff, so don't know what that is about.

So I bought a nice cigar and smoked it at home, thinking that this is probably over (I only smoke when something bad happens).

But then I thought about this forum and that I was wanting to join it, so thought I'd post here first.

I'm basically hoping for something basic, like eye batting and lip licking, which would be a clear signal to me that she is interested. This is, however, confusing, and I am thinking of backing off rather.

Any advice?

I think you should just go for it. Obviously it depends on the situation, but just be like "hey, want to go do xxx after work one day?"

If she likes you, she'll accept, if not, you're in the same situation as if you "just backed off".

And if she says no,please do not take it personal.

I wouldn't take it personally if you were to ask her out and get a "no" answer. My girlfriend has turned down some guys and I would have to say only one of them never took it personally. When out in environments that these guys she turned own happened to be in with us, they would either give avoid eye contact, avoid smiling or just avoid talking to her. She doesn't like it when guys avoid her because they were rejected. I would gather other women don't like it either.

I don't think it's cool to ask someone out while they are working. Striking up a conversation is okay, but anything more is not appropriate to the situation. If she's interested she will let you know. For example if she asks you to join her for her break that would signal she's interested.

I don't want to poop on your parade, but I think you might already have creeped her out. The reason I say this is the boss being rude. He has a vested interest in making people feel welcome in the shop. If his behavior is inconsistent with his known motivators that suggests an issue. Of course it's possible the issue might be that he's just a jerk.

I have to agree with the Ann, flirting with someone while they are at work is problematic.

I'd back off a little, find a different shop to go to for a while. You'll probably run into her again at some point, let this happen naturally. If it feels right ask about going for coffee then, but don't be afraid to end the conversation yourself without asking her.

Hyperfocus and a little social ineptitude is easy to misinterpret as an unhealthy fixation. It might sound like playing games, but there really isn't anything wrong with playing hard to get. It's probably your best shot.

I used to have a serious thing for a woman I just couldn't read. Even after a going out on a couple of dates I just couldn't tell how she felt about me. It was driving me crazy, I gave up. I eventually found out she was more concerned about the car I drive than anything about me personally.