Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
Yes there is indeed a difference between love and lust. However, wilburforce makes it sound like she has no real interest in sex. And even if that's the case it's no skin off my big nose. Is that the case with you as well? Because most women I know certainly Do want sex. And in fact, they want it as much as men do! That's one of the biggest myths about women: That they don't want sex. And I have definitely encountered women who act as if love is all that matters and not sex. But I cannot be sure if this is really how they think nor have I been involved romantically with such a woman. All the girlfriends I've had very much wanted sex but didn't openly admit to it until we met and then got involved.
I think they just mean to say some women take some more time to 'warm-up' to sex.
As a teen male in my observations I've noticed after just a few weeks of dating I might already feel strong physical attractions to the female, but she still takes some time before those feelings would start happening yet. I've heard it's because they do prefer love with sex if their intention is a relationship, and want to know the guy can provide safety, security, happiness, etc.
^What about love before first sight [such as meeting on this very forum before meeting in real life]? ![]()
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Yup, that's possible and it does happen. In these cases you're falling in love with aspects of their personality that are being conveyed in their writing (and let's face it, many aspies are much more eloquent and expressive in their writing than they are face to face).
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Diagnosed ASD 4/22/16
All magic comes with a price! - Rumplestiltskin
As a teen male in my observations I've noticed after just a few weeks of dating I might already feel strong physical attractions to the female, but she still takes some time before those feelings would start happening yet. I've heard it's because they do prefer love with sex if their intention is a relationship, and want to know the guy can provide safety, security, happiness, etc.
Oh, don't get me wrong--there have been times where romance (and sex) happened very soon after me meeting someone (like after only a few hours of talking). Sometimes there is instant attraction...but it's not always how you think. For instance: with one ex-boyfriend (probably my favourite of all my exes, actually) it was his voice I was immediately attracted to, because I heard him talk before I actually saw him. The way he looked certainly increased my interest (he was a fine-looking man) so I won't say that physical attraction isn't part of the process of getting together with someone (it obviously contributes in regards to sexual relationships), but the initial thing that drew me in and made me feel like I needed to get to know him better was the sound of his voice.
I think once you've fallen for someone whom you first didn't find attractive your standards change and you realise that looks aren't the be all and end all of everything.
I think few people start off like that. As a teen I probably went for looks more and as I got older I realised that other things are more important.
Do you know, when people talk about how much they envy or hate NT's, how much like them we sound? Different, but exactly the same in some ways...
We talk about the labels they use on us, but we respond by doing back to them what they have done. hence "neurotypical"
Not a criticism, just observation. I'm as guilty or even more so, at times.
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Tend to be blunt, tend to put my foot in my mouth, I am probably the smartest idiot you'll ever meet. And a bit of a cynic.
But I care. A lot.
(My username is "tongue in cheek" BTW)
We talk about the labels they use on us, but we respond by doing back to them what they have done. hence "neurotypical"
Not a criticism, just observation. I'm as guilty or even more so, at times.
What goes around comes around. If you label others, you get labeled yourself.
I think few people start off like that. As a teen I probably went for looks more and as I got older I realised that other things are more important.
Sometimes that does happen. And those Nice Guys(TM) often exploit this to try to persuade a gal they fancy to fall for them by befriending them and most of the time it never works. When I was younger I would fall for people I was already friends with even though I didn't find them attractive at first but that was probably because I didn't quite know what I want. Nowadays that never happens.
It might very well be that you are *subconsciously* attracted to that person upon meeting them but you don't become aware of those feelings until later on. People are not always aware of their motivations and what it is that they like UNTIL they encounter it.
In general I think women have an easier time getting dates, but in terms of finding an actual meaningful connection with someone I'd say it's about equally difficult for both. If all a woman is interested in is casual dating and sex, then she will probably have an easier time finding it than an average guy. But if she's looking for a long term relationship it's going to be harder.
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States
How come the women that don't get approached never do it themselves?
I always wonder, what do those girl/women that don't get attention from males actually do to get a relationship? What effort (if any) do they make?
Taking care of their appearance and hygiene are standard/don't count because every (normal) person does it.
I'm saying if you're one of those women that supposedly never get attention/approached/etc., what active effort are you making to be on the right track for a relationship?
Are you at least joining clubs/groups, going places to meet people, maybe even approaching males more often in public (even just for normal conversation that doesn't have to be romantic in intentions).?
Also, why wouldn't you ever want to approach? Because society deems it 'desperate'? Why do you care anyway? Just ignore them/it's your life not theirs. Besides, who is actually saying this?
I have heard a lot of women say they choose not to approach as they don't want people to consider them 'sl*tty/desperate'. Who are these 'people', where are they, and why does it matter?
I'm sorry for the complaining, but I'm just questioning things.
I'm genuinely curious to any adult women here: If you don't recieve much attention from males at all, do you try and do something to change that? And what?
My answer as a teen male: When I was single: Dress nice as possible, walk tall and confident, don't be afraid to greet people here and there, don't avoid conversations with others, joined a few clubs/groups, try to meet as many people as possible, as often as possible.
This isn't meant to be hostile, either. I'm not implying women don't make an effort, I'm asking do you, and what is this effort?
Heck, it's possible men and women make an equal amount of effort, but the efforts of women might just be less visible. Why might this be?
It's still really quite rare for a woman to actually ask a man out for a date. It just doesn't happen too often. The societal roles remain pretty well entrenched.
Like I stated previously, the one and only time I was ever asked out for a date was when I was 17 years old. I'm 54 years and 11.5 months old now (I'll be 55 on January 2nd). It turned out she wanted to convert me to her form of Christianity. I have no hygiene problems, and I'm not terrible-looking. I dress decently. My conversation flows relatively smoothly for one on the Spectrum.
I don't believe, in my lifetime, that a woman will ever ask me out for a date. I'm not upset about that. It's just the way it is.
Why don't woman ask guys for dates? I guess it's because, in Western Society, it is ingrained in ladies that they could provide subtle and not-so-subtle indications of their interest--but that the man must actually initiate the actual asking-out.

