Disappointed by real person?

Post Reply New Topic

Have you ever read someone's profile on a dating site thought they sounded cool and they were attractive and got all excited to meet them? But then when you actually did you realized they're nothing like who you thought they were and you don't like this person at all? That just happened to me. I found a girl within okay driving distance of me who sounded really cool. She was into video games and books and anime and stuff. She even cosplays (something I don't do but I think is cool). So I started messaging her and we set up a date. But then when we met it went... bad. She was just really irritating. She kept trying to throw Japanese words into every sentence and she listed a bunch of anime characters as her ideal boyfriend. I'm almost phobically afraid of crowds and I do everything I can to keep from being noticed by them. She talked so loud (one step below yelling) the hole time and it felt like everyone was looking at us the whole time. I decided not to see her again because even though I thought she would be cool because we shared interests but I don't think I could stand to be around her anymore then I already have been. Has this happened to anyone else?

I bet you anybody who has dome online dating has had a similar experience to you.

Hahaha! Awe, man...one of THOSE. lol

I'm not you, but here's what I would do: keep her in your dating pool, keep making other contacts, and just see if you get any more takers. If you do, go out with the girl. If NOT, call her up and ask if she's interested in getting together.

It's all about the right priorities here. Don't be so relationship-minded you forget to have fun with the opposite sex. The relationship is one goal of many, of course, but it takes a lot of baby steps before you arrive. So rather than "meet girl, take her home," go with "never spend a weekend alone." Cycle through them. If latest girl turns you down, ask out last week's girl. If she bails on you, call Ms. 2 Weeks Ago and say, "hey, I got these two tickets to ____. I was just gonna give them away, but then I thought about you and thought what the heck. I know it's last minute, but if you don't have any plans, would you like to ____?"

If Friday night is too soon and that's when girl flaked on you, ask another girl out for Saturday. If she turns you down, call up the next girl and say, "hey, I was JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU and wondering if you're busy tomorrow or Sunday. I'd like to get together and do something, maybe ____ or ____. Think you're up for it? Cool! Tomorrow? No good? How about Sunday? Nice! I'll pick you up at 4."

It won't work ALL the time if you aren't already in the habit of doing this very often, but sooner or later the more girls you go out with you won't have to worry.

Angelrho you can't just force yourself into an intimate relationship with someone who irritates you.

This loudness and shoving Japanese words into the chat inappropriately isn't going to magically go away.

I totally understand OP.

I've not done online dating, but I've got to know people in real life, male and female who are just the kind of people who grate on me. I don't have to spend time with them if I don't want to.

#edit

Re-reading Angelrho's post it looks like he's suggesting using people to give you someone to hang out with if you have a free night. Yet. Let's just advocate using people.

Angelrho and I not on same wavelength lol.

Hurtloam: first of all...you can be the most infuriating person sometimes. You know exactly how to get my blood boiling. If I were there right now, I'd...I'd...

...oh, just forget it.

Let me make this clear: there is no such thing as a good person. End of story. Or at least that's how it starts.

You will never date someone you don't use for some purpose. And no one who reciprocates is doing it out of "the goodness of his/her heart." It's not about "advocating" using anyone. That's just the net result of it. That's just human nature.

I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it as many times as it takes to sink in: everyone is selfish and out for him/herself. The best any of us can hope for in a relationship is that the other person wants us just as much.

Using each other? That's just how it is. Everyone is using each other. Doesn't make it a "bad" thing any more than wanting anything is "bad."

Are you going to stop breathing air because it means you're "using" it? Or eating because you're "using" food? Or drinking because you're "using" something containing water?

What is so wrong with someone wanting companionship on his days off? What is so wrong about getting to know several people who may or may not be relationship material? What's so wrong with making friends and hanging out?

Yeah, you're "using" people. So what?

[no, I'm not REALLY upset. I thought your last post was cute, the bit about our "wavelength." Had circumstances been different, I think exploring that "wavelength " might have been fun! ]

Aw. Yeah, it happens... I suggest having long, frequent conversations with the person you wish to meet *before* you meet! That way, you know a bit more about each other, including potentially annoying habits. Another thing I like is video chats: you can hear each other's voice (good for knowing what their voice is like) and see each other real-time (photos are often edited, filtered, taken at specific angles with special lighting, etc).

Good luck with your dating antics! I've tried using tinder, but all the girls stop talking to me after about 3 sentences or so. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

Dating sites are like used car sites. They showoff the good, and hide the bad.

Pictures and a brief description don't tell you everything you need to know about a person, no matter how honest the person tries to be. The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them in person.

That being said, I have met people that looked attractive and interesting, only to discover the opposite when I met them, and I've met others that seemed uninteresting online, and found them pleasant in real life.

But he doesn't even like her! Why would you want someone around who you don't even like?

Why is it bad to use someone? Good question. I think because if they really like you and want something more and you're just playing with them and the other person will get hurt.

People are not toys.

I believe, whilst no one can be perfect, it's best to try and minimise how much we hurt other people if it is with on our power to do so.

People are not food. You won't hurt the feelings of a packet of chips, but you can hurt the other person if you're not careful.

Have you not seen people writing things on this forum about how they thought they had a friend or lover, but it turned out the other person didn't really like them and cast them away like they were nothing when the opportunity came along.

I value empathy over getting what I want.

There's always a reason why one ends up in a dating site...

Oh, do you? Then why is it you argue with me than try to see things from my point of view? Aren't you just using me to push your own agenda?

Maybe you DO value empathy. But you only truly value it when someone is willing to empathize with you. I'm not trying to be unkind. I'm not throwing anything at anyone I'm not guilty of myself.

Last edited by AngelRho on 03 Sep 2017, 10:36 am, edited 2 times in total.

1997 called and wants its outdated ideas about online dating back from you please.

Welcome to 2017 where really hot doctors use online dating apps too.

There is literally nothing wrong with the girl in OP's story except that OP wasn't attracted to her. Nothing wrong with that either.
Don't make this out to be a case of either of them being flawed somehow and needing a dating site for that reason. That's ridiculous.
Lots of guys would love a loud confident Japanese speaking girl. I literally know ten off hand who'd love that.

No, pretty much what you said was gross.and she is calling you out for it.
Now I am too.

Don't take it personally, many women are completely inundated with messages and it becomes overwhelming to reply to everyone.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for hetero men or gay women to find dates online

Gross? How so?

I think there is a lot of truth to this, my own self included.

Just before I met Mrs. GHF I found I was reading profiles with the eye that there was a very good reason they were a)single and b)on a dating site.

As for the topic at hand, just before I met my wife I was talking to another girl who lived about 2 hours away. We had some great conversations and she seemed like a total sweetheart. Just after I made it official with Mrs GHF, she told me she was in my city. I decided to meet her anyway because she seemed like a nice person and she was as boring as toast (yes, she knew I was no longer interested in a romantic relationship). In short, she had absolutely no personality, no social skills (she lived on a farm and it showed) and was like a fish out of water.

I soon broke off contact for good with her because she was nothing like the awesome person I spoke to on the phone.

Did you meet mrs GHF from online dating? Or did you meet her irl/"the normal way"?

I'm in online dating because it's hard to find guys in my own age range who are single (i mean i guess i might also have a personality flaw that i am unaware of, but i can't account for that at present).