Would you date an NT?

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donkey for donkeys
horse for horses

==>

NT for NT's
AS for AS's

Lol, I'm starting to think I'm more of a mule in that sense.Its freaky because I really don't feel AS or NT women are either more in line with what I want in a relationship than the other. Then again maybe AS women who are more like myself may just not be up for going on aspie web forums; either way odds of me meeting an NT who's like myself inwardly I think it much much higher. Trick is catching em off the right angle at the right time...

This is the exact same argument used against interracial dating. If someone is born without a hand does that mean that this person can only date another person without a hand? If someone is born with infrared vision does this mean that this person can only date another person with infrared vision? If someone is born a genius does that mean that he cannot date a dumb blonde bimbo?

Can a person of the Johnson family only be able to date someone else from the Johnson family?

Would I date an NT woman? Darned right I would! There are fine people to meet and know in the NT crowd. I'm not the least bit afraid to acquaint with women and too, I usually get the idea pretty fast whether or not she is good to get to know. If she's not for me, well... there are lots of fish in the sea

I put other. I think I would but am in my first relationship ever and although he may not DEFINITELY have asperger's, no way is he 100% pure NT.

Nope, you misunderstood me.
What I’ve said has nothing to do nor with racism nor with physical disabilities. I value all people equally. This is only about the way of life of NT's and AS's. AS's have trouble with social interaction. I wouldn't say it's a trouble for them, they simply don't need it that much. They can feel secure and feel happy without being in a crowd of people, because AS's are born for reasoning (I think), NT’s prefer acting.
Maybe it seems like different hobbies, but I think of two different perceptions of security. AS's feel secure when they are on the way of inventing something new, which could give them advantage to survive, maybe to present it for others "I'm smart value me!". NT's instinctively (instinct that comes from ancient times) feel secure when they are in a crowd of people and it seems for them like no tiger, no wolf or other predator will try to catch them, cause they (people) are strong and capable to resist when they are together.

Such differences remind me two different species.

Lets say NT girl and AS guy meet on a third day from their first date. "Common lets have some fun". (Common lets feel more secure). NT will think about disco, bar or cinema". AS will think about watching stars half night on the roof and talking about (not with!) alliens, installation of new linux that was released two days ago, or maybe cinema. It's cool they both agree to go to the cinema.
Next day.
NT says oh, I missed discos, you know I want to meet people. AS says, you know I need to finish my own operating system, I can’t wait how I want to present it for my professor. So now they must find a compromise activity, which is more ore less disappointment for both. Next day. Again compromise… …
Month later. NT talks to AS. NT says. "You know I think you are really lovely guy, but I think that we don't fit to each other".
Relationship is over.

I treat it this way:

Relationship Chances for happy relationship
AS-AS High
NT-NT High
NT-AS Low

There are no strict boundaries between AS and NT (my opinion). If they existed NT-AS would be ~0.


Ok, maybe my imagination gone too far. (Maybe I have no imagination at all). But don’t blame me for racism or other hell! I like people as they are.

I never blamed you for racism. I just said that this is the same argument. Let me put it another way.

If a person is blind does that mean that this person should only date another blind person? Blindness is not necessary a disability. Other senses ramp up to compensate for the loss of sight. Someone who can see will not be able to hear the same music that a blind person hears, smell the same flower that a blind person smells, taste the same strawberry that a blind person tastes, or feel the same silk that a blind person feels. A person who has sight would live in a totally different world than that of a blind person. And yet these relationships work out all the time.

You have said that an NT's idea of fun would be to go out to a club or something of that sort where there is a large group. The truth is that most NT's do not like to do this sort of thing, only a segment of the population that is "hyper-social". Most NT's are somewhere in between the hyper-social club goers and the hypo-social hermits. And believe me, there are plenty of reclusive NT's out there. Of course we mostly see the NT's that are higher on the social activity scale, because these are the people who are trying to be seen. I don't see these people as much, because I don't go to movies and I don't watch television. I read books, but I don't even read popular books (the last two books that I have read are Weak Interaction in Astrophysics and The German Strategy of World Conquest, which was written in 1939). There are many NT's that would love to sit on a rooftop watching the stars and discussing Linux servers, just as there are many people with Asperger's who would hate that. Most of the people who are classified as "nerds" or "geeks" are NT's, don't forget.

I have been with my boyfriend who is "NT" for three years and I can't say we haven't had social problems... however that is a somewhat normal thing, because not everyone likes the same things and has the same expectations regardless of they're NT/AS status. A simple way is to just come to the conclusion that if they want to go out and have fun interacting with vast amounts of people they can go and you can stay home.. Once that happens you get space and time alone plus time with them on other occassions.
And I agree that not all "NT's" are like that, I know many people who would want nothing more then to sit and stare at the stars discussing the prospects of aliens and the like, or just sitting there and reading a book not saying a word. I thinks it's very possible to find someone like you in many ways who will accept you for who you are regardless.

I have noticed a few people making comments that seemed to indicate that people with AS would necessarily get on well together. I am not sure this is necessarily true. Given that people often have different temperaments I could see people who are AS being as incompatible together as people who form an NT-AS pairing.

In fact an AS-NT pairing could be more successful at some stages in life because one could compensate for the other.

yep, to this, and to PaulB as well.

I voted that I wouldn't date an NT girl, because I find NTs (female ones in particular) to be deceitful.

Of course, I do shag NT girls - but thats different.

why different, spidermonkey?

obviously, i do know what the difference is. but why should it be okay to "shag" (*shudder*) NT women but not date them, which is what your post suggests?

I would of thought that was quite obvious. Nearly everyone has sexual needs but not everyone has someone that they love. Sex is a completely different thing from love. Though obviously everyone wants to go out with someone they fancy. My male cat wanted to have sex with my other male cat until he got the chop from the vet. Do you think he loved him?

Eamonn,
I totally agree. Everyone has desires but in my opinion if you don't love them, why bother? And you're also correct in stating that Sex is completely different from love. I guess some people can go out and have sex and not be bothered one way or another but I really believe that there is a high chance of someone being very hurt. It's a very personal thing. And why would anyone want to go out and hurt someone whether they are NT's or Aspies?

Spidermonkey, I don't see how it's different!!

Just my opinion.
Mellow

One thing I've really noticed with a lot of NT's in general, you really need to solidly build that rancid and calous corner into your personality where your just as capable of being deceitful, cunning, deceptive, and just as dark a thinker on so many levels. If you don't, the certain innocense associated with being that particular nice guy or nice girl is generally a very demeaning one and one that people tend to link with someone being mildly ret*d or not all there.

I just had another one of those instances where I was talking to a new girl who was cute, dorky in that Meg Ryanish kind of way, seemed to have all those endeering traits that have been indicators of realness to me in the past, yet when she was talking to a whole bunch of the guys who work in the back (who I'm also totally cool with) she started pulling out that particular edge - mind you it's not a combative thing, she wasn't arguing, it's just a certain plane of thought and logic the conversation was flowing on (or social dialog) that tends to give a lot of us a cold shudder.

How did I feel? Like I always do - extremely embarassed that I'm the only person who doesn't have that seed in em (I do everything I can to fake it but I still feel too damn innocent inwardly and I think a lot of people can see right through it). Not only does it seem like you need that certain little corner of your personality to be seen as a legitimate adult but if you don't have that certain calous corner to your personality as a guy - NT women won't touch you. That's one of the reasons it also creeps me out so much when I've had some waitress way "Wow! Your such a good boy!" - lol, as far as I'm concerned, even if intended well, the bottom line is that's NOT a good thing; it's a complete disqualifier.

The good thing is, even though I've had to hammer at myself for years and years on this, I finally think I'm starting to kick out that innocent, moody, naive little kid from my head and starting to be able to think like a cold, hardened adult. I'm not quite there yet but I guarantee, as soon as I can start vibing like I have that certain potential hidden-evil or like I have the capacity for lofty social schemes I'll probably start finding women. I'm not at all saying I'd need to be a POS to get a woman, in contrast I'd probably find a pretty nice girl somewhere along the way as long as I sorted through em all. The bottom line issue with this though seems to be one thing - protectorate. It's a primeval thing where women just will not touch a clueless guy because he's never ever ever gonna ammount to a proper protectorate in their minds (or at least that's the idea I'm getting) and that a real man, whether mean or not, has to be hardned and has to have every last shred of childhood innocense cut and cauterized out of himself.