Why bother with dating?

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I have always looked at dating as a bizarre NT thing I don't understand and is of no use to me at all. That's not the same as not wanting relationships, I've had several and am currently there, but the structure of dating both has no appeal and the way I live my life just isn't a thing that happens. I get to know people through hobbies or occasionally work and I mutually identify people I want to be in a relationship with, and none of these weird date-like things happen.

I'm not even sure how I would get a standard first date, it sounds like somehow I end up semi-randomly picking someone I have a vanishingly unlikely chance of ever being attracted to, follow a bunch of painfully dull NT conventions I would struggle with, be expected to be terribly judgemental of them if they break any, and it all seems a bit daft and pointless really. I just do stuff I enjoy, which naturally results in meeting similar people who enjoy the same things.

So if you're having trouble getting past date [number], or can't get dates, scrap them! There are other ways of meeting and entering relationships with people.

I really don't have a clue. Maybe that's true and my method is perfectly normal, even for NT. In which case maybe the problem some people on this forum are having is that they're trying to imitate a system they've seen on TV but which doesn't actually exist any more. Or at least following the 30 year old rules of it.

But traditional dating seems like the worst possible way for oddballs.

You probably have rituals or traditions/patterns you have established for yourself. Societies are the same, but reflect collective consciousness. But they are not laws per se. I think what's important is how much stock your date takes in various things. When differing attitudes meet, the middle is a good place to start.

Interesting, and parts look familiar. I'm not sure why they felt the need to mention social media, probably because every social commentary is expected to, it's not relevant. That hookup culture was around when I started my studies, and Facebook only took off part way through.

Hooking up while drunk out clubbing and traditional dating aren't the only options, both are equally unappealing. I actually prefer the former, that involves some sort of mutual attraction, wheras if I went on a date I have a horrible feeling I would be expected to subject myself to some sort of mild physical violation by someone I was completely uninterested in because I had spent an evening out without actively disliking them (or was too polite to say I had developed such a dislike).

They both sound pretty rubbish really, and even more rubbish if you're an oddball.

No idea. I don't anymore.

Pj4990 I think that most people do want to meet someone as they go about their everyday life and dating is a bit of a forced situation. The thing is if you just are not meeting someone then actually dating people feels like you are making an effort to change your life rather than sitting on your butt waiting for someone to turn up.

A friend asked me years ago if my friend would say yes if his friend asked her out. I said, no, she doesn't even know him. He said, that's the point of a date. So she can get to know him.

Personally I prefer the meeting someone through friends and getting to know them that way method. It so far has not worked for me, but I know people it has worked for.

I don't understand the point, since there is virtually nothing in between being the person that others fantasize and dream about, and being the person that people settle for when they can't get anybody else.