My boyfriend upset me & i dont no what to do...

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Bsically I had been going out with my boyfriend for a year and he then told me he watches porn. I asked him to stop because it made me feel like i wasnt good enough as he had to watch other people. He said that he doesnt no why he does it but its partly that he pretends its us and he watches it for techniques. He promised to stop and for quite a while he did, then about six months later he wanted to show me a website (about world of warcraft of all things!) and he couldn't remember the address so he went through the history of the websites he had been on and then I saw a porn website. I felt so sad that he had broken a promise. I asked him why he done it but he said he didn't no and he had only done it once about a week before I saw.

I forgave him and he said he would never do it again because he never wanted me to be that upset ever again but i didn't believe him. He baked me a cake and promised he would walk me home from college every day (he hasn't broken that one (yet?)).

Anyway, because i didnt believe him about three weeks later i randomly said i wanted to check the search history of his computer. He then led me to the kitchen, handed me a flapjack and then said he had to go upstairs to get something. i knew that he was just going to get rid of the evidence and i told him this. He then admitteded he had watched it once a couple of days before. I wasn't as sad as last time because in my heart i was expecting this to happen. He told me he would do anything to make it up to me so a few days later I made him buy me some really nice underwear that i wanted and he invited me to his house so we could watch a film together. Whilst at his house I said I wanted to see what sort of filth he had been watching and it turns out it was teen porn which made me upset because we are teenagers and it makes me feel inadequate if he feels teh need to watch other teenage girls. So he gave me his wireless adaptor and ethernet cable so he no longer has the internet in his bedroom so he cant watch anymore because he says he doesnt want to. He keeps saying its not to do with me why he done it, there's something wrong with him and he doent no what.

Anyway, i'm not sure if i sould forgive him for this. He broke several promisses and if he really did love me he wouldnt need to give me his cable he would just not watch it. He says he will make it up to me. He buys me banana milkshake a lot 'cos its my favourite and keeps saying i should hate him and he doesnt deserve me. Should i hate him? I want to be with him but it's not good when you think about your boyfriend and feel ill because of what they done.

Try to ween him off it. Maybe use some of the techniques used in the porn itself. Watching and becoming obsessinve or getting off to it are different things. Does he avoid giving you affection? If he spends more time with porn than he does with you, that would be a problem.

Most guys I know occasionally watch porn. The hormonal urges to reproduce are extremly powerful in guys and they need to releave it by masturbating. It has nothing to do with you. The alternative is that he could go to you for sex whenever he get horny.

Believe me when I say that it is not that you are inadiquite. I mean, if you were, he would have already left you. Since he has not, I think he finds you more than adiquate.

Whether you choose to forgive him or not is not for me to say, but I will say that him looking at porn is not a reflection on you.

It sounds like he has a porn addiction and can't stop because he feels he has to watch it. So he is trying really hard to stop it sounds like because he gave you his wireless adapter and cable.



It is hard to stop doing something you enjoy because it would be like someone telling you to stop your obsession. It would be hard wouldn't it. It be hard for anyone they enjoy doing. I am sure my dad would have a difficulty time not watching sports and might sneak it too.

I don't know if this helps or not, but here goes ...

I don't personally like porn, but if a girl friend started demanding to see my internet history or started taking my phone to look at who I'd been calling/texting ... that would be (and HAS been) the end of the relationship.

Many men (and women) enjoy porn ... unless he sits there every night with one hand on his joy-stick ... you've nothing to fear, and a lot to lose if you keep pushing him on it.

Honestly... I think you should learn to let it go, if you can. Accept that most guys - especially teenage guys with computer access - like porn. You say you're teenagers... he's curious and figuring things out. It's normal. Porn is most likely arousing to him, sure. But it's a mechanical kind of arousal, not anything like actually being with someone you care about. He knows this. You should know this. Unless it's interfering with the relationship itself in some way, I don't see why it should be a problem.

And I say this as a girl whose boyfriend also deletes his computer history regularly.

I know it sucks that he watches porn, but SO many guys do! I think guys have a higher sex drive than girls and they actually need to release those urges more often than we do.

As far as what he says about watching porn, but imagining it's you, I totally believe that is true. If he feels a really strong urge, and you're not there, maybe he can't relax until he relieves it, and will need visual stimulation (as guys tend to lack in the imagination department) but will get off at the thought of you and him, not him and some random on the screen. I think as long as he does imagine it's you, it certainly means he loves you and no other and you're the only one good enough to arouse him.

I must admit, when I *ahem* (you know what I mean), yeah, at the time I was with my bf, I only *ahemmed* to the thought of him.

I think it does suck that he lied to you about it, and this is not such a good thing. It sucks, but NT guys are liars. They lie. Just like NT girls do. It's what they do. It doesn't mean they don't love you to the full extent of their abilities. I guess you've got to live with the lying. Every NT person I know of in a relationship has lied at some stage about something, and most of the lies are about worse things.

My previous bf lied to me about his girlfriend. While we were into each other, and talking 6 hours a night, etc, I couldn't understand why he didn't just ask me out. I thought he was single, and I think once before he had mumbled that he was single. Finally, I gathered the courage and asked him out. Then he said, yes, he wanted to go out with me, but could I just wait and be patient because he had to sort some things out first. So I said ok, having no idea what it was, and feeling really s**t because he hadn't told me the reason, then on saturday night he was talking to me on msn (again) and he seemed non-communicative and I asked him if he was ok, and he said he'd just broken up with his girlfriend so he could go out with me.

I was upset that he hadn't told me he had a girlfriend, and very upset that he'd (even though we'd never done anything physical) pretty much been mentally cheating on her with me all year, but I loved him too much to say anything, and I just dealt with it. I don't regret our relationship, it was amazing. I accepted that NT guys don't have the same values we aspie girls do, and I've accepted that I have to be open-minded and able to deal with these things if I want to go out with them.

I don't mean to come off rude either... now do I?

If he really does have an addiction to porn, by all means, continue to help him get off of it. He's trying, though. I don't think you want to make him feel like a failure. I to, doubt it has anything to do with you being "inadequate". I have tried erotic books and porn recently this year myself, and I do support the fact that it releaves alot of horny feelings. And yes, I do think boys have more 'horny' than we do. Now, I doubt he wants to be horny to the point that he hurts you or literaly screws the relationship.