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Males with aspergers - STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP!

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blueroses
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18 Jul 2011, 4:41 pm

MR20 wrote:
You've seen my threads, why should I change the way I feel about people if you know the experiences I had in present and the past. With the circumstances and the situation that I'm in, why do I need to let go of the anger that I feel towards these people? I think it's perfectly justified.


I'm going to put this out there as 'food for thought' and, of course, you're free to take it or leave it.

I've had many experiences in life that have left me with anger. The majority of the time my anger has been justified, but very rarely has my anger ever been effective or useful for me.

I've found that if I can't channel my anger into something positive or find a way to let it go, it just turns toxic. I can be completely justified in my anger towards people who have wronged me, but at the end of the day, I feel I'm just hurting myself by holding onto it.



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18 Jul 2011, 4:45 pm

Anger is one letter short of danger

It is the first step to creating change, but never hold on to long term anger....



blueroses
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18 Jul 2011, 5:01 pm

Surfman wrote:
Anger is one letter short of danger

It is the first step to creating change, but never hold on to long term anger....


That's a good way of putting it and I should really try to remember that--thanks.



AceOfSpades
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19 Jul 2011, 8:15 am

MR20 wrote:
Ok to the people spouting their so called optimism in this thread, tell me do I have any chance of dating a good looking woman.

Let's see:

I'm ugly, I'm poor, I just turned 25 and I still live with my parents.

I have no friends and I spend most of my time in my house playing video games and anime.

I'm perceived as slow and dumb, I dropped out of HS in the 9th grade while in special ed, so I have no hope or prospects for a good future.

There is no hope for people like me, I'm so sick you idiots thinking it's our fault! We can't help the way we are.
You don't.

A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick so if you aren't willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, don't expect anything to improve. You hold high standards when it comes to women yet you don't hold yourself to the same standard. I'm sure you wouldn't want a woman who hasn't showered for 6 months, so why would a woman put up with someone like you who hardly ever showers?



MR20
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19 Jul 2011, 9:27 am

AceOfSpades wrote:
MR20 wrote:
Ok to the people spouting their so called optimism in this thread, tell me do I have any chance of dating a good looking woman.

Let's see:

I'm ugly, I'm poor, I just turned 25 and I still live with my parents.

I have no friends and I spend most of my time in my house playing video games and anime.

I'm perceived as slow and dumb, I dropped out of HS in the 9th grade while in special ed, so I have no hope or prospects for a good future.

There is no hope for people like me, I'm so sick you idiots thinking it's our fault! We can't help the way we are.
You don't.

A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick so if you aren't willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, don't expect anything to improve. You hold high standards when it comes to women yet you don't hold yourself to the same standard. I'm sure you wouldn't want a woman who hasn't showered for 6 months, so why would a woman put up with someone like you who hardly ever showers?



:roll:

read the next few posts I made afterwards



AceOfSpades
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19 Jul 2011, 9:38 am

MR20 wrote:
AceOfSpades wrote:
MR20 wrote:
Ok to the people spouting their so called optimism in this thread, tell me do I have any chance of dating a good looking woman.

Let's see:

I'm ugly, I'm poor, I just turned 25 and I still live with my parents.

I have no friends and I spend most of my time in my house playing video games and anime.

I'm perceived as slow and dumb, I dropped out of HS in the 9th grade while in special ed, so I have no hope or prospects for a good future.

There is no hope for people like me, I'm so sick you idiots thinking it's our fault! We can't help the way we are.
You don't.

A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick so if you aren't willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, don't expect anything to improve. You hold high standards when it comes to women yet you don't hold yourself to the same standard. I'm sure you wouldn't want a woman who hasn't showered for 6 months, so why would a woman put up with someone like you who hardly ever showers?



:roll:

read the next few posts I made afterwards
I already have, it's a bunch of "Why should I change?" excuses and self-pitying. Nothing is going to change unless you're willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, and that's that. Don't expect anything to get better if you aren't even willing to make the smallest changes such as selling your video games to have money for some rat poison or w/e.



Last edited by AceOfSpades on 19 Jul 2011, 9:50 am, edited 2 times in total.

MR20
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19 Jul 2011, 9:49 am

AceOfSpades wrote:
MR20 wrote:
AceOfSpades wrote:
MR20 wrote:
Ok to the people spouting their so called optimism in this thread, tell me do I have any chance of dating a good looking woman.

Let's see:

I'm ugly, I'm poor, I just turned 25 and I still live with my parents.

I have no friends and I spend most of my time in my house playing video games and anime.

I'm perceived as slow and dumb, I dropped out of HS in the 9th grade while in special ed, so I have no hope or prospects for a good future.

There is no hope for people like me, I'm so sick you idiots thinking it's our fault! We can't help the way we are.
You don't.

A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick so if you aren't willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, don't expect anything to improve. You hold high standards when it comes to women yet you don't hold yourself to the same standard. I'm sure you wouldn't want a woman who hasn't showered for 6 months, so why would a woman put up with someone like you who hardly ever showers?



:roll:

read the next few posts I made afterwards
I already have, it's a bunch of "Why should I change?" excuses and self-pitying. Nothing is going to change unless you're willing to make adjustments and put effort into it, and that's that.


Nothing will ever change! I was destined to be alone and miserable since the day I was born. It isn't excuses and pitying, it's the truth.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jul 2011, 9:53 am

Quote:
A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick


Would she be using a parachute?



emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 9:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
A good looking woman isn't gonna fall from the sky and land on your dick


Would she be using a parachute?


I hope so, else it would be kind of painful for both parties, falling from such a height. 8O



MR20
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21 Jul 2011, 1:12 am

hyperlexian wrote:
i don't really get what your point is - you're not trying to get a girlfriend and it seems like you don't think you deserve one anyways. so why do you care if we are optimistic for other people? their situation is not like yours, and perhaps they haven't given up hope.

Because people like you need to stop blowing smoke up their ass. There is no hope for them, you know it, I know it. The same people have been on this forum complaining about being alone and virgins for the past 5-6 years. They will be like that forever and it's not their fault. They, like me have tried hard in the past, but to no avail. They've been rejected by so many men/women because of the way they were born; weird looking and too low functioning for people to be bothered with us.

you can feel however you want, of course. there's just no point in bitterness unless you want to make yourself suffer more. your anger doesn't touch us at all, so if you want to lash out it won't work. it's like a boomerang that will bypass us completely and come back to hit you squarely in the head and heart and soul.

Hell yes I'll be bitter because I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because of the way I look and how i act. Who wouldn't be pissed and angry about that?





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21 Jul 2011, 1:27 am

MR20 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i don't really get what your point is - you're not trying to get a girlfriend and it seems like you don't think you deserve one anyways. so why do you care if we are optimistic for other people? their situation is not like yours, and perhaps they haven't given up hope.

Because people like you need to stop blowing smoke up their ass. There is no hope for them, you know it, I know it. The same people have been on this forum complaining about being alone and virgins for the past 5-6 years. They will be like that forever and it's not their fault. They, like me have tried hard in the past, but to no avail. They've been rejected by so many men/women because of the way they were born; weird looking and too low functioning for people to be bothered with us.

you can feel however you want, of course. there's just no point in bitterness unless you want to make yourself suffer more. your anger doesn't touch us at all, so if you want to lash out it won't work. it's like a boomerang that will bypass us completely and come back to hit you squarely in the head and heart and soul.

Hell yes I'll be bitter because I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because of the way I look and how i act. Who wouldn't be pissed and angry about that?




what are you on about? there is hope for most people, though i would not necessarily say that there is hope for you as you have chosen to be as unattractive and unapproachable and bitter and nasty as possible (while still only wanting attractive women)... those traits are not chick magnets. but not everyone is in your situation.

i'm not blowing smoke up anyone's ass... i call them as i see them. did i tell YOU that you had any hope at getting a girlfriend? i don't think i did. you would need to make massive changes, which you said you are not willing to do. so, i guess that's that. you'll just have to find a way to live with that.

and i've said it two or three times already (even in the quoted text, above) but i'll say it as often as necessary... be as bitter as you please, as it only causes pain to you. you have to live inside your own head. that's true for all of us... other people also get to live inside their heads, and those places may be pleasant and happy places, with no bitterness in spite of the horrors they have personally experienced and witnessed. worse things can happen to a person than being single or a virgin.


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MR20
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21 Jul 2011, 1:35 am

hyperlexian wrote:
MR20 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i don't really get what your point is - you're not trying to get a girlfriend and it seems like you don't think you deserve one anyways. so why do you care if we are optimistic for other people? their situation is not like yours, and perhaps they haven't given up hope.

Because people like you need to stop blowing smoke up their ass. There is no hope for them, you know it, I know it. The same people have been on this forum complaining about being alone and virgins for the past 5-6 years. They will be like that forever and it's not their fault. They, like me have tried hard in the past, but to no avail. They've been rejected by so many men/women because of the way they were born; weird looking and too low functioning for people to be bothered with us.

you can feel however you want, of course. there's just no point in bitterness unless you want to make yourself suffer more. your anger doesn't touch us at all, so if you want to lash out it won't work. it's like a boomerang that will bypass us completely and come back to hit you squarely in the head and heart and soul.

Hell yes I'll be bitter because I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because of the way I look and how i act. Who wouldn't be pissed and angry about that?




what are you on about? there is hope for most people, though i would not necessarily say that there is hope for you as you have chosen to be as unattractive and unapproachable and bitter and nasty as possible (while still only wanting attractive women)... those traits are not chick magnets. but not everyone is in your situation.



.

I have not chosen to be anything. I was born unattractive and slow, and people have made me bitter and nasty for not accepting me for who I am throughout my life.



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21 Jul 2011, 6:43 am

Realistically, what would help make things better for you now? I dont mean changing how things are, but something that is within a realm of influence, and realistic.

Are you meeting like minded women? My guess is no.



When you are such a small proportion of society, the mathematical chances of finding a compatible partner become extremely slim.


However, those chances can be hugely improved by trolling in the right spots :arrow:



MR20
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21 Jul 2011, 9:14 am

Surfman wrote:
Realistically, what would help make things better for you now? I dont mean changing how things are, but something that is within a realm of influence, and realistic

Nothing would help. Maybe if I had a few friends that I can make a true connection with, so we can go out in public and do fun things. I'd probably be happy then, but that's probably not realistic.

Are you meeting like minded women? My guess is no.

I haven't "met" any women in 6-7 years, because I know none of them wants to have anything to do with me so I'm saving them the burden of having to reject me. And what do you mean by like-minded women? The ones that are bums and halfway mentally-challenged like me? I don't even think I'll have shot with them.



When you are such a small proportion of society, the mathematical chances of finding a compatible partner become extremely slim.

It makes me very depressed when I think about it like that. I mean why bother living if your going to be alone for the rest of your life.


However, those chances can be hugely improved by trolling in the right spots :arrow:



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21 Jul 2011, 10:40 am

Here's a bit of something I read a while back on a Yahoo news page (accurate or not, I found it quite relevant). It boils down to saying, "Don't get into a relationship until you're ready/comfortable with the prospect. There is no pressure for you to, and peer pressure is the worst kind of reason and can often wind up in disaster." A relationship involves a physical and emotional intimacy that many/most here will have serious issues with. I've been wrestling with this as well, I know that to whomever I do happen to go out with will have my attention, and I'll drop most of what I'd do alone to spend time with said person. However, before I get to that point, I have to handle some issues first:

What would I do?
How would I react to her wanting something "more?"
How much time with things I like to do alone would I have to sacrifice?
How many of said likes would I be able to share with her?
How would my body react to her affections (not necessarily sexual, but say running her fingers over a "sensory hotspot")?

A lot of us here are likely just entering their teens and/or heading into their "prime" age (ie 18-40), and the hormones are going to be an issue. We all know what said hormones want, but the concept of it may be too painful, or awkward, to admit it, or try to find relief in that one person. The point is, "When you're ready, you'll know." For example: I get the sensation of lightning down my spine at the prospect of such a relationship, and that sensation alone deters me from trying. One day, I dont know when, but if the prospect of the lightning sensation pales compared to finding the right person, I'm likely ready to try again.



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21 Jul 2011, 10:51 am

PlatedDrake wrote:
Here's a bit of something I read a while back on a Yahoo news page (accurate or not, I found it quite relevant). It boils down to saying, "Don't get into a relationship until you're ready/comfortable with the prospect. There is no pressure for you to, and peer pressure is the worst kind of reason and can often wind up in disaster." A relationship involves a physical and emotional intimacy that many/most here will have serious issues with. I've been wrestling with this as well, I know that to whomever I do happen to go out with will have my attention, and I'll drop most of what I'd do alone to spend time with said person. However, before I get to that point, I have to handle some issues first:

What would I do?
How would I react to her wanting something "more?"
How much time with things I like to do alone would I have to sacrifice?
How many of said likes would I be able to share with her?
How would my body react to her affections (not necessarily sexual, but say running her fingers over a "sensory hotspot")?

A lot of us here are likely just entering their teens and/or heading into their "prime" age (ie 18-40), and the hormones are going to be an issue. We all know what said hormones want, but the concept of it may be too painful, or awkward, to admit it, or try to find relief in that one person. The point is, "When you're ready, you'll know." For example: I get the sensation of lightning down my spine at the prospect of such a relationship, and that sensation alone deters me from trying. One day, I dont know when, but if the prospect of the lightning sensation pales compared to finding the right person, I'm likely ready to try again.

i agree completely. good explanation.

my therapist encourages me to visualise scenarios like dating activities or being a relationship, and then asks me to evaluate how those scenarios make me feel. then she contrasts my it by asking me to visualise doing the same activities alone.

when i first did these visualisations i had bad feelings about dating as it was too soon for me (after collapse of marriage), but i felt there was social pressure to get "out there" anyways. but when i imagined doing those activities alone i felt free as a bird and quite content.

she explained to me that if/when i am ready to date, then imagining dating scenarios will feel as positive as imagining being single. it's my own internal monitor, i guess. i had to be taught to seek out and interpret my own signals as it was not evident to me. i thought i had no idea how i felt.


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