How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?

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IlovemyAspie
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04 Jun 2012, 1:09 pm

smudge wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

IlovemyAspie wrote:

So you're saying that they were interested at first but then something happened and they either lost interested or were so paralyzed they couldn't act on it?

I get paralyzed sometimes, doesn't necessarily mean loss of feeling. Just excessively defensive about my emotional and physical space, hard to let those barriers down, hard to act. But I'm guessing if it's the same sort of thing going on, he'll answer a direct question about how he feels or what he's comfortable with, honestly (though the body language might not reflect it). That's the emotional space. The physical space is harder but light touch is bad, just increases discomfort, firm touch and firm hugs are good and lots of that over a period of time will probably increase his physical comfort level. That's me, but here direct questions might be good too e.g. do you like hugs etc

Firstly, I'm not posting twice on purpose (not that anyone cares) but posts can get too long otherwise, and I think that's worse.

What you say would make sense, edgewaters. Some of them were interested in me again after they'd distanced themselves from me, but by that time I'd given up (because they were distant for so long). I never got around to hugging any of *those* guys! To be honest (and I'm not trying to be mean) but I found them impossible to work out. I think that's why I'm so drawn to them. Confusing, odd people are interesting.

Smudge:ARRGGHH!! Bad timing! I wonder if they hadn't distanced themselves from you but remained ever present would you have been more willing to try again?

Spongy: Thank you for the clarification and understanding.

smudge
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04 Jun 2012, 1:48 pm

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Last edited by smudge on 08 Jun 2012, 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Vigilans
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04 Jun 2012, 1:57 pm

She approaches you shyly at first, getting bolder as her charm works into you. You cannot take your eyes from her. You will feel something wrapping around your legs. This is her mancapture tentacle. Keep smiling your biggest smile. I could lie now and tell you there is a happy ending, and that it will be over soon, but you are about to undergo unspeakable horrors, the memory of which will be clouded by a pink glow stabbed by your uncontrollable screams of ecstasy and torment

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You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do

NicoleG
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04 Jun 2012, 3:39 pm

Vigilans wrote:

Wait, that's the exact definition of a happy ending to me.

IlovemyAspie
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04 Jun 2012, 4:24 pm

Vigilans wrote:

.... This is her mancapture tentacle...

I wonder if I have one of those??? :lol:

Smudge: sensitive in what way?

Samual
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04 Jun 2012, 11:27 pm

smudge wrote:

I'm not posting twice on purpose (not that anyone cares)

Nah, sorry for being a dick guys. I was pretty bitter last night.

IlovemyAspie
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04 Jun 2012, 11:32 pm

Samual wrote:

smudge wrote:

I'm not posting twice on purpose (not that anyone cares)

Nah, sorry for being a dick guys. I was pretty bitter last night.

No worries Samual it's all good just don't let it happen again. J/K :lol:

smudge
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05 Jun 2012, 7:41 am

====

Last edited by smudge on 08 Jun 2012, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:05 pm

Sorry for posting the replies infrequently.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:06 pm

NicoleG wrote:

ThinkingMonkey wrote:

Also, why would a person show that they care to another person they barely know and if they are not interested in them for dating?

Caring about the well-being of another person doesn't require you to know them well. The better you know them, the most tailored how you show that you care can be, but generalized caring doesn't require detailed knowledge of the other person.

Isn't this empathy? and not caring in a sexually way that apparently a person displays while flirting.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:07 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:

I've no doubt that it's a mood-enhancing experience, which might work even if you don't consciously believe it (or notice it), if it works on a subliminal level. It's quite interesting because it usually takes a sledgehammer to get me to notice a gesture of interest in me.....and even when I've pondered the behaviour and seen the signs, I still can't believe it. But what's odd is that once I'd had some experience of relationships and their beginnings, I started to notice myself often feeling euphoric when I pondered what was exchanged between myself and potential partners, although as I say, I didn't believe I was in with much of a chance. As if some communication had happened under my conscious radar. So I suspect that if this sexual flattery thing is done well, in terms of body language and subtlety, there would probably be an unconscious lift.

Not that I'm supporting it. Just acknowledging that in skilled hands, in some cases, it could do good and be harmless, at least in the narrower context of the two people concerned. Kind of fooling the selfish gene into doling out a bit of energy which we then use for something other than the said gene's Glorious Plan.

Point taken.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:10 pm

biostructure wrote:

I agree it can provide a sort of euphoric boost--but the problem is, you need to get real interest often enough, that the following let-down of worrying you will never find someone isn't a bigger downer than the flirting is a lift.

It's almost like, seeing a picture of a delicious ice cream cone can make you think happy, optimistic thoughts (of birthdays, beautiful summer days, etc.), but if you're starving, it will likely only make you hungrier.

I agree. Nice analogy. Just watching a good trailer isn't enough we will want to watch the movie as well.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:14 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

I would imagine there's a significant amount of flirting when one wants to get laid.

I think there's some tossing of or touching of her mane. Laughing. Mirroring your body movements. Lots of smiling.

Or I'm just talking out of my @ss.

This is what the internet tells me. But if someone starts to mirror my body moments, lots of smiling. I would take it as they are trying to mock me/something is seriously wrong with this person. Probably because of Asperger syndrome?

Last edited by ThinkingMonkey on 05 Jun 2012, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:17 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:

If they seek privacy with you, or hint at it, it's usually serious I think.

Otherwise I think it's a matter of counting up the signs........I suspect that the non-serious flirt doesn't keep chipping away at anybody, it's a gesture or two at most. It doesn't develop.

Hints like 'lets get coffee together' or 'lets get out of here'. Am I right?

ToughDiamond wrote:

It doesn't help that the NT mating ritual is often full of deliberate obfuscation. Not many women would be pleased if they seriously fancied a guy and somebody spilled the beans to the object of their desires.

I do not understand this!

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:20 pm

TM wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Body language can only really be judged in clusters, not single things by themselves. A woman exposing her neck, eye contact beyond normal duration, arm movements, preening, etc viewed together can indicate flirting, but one movement alone is not enough to form a conclusion.

Agreed. For how long should this be observed for?

ThinkingMonkey
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05 Jun 2012, 3:22 pm

Silvervarg wrote:

I think it has something to do with that girls are not allowed to be "avaible", atleast I've red that somewhere, so she "secretly" (as in: completly obvious to everyone but us) that she wants you to take the first step.

What the hell is this? If they are interested why don't they simply tell!

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