People letting themselves go once in a relationship.

Post Reply New Topic

Much to reply to here, but Kurgan, on the subject of metabolic change, yes, being very fat does change your metabolism. Fat tissue is endocrinologically active. The ways in which this works are not well-understood, as the scientists say, and it's an area of active study. When you're 400 lbs, you can't just double the processes going on at 200 lbs and call it a day; the body is more complex than that. Like I said, it's a serious problem, and it's a rather new one, so there's much still to learn.

Ya right, my last wife, she was average build other then had a heavy bone structure, then as the years progressed she got so fat even the doctors couldnt weigh her, her folds of fat produces stink and i couldnt even find the right hole for sex and she often didnt even notice bits and pieces of toilet paper still stuck to her arss after she wiped. then she complained to her councilors I was not giving her any sex, and I was like I am not a simple on off switch for if she is no longer attractive to me I simply cant do it. and the worse of it was she kept getting angry at me like it was my fault she had gotten fat as a cow and as if I was the one to do something about it. she refused to lose the weight till we got a divorced, then she rapidly lost it so she could find someone new.

After that I refused to date anyone with a heavy bone structure or that even looked like they would be the type to get fat on me. nor would I date a fat person. she broke me of it. so no i wont make fun of fat people, but i will judge them for it as no longer fit enough for dating.

I kind of get the idea your ex-wife's side of the story would sound pretty different. She thought you should be responsible for making her lose weight?

Doctors can weigh people beyond 700 lbs - are you saying she was that heavy?

It's also a remarkably unsympathetic tone you've got - people who gain a lot of weight aren't generally happy about it, nor are they usually doing it on purpose.

YES she blamed me, even for her having to take her bi-poler meds, she blamed me for everything....

and the scales she tipped where the standered 400 pound ones, she was well over 500 pounds when we divorced.

and no I am not sympathetic, even after all this time I am still hating the woman for how mentally abusive she was to me. she was a mean biotch. hell she even tried to poison me once, and another time she forced her self to go into counsellings telling them it was because shadows was telling her to stab me to death. and I totally hated when we slept together her putting her huge leg over me, I felt pinned and couldnt move!

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 17 Aug 2014, 6:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The odds that you know, from looking at someone, why they're fat are close to nil. Yes, it's wrong to pass judgment. It's wrong even if you do know, since it simply isn't your affair. That body doesn't belong to you, and what its owner does with it is not your business.

I am thinking of a little girl in Texas who had metabolic problems after brain surgery for a hypothalamic tumor; she rapidly gained a great deal of weight. Strangers, of course, had no idea why she was so fat, but enough felt justified in judging both her and her parents, and showing it in various ways, that the little girl withdrew, refused to go to school anymore, and as she gained weight uncontrollably, lost the will to go outside or to live. It did not matter how often her mother explained to people that the hypothalamic disorder meant that it did not matter how little she ate or how much she exercised; she would keep gaining weight, even on a diet of 600 calories a day. They still felt entitled to judge out of blinding ignorance.

She was very lucky: her mother found a surgeon who's been doing experimental gastric-bypass surgeries in children, which appears to be the only thing that deals with the endocrinological feedback loops causing the massive obesity. She had the surgery -- with a gallery of morons still judging her obesity and her parents' decisions -- and has since lost over 50 lbs and is much healthier and happier than before. But it will be a long time before she recovers from the damage done by people who felt entitled to judge her body.

Judging other people's bodies is harmful and wrong. Don't do it. If you're so hot to pass judgment on someone's body, do it to your own.

So wait...you're judging someone for gaining weight while on psychoactive medication? AM, this is a standard side effect of the drugs.

How she treated you is nothing to do with how she treated her own body. If someone's being horrible to you, yes, leave. But their body is still not yours to judge or hate on.

Oh say that after being pinned repeatedly by a huge leg to where you cant move, so much for cuddling. and no i didn't really judge her for it, mostly it was her blaming me for it. what i do judge though is ill never date a fat woman, even one that looks like they could become fat, after that, NO WAY.

1. Actually fat women do get treated worse than fat men. Studies & everything. Want some?
2. Stop judging your guy friend. That's his body, not yours.
3. You seem awfully stung by this bit where I don't just shut up and deal when you say nasty things about women who don't please you sexually. The solution is simple: don't post misogynistic things.

The vast majority of women in the US are overweight. Are you saying that the vast majority of women are horribly insecure or overbearing? Because if that's how you feel, maybe the problem's not to do with their weight, but in how you deal with women.

Unattractive women get worse treatment than unattractive men, this is nothing new. To be fair, women aren't particularly nice to other women they deem as unattractive either. Notice how almost all popular girls in college are attractive.

On the other hand, socially awkward men gets worse treatment than socially awkward women.

Just the misogyny. Guys want to show up and treat women like people rather than objects, and refrain from blaming women for their own probs, then that's cool with me.

If you eat it just like that, yeah it is terrible. A traditional Dutch dish is mashed potatoes with kale in it. It's a fairly easy way for a parent to feed their children vegetables since most children like it (I'm not a health freak at all, I eat this because I liked it since I was little). It's also easy to make: throw some potatoes and cut up kale (it's sold precut here) in a pressure cooker and after 15mins or so mash together. It's usually eaten with a meat or sausage, and covered in gravy or vinegar (or both). Some people mash in bacon strips as well.
Another variety is mashed potatoes/carrots/onions (no kale). Throw in pressure cooker and mash.
Here's a pic (it's called boerenkool stamppot):

Objects don't have personality faults, people do

[did I break the straw man misogynist subroutine?]

Can't help you if you can't see how social networks are important to business.

As for what your dad did -- your answers here are telling me you have an extremely difficult time seeing beyond your own situation, but I'll say it again: you live in a social democracy. Everyday life is considerably easier for you than it is for most people in the States. You have a world of social supports people here don't have, and parents have what looks like Christmas every day compared to how things are here.

In order for you to have time to exercise daily with your children, here...you'd have to homeschool them and have your wife make enough money to support them all, prep for both your retirements and save for college for all those children. Essentially, she'd have to be an investment banker or cardiologist, and you wouldn't see very much of each other. I do have a friend whose family works that way; he works for Warren Buffett and makes more money than God. His wife homeschools the boys and they're always off hiking and doing sports.

Most people in the US don't get to live like this. It makes a very big difference when there's a serious commitment to the middle class. We don't have that.

If you had four children here...well, you'd already be frightened about how they were going to go to college without your winding up with $200K+ in debt, and how in the world you'd ever retire. To pay for a house near a decent public school, both you and your wife would be working -- you'd likely have a 60-hour-a-week job, and your wife would work part-time. (You might also be commuting 1-2.5 hours each way to get to a decent job if you had to live far from work in order to find a decent public school, since private elementary schools cost $20-50K/yr.) You'd get home around 6:30 pm from work if you didn't have to stay late and work on something. Your children would have activities either right after school or after dinner, and they'd have a good deal of homework. You might be able to grab a couple of them and go for a run or toss a ball around, but it wouldn't last long, because they'd still have homework and likely chores to do before shower and bed.

There are reasons why people live in such seemingly stupid ways here. It generally boils down to making the best of a bad lot. Were you to come here and try it, you'd find yourself making those same unpleasant choices.

As for me, I had to have a yearlong fight with the school district and win the superintendent to my side in order to have my daughter moved to a school to which she could walk or ride her bike rather than spend most of an hour daily sitting on a bus. Most people don't know how to carry out a campaign like that.

Honestly people, when I was a young man i didn't really care about a little pudgy on a woman, and I understand when they gain weight because of being preggo and then having a hard time losing it after word. and as long as there was no real folds of fat dripping over the rest of her flesh.. mostly I was interested in "if she could keep up with me" (I loved going hiking and doing things and going places).. What made me lose interest the most, is the depression and complaining when the only one that can fix it is her, I can try being supportive, even try and push her out the door now and then for a good walk or the like, but i cant make someone like them selves or be happy or take care of their own bodies.. Its mostly the afterburn from dealing with such a person that makes me vary hesitant of even considering looking at another woman that could potentially be like that again. other peoples baggage issues should not be made into my own as well, nor should be expected too. even though if we care about our partners being supportive and fostering in good ways may be expected.

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 17 Aug 2014, 7:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Fraid not. Ascribing personality faults to others in order to account for your own unhappiness: not too cool. Blaming women's personalities for your own unhappiness? GOTO 10