If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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25 Apr 2015, 12:34 am

Well, it worked for him but in my experience it's rare for girls to ask guys out after middle school.

Or maybe they just flirt with me instead literally asking me. I'm not always able to recognize that.

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sly279
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25 Apr 2015, 12:41 am

androbot01 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

Dating is not shopping. You don't decide you want a girlfriend and go out and get one. It's in the hands of the gods, so to speak.

...stressful is having to deal with anxiety, to ask a girl out and after you spent so much time making it just right and emotionally putting yourself out there she rejects you for no reason ...

For no reason? The only reason she needs is that she's not attracted to you. This is an example of the "shopping" attitude. There is no currency of love.

Quote:

...nope eating out is a group or couple thing.

It really is.

ugh. not how I meant it. just I don't treat other humans as objects or trash.

no one has to be nice to others either. or not kill other people or not steal for people. or treat others as a living being. most people do this cause its nice and right thing to do not cause they have to. so why is this behavior some how acceptable when it comes to females and dating?

sly279
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25 Apr 2015, 12:44 am

cathylynn wrote:

my husband, 64 years old, never has asked women out. his relationships, including ours, were initiated by women. when i found this out, i pointed out to him that he'd have a better chance of being with someone he preferred if he did some asking. he remained happy with his tactics.

confused why are you giving your husband dating advice to find other women?

androbot01
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25 Apr 2015, 1:29 am

sly279 wrote:

rejection is anything but not personal. its someone telling you you are a bad person to them. they judge you you not your car or work but you as a person and say nope. thats about as personal as one can get in life. not quite the same as a job not choosing you cause you lack experience but are a good person

I think you are making a false assumption here. I can think of many men I know who I think are good people, but I wouldn't date them.

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25 Apr 2015, 1:31 am

androbot01 wrote:

Quote:

...nope eating out is a group or couple thing.

It really is.

I'd rather eat alone and go to the movies alone than stay at home all the time. In my old group I've ended up almost always paying and I've became a permanent designated driver. I left that group. It's better to eat alone than to pay for someone to sit at the table with me. I don't care if people stare.

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25 Apr 2015, 1:39 am

Are you serious ? The main reason earlier in my life that I didn't accept women was simply because I just didn't have enough time to give them attention since I was practically working 24/7 in order to establish a financial-stability in order to never again go through what I went through back in the day. Had nothing to do with my judgement of the person.

sly279 wrote:

Before I was left stranded by my own parents, and didn't have to worry about how I was going to get fed, was because it was a somewhat arrogant (perhaps arrogant not the right word to use) or perhaps naïve attitude on my part that I wanted to reserve myself for a girl who really Really REALLY wanted me & so felt they should pursue me more than anybody else would ever pursue but all that ever happened was that they eventually gave up on trying to get me for their boyfriend.

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25 Apr 2015, 1:43 am

I'd rather stay at home (when at least during the times that I actually have one) instead of watching movies.

314pe wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

Quote:

...nope eating out is a group or couple thing.

It really is.

Throughout my life I've usually only associated with one buddy most of the time at a time but there were occasional times where I would visit these gatherings where there were such things as groups. Eventually we all gravitate towards where we need to be for our "(spiritual-)learning" opportunities.

mpe
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25 Apr 2015, 2:06 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

But sometimes what happens is the girl acts like I'm a total creep. Maybe I come across that way because I'm not playing but the unwritten NT rules. I try to find out what the rules are but all I get is PUAs peddling their nonsense. They only want to sell books, not to inform.

There's also the issue that any actually useful advice from these kind of people is likely to be encased in sexist bovine excrement.

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Some of the nicer girls try to let me down gently but always in an indirect way. They say they're busy or something. This can be confusing because I think maybe they won't be busy next week when really they just don't want to go out with me. They think this is the kindest way they can let me down. Really, the kindest way they could let me down would be to say no but without saying I'm a creep afterwards.

Sounds like a classic NT vs ND communications issue. Where an NT will see "beating around the bush" or telling a "white lie" as being the correct and polite way to do things, being direct is rude. Whereas a ND will find the former confusing or rude, but the latter far more acceptable, even 'polite'.
There also appear to be a**holes who react badly to being told directly. At least that's a common justification for not doing so. Both in 'meatspace' and online.

Quote:

Probably the reason why girls think I'm a creep is because I don't play the rules of NT-land (AKA Earth). When I'm talking to a girl I try to pick up on her signs on interest and I see false positives and miss real positives, etc. Maybe the girl thinks I'm a creep because I ask her out after she's already sent a dozen nonverbal signs of disinterest that I wasn't able to perceive.

Possibly also you miss out on women trying to say, nonverbally, that they are interested in you. I suspect that it's this reliance on nonverbal which makes this especially hard for ND people (both men and women). Parts of 'the rules' even appear to make verbal communications taboo.

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25 Apr 2015, 3:51 am

androbot01 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

I think you are making a false assumption here. I can think of many men I know who I think are good people, but I wouldn't date them.

if you think they good men why wouldn't you tell them why you won't date them?
also theres two kinds of good men. moral good and dating/relationship good.

don't think we'll see eye to eye on this. I treat people like humans who have feelings and a heart. when a guy does it women say hes just only caring about her looks and body. like if a girl asked a guy out and he looked at her then just walked away. cause she don't have a hot enough body.

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25 Apr 2015, 4:56 am

mpe wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Maybe the girl thinks I'm a creep because I ask her out after she's already sent a dozen nonverbal signs of disinterest that I wasn't able to perceive.

Possibly also you miss out on women trying to say, nonverbally, that they are interested in you.

Of this much I am certain.

I can't know every time it happened but it's statistically likely to have happened over the the last few years. Furthermore, there times, especially when I was younger, when I only figured it out after the fact. Sometimes years after.

There were girls who tried to signify their interest in me in school. I didn't figure it out until years later. There was one girl who pursued me for years before giving up. To me, she was just a friend.

Things were simpler back at that age. Simple enough for me to figure out. I can figure it out now but when I was that age I couldn't figure it out. Just like nowadays I can't figure out women my own age. That's why it takes me years to figure it out.

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25 Apr 2015, 6:31 am

sly279 wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

I think you are making a false assumption here. I can think of many men I know who I think are good people, but I wouldn't date them.

if you think they good men why wouldn't you tell them why you won't date them?

Why should I? You don't get a free psychological examination every time someone rejects you.

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25 Apr 2015, 9:03 am

I know that I didn't bothered to date, not because it was a problem with the ladies themselve, but because I wasn't ready to go about dating anybody, the timing was simply bad during those times during those parts of my earth-life.

androbot01 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

I think you are making a false assumption here. I can think of many men I know who I think are good people, but I wouldn't date them.

if you think they good men why wouldn't you tell them why you won't date them?

Why should I? You don't get a free psychological examination every time someone rejects you.

CoffinCrawler
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25 Apr 2015, 9:42 am

I am a female and I have approached a few men and gotten rejected when I made advances. I'm not sure what it was that caused the rejection... maybe they thought I was ugly, they weren't interested in seeing anyone, they thought I had no "game" or maybe they found me intimidating for making the moves. I don't know. In any case, getting rejected does suck, but I've never gotten bitter towards men about it.

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25 Apr 2015, 12:32 pm

CoffinCrawler wrote:

well that's because women have full-societal approval to be passive

RetroGamer87
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25 Apr 2015, 4:36 pm

CoffinCrawler wrote:

Maybe you just didn't approach the right guy.