Hale_Bopp's "tear apart my okcupid profile" thread

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I'll chime in.

Self-Summary is good.

What I'm doing with my life: Saying just chilling might turn some people off. Looks like you might not have life goals. You mention you want to get a job, put that on there that you are looking for a job, will make it look like you are focused.

I don't know if I'd post that you have Aspergers. That is probably the biggest problem with your profile. Mention in your self-summary something subtly referring to it but that will turn off quite a few people. Once you get dates then you can tell them about it. Just my opinion.

Message me if could use a little work like if you want to get to know more about me

Complete sentences would help too, but that's a minor thing.

Maybe add a body picture, show off how skinny you are (from what you said on your description).

Yours is pretty good.

Maybe the self-summary isn't serious enough?

The Movie list is a little long.

Everything else is good, I can tell you put a lot of effort into it.

Agree with the other comments. I wouldn't mention the Asperger's in your profile. Good to say "nerdy/geeky/awkward/shy" but I wouldn't be more specific than that.

One other specific comment: I might suggest taking what you put under "I spend a lot of time thinking about" and making that statement your "what I'm doing with my life."

I liked it. You sound appealing and fun. Love the dimples, too.

(And no, I'm not hitting on you - I'm way too old for you!! !)

Movie list reflects my varied tastes in film. It's a long list because a short one just doesn't show enough about what I enjoy. I just gave the bare minimum honestly, I have a lot of films I enjoy.

I thought I would come off that way thank you for confirming it for me. Thing is when I act like myself I'm goofy and fun for everyone around me. Aspie or not I make for a good time atleast that's what everyone says about me if I don't ask. Not being arrogant by the way, I just learned how to have fun with everyone I'm around guys.

<3 the South African English accent. It's my favourite. Just sayin'.

Now the biggest area that could use improvement is the what do you do on a typical Friday night answer... sitting on your ass at a computer or watching Big Bang Theory screams, "boring nerd." Sort of. I mean, hell, I spend a lot of Friday nights online and so do a lot of people.. but when you put it on a dating profile it makes you sound like a boring nerd and doesn't sell you very well as someone interesting & lively that some girl is going to want to get to know. Be a little more creative with your Friday night answer and I bet you get more messages vs. this one being a potential turnoff for some.

^^^^^

why should he be something his not , seriously his going to get caught out if he fakes it and what is wrong with being boring, people need to learn to amuse themselves and stop being so selfish and try to get their amusement from other people, if women where honest they would put on their profile they want an unpaid comedian to preform for their own benefit.

as you can tell from my rants I can never be that guy

I agree that no one should represent themselves as anything they're not, or withhold essential personality traits. If a girl's not going to be happy dating a nerdy guy, then why even go through the messaging/meeting process? Personally, I look specifically for the ones who sound kind of nerdy.

^ & ^^ IMO, based on the way socializing works which you clearly have difficulty processing due to ASD, you're both incorrect. Not wrong, just incorrect lol.

I agree that people should be real, who they are, and not try to fake who they are. And that's a common ASD trait, to believe that, by the way.

However, dating profiles are internet marketing tools. The purpose of them is to get messages to initiate conversations and then get dates. Sometimes the full transparent blunt truth is too much and can work against you. Sometimes omitting things or making them sound a little better than they are is necessary in playing the social games people play.

Earlier I said "sell the sizzle, not the steak," and to think about a restaurant menu.

If the blunt fact of the matter may be this:

Steak $20.00
Hunk of dead cow. Heat added. Exceeds protein requirements of humans per meal. Other food included.

But the menu probably says something like:

Steak Dinner $20
100% Organic grain fed rib eye beef steak cooked to perfection by Chef Tony on our hickory wood fired grille & paired with a baked potato, seasonal veggies, and a side caesar salad. 8 ounces. Add prawns for $6.

which one is more appealing?

Neither is a lie, but one just isn't very appealing.

I'm saying omit the somewhat unappealing truths about yourselves and focus on the funner factors, the "sizzle," even if it's only once in a blue moon that you actually do those things on a Friday night. I know it says typical Friday night, but this is one of those situations that calls for a "little white lie," that's entirely harmless and can only serve to benefit you.

The objective is to get messages and dates, then those people can determine if you're a match or not.. but if you undersell yourself with the blunt geeky truth you won't have nearly the likelihood of getting messaged, getting a date, and then being able to make a first impression in person as if you sizzle things up just a little bit.

I don't disagree with you at all, goldfish. But these days (at least in my age group), being nerdy/geeky is not the turnoff it was when I was in high school. Last time I was on a dating site, I put in my profile that I was goofy, geeky, and even a little klutzy. Still got plenty of responses ... including the ONE guy who I initiated contact with, who turned into the love of my life. Why did he respond? Because he was a closet geek, and he admired me coming right out and saying so in my profile.

I do understand, though, that geeky girls are probably much less common than geeky guys, so it might not be a bad idea for the guy geeks to downplay it a little.

Last edited by Eureka13 on 06 Jan 2014, 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

your a women believe it or not for many guys that's enough

Hooboy, do I know that's true! LOL

If anyone feels compelled to state that they're a bit of a geek, then do it exactly like that! Perfect. Stating that you're a bit goofy/geeky/klutzy and leaving it at that is just fine. But making statements that amount to "On Friday nights I sit on my ass online and/or watch TV." is not an attractive way to say you're geeky. It's a turnoff. But SAYING "Hey, I'm going to be honest here.. I'm a bit of a quiet geek sometimes. Hope that's ok with you!" is infinitely lower key and better presented than describing some boring geeky activity.

Thanks guys for the tips..

I had heaps of time to spare today, so I made a few improvements.

Here's the link, in case you've forgotten.
www.okcupid.com/profile/Paul_92ZA

Let me know if you think it's better.
As you know, yesterday's one was just a rush job.

Better, but I'd still consider rephrasing this one:

"Sitting at home, at the computer, listening to music, and talking to friends."

To something more like:

"Staying in, logged on, music up, connecting with friends."

Or something to that effect.

I just think the opening bit of the statement "sitting at home," sounds a bit dull whereas "staying in," sounds more.. mature vs. the typical friday night bar scene type. Some people are specifically looking for a "home body," type because they're that way and hate the bar/party scene for the waste of time health killer they perceive it to be. But it still doesn't hurt to market yourself a bit better in subtle ways like this. IMO.