where have all the 18-30 ladies gone?

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Wow, that's quite interesting.

TBH the best way to meet young adults is through work.

If you don't or cant work, this makes things a hell of a lot harder.

I have always heard that isn't recommended, and depending on the company, may not even be allowed.

I think you've got me mixed up with Tim now... It's not that I need someone with a specific belief set (i don't care what she believes, but if she forces me to convert to her way, the deal is off), but the only way I can become comfortable enough with a woman to consider a relationship is to be around her enough in a setting that has enough people I know fairly well. For that, I need a place with people that will accept me instantly and without prejudice, and the only place I can think of that would do that is a church.

Tim_Tex, it depends on how you meet said person. If you work directly with them i.e. if you work on the same team and see them all the time, 9-5 for 5 days a week, it might not be the best idea (speaking from experience, although I have known this to work for others....). However, if you work in the same company and you see said person during your lunch breaks but don't actually work on the same team then I guess that could work as you are not breathing down each others' necks all the time. However, if the company doesn't actually allow it, then this route would be a bit of a dead loss. Another way is to make friends with someone at work and you may get introduced to his/her friends outside of the workplace and meet someone that way (this is how I met my current boyfriend, we have now been together for over 3 years).

Through work, not from work. Surely people at your work have get togethers and do stuff outside of work with other people?

Also dating sites are another big one. I know they're not natural easy or always very good. But they are a direct path to single people in your area of any age you choose.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 19 Nov 2009, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I figured that, too, about it varying by company and circumstances.

However, I still prefer not to date a co-worker.

Oh, ok. That's different, then.

Certainly doable.

Also if you change jobs a lot you meet more people. I mean this isn't Ideal, I hate changing jobs, but if your priority is to meet people of your age, its the way to do it. Then you can date people from your old work too.

ugh... all this talk about work... and I can't even work until I finish my bachelors (which won't happen until january 2011 at the earliest). And even then, I'm going into the IT industry, which is one of the most heavily male-centered industries in the world. I'm not trying to say that men are the only IT people, but judging from the 25:1 male to female ratio in the IT department in my school (which is the worst in the school, the average across the university being 4:1), I'm not likely to meet anyone at work, and since I'm not one to go out drinking on a Friday night, I probably won't be introduced to anyone either... (not to mention that the fact that I don't drink is going to make me look like a major freak to my co-workers, and they won't want to introduce me to anyone anyway...)

Most of the posts I've read here are speculation, but Janissy and Laney have each hit different facets of the nail on the head. Those two posts together explain very well, in my opinion, what is going on with young women at that age.

Women are not comfortable attending social settings by themselves. When they do so, they will do it in a way so as not to be noticed. And, for women, church s a social setting as well as a faith one.

When I was a young adult my church had a young adult ministry that held various social functions and attended mass together on a fairly regular basis. I have fond memories of that group, and there definitely were more women than men. But I've noticed over the years that the church has been inconsistent in supporting such ministry, and the groups come and go frequently; there isn't much long term stability in it. But that doesn't mean one person couldn't charge it up again.

In a way, I met my husband through that group. He wasn't in MY group, but after I had lost interest and my younger sister started attending, he was just getting involved as well. They became friends, and I met him through her.

But, you can't really count on any one avenue for meeting that one special person. What you have to do is be out there, in the world, pursuing your life and living open to the possibility of meeting someone. People create all sorts of subconscious barriers that they, themselves, often aren't really aware of because, despite what they think consciously, they aren't really ready for a relationship. You can't wait for a relationship to make your life matter; you make your life matter first and then maybe the relationship piece will fall in.

You can work. Why cant you get a part time job one day a week? Also who cares if its male dominated. You'll still make friends there and thats better than nothing.

If meeting women is this important to you then you can even get a part time job for i dunno, 5 hours a week when you have a proper job, on a saturday in a book shop or restaurant etc. Restaurants are full of women employees.

I'd like to think they're at the bar, or other recreation but they're not there either. Is there some reason why they don't want to be seen in public? Do they isolate themselves once the task of finding a partner is complete? Maybe they all moved away to find jobs.

People have thrown advice at you from left and right field, at least a couple dozen different balls. What do you want from us? We've given you all the advice we can think of at least half a dozen times now.

If you're not willing to make the effort and join a new social group, or post a dating profile, then the best most golden advice we can offer will be completely useless.

We only go out in packs

OK, only half joking. It takes a super lot of confidence for a woman to dine by herself, or go to a movie by herself ... when I was a single professional in my thirties it was considered a major milestone to be able to do either without feeling like you were violating the social code and wanting to disappear behind a tapestry.

You have to JOIN something to meet women. Ski club, bible study ... something that you are interested in, so you can meet someone interested in at least one of the same things.

Although, I admit, I got more dates from taking the train or ferry to work than anything else. Same people every day. You start to meet them. Not just the singles ... the older ones, the married ones, the women and the men ... and you get to take it really slowly, because you'll see them again same time same place tomorrow ... with that broad reach, eventually you meet one interested in a date. But you have to super gracious when it doesn't work out because, well, you STILL see them every day

nevermind. It's not your responsibility anyway... but if you do want to know, I just feel incredibly lonely right now...


I would normally love to join a new group. Except there's two issues: 1) I don't even know of any groups in the area that I would be of any use in. I've heard of plenty of community choirs that would be a possibility, but most of them suffer from the same problem as churches: lack of young people. 2) I don't want to join a group if there's any possibility of me being ostracized from them shortly after showing my face. That's happened way too many times in my life, and only my church has been steadfast in accepting me for who I am... but they can't fulfill my needs as a young adult anymore...