Page 2 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

24 Nov 2009, 6:19 am

Space wrote:
This is directed at adult AS males. Most people say you need confidence first, yes, but that comes from hard work. You will need:
-a job that you are proud of
-a house or apartment of your own
-disposable income
-look presentable.


And an allen key to put it all together! :P

-It's hard enough to get any job at all, let alone one we are proud of;
-because of that many of us can't afford a house of our own;
-few people have a truly 'disposable' income, but that's different from having a little money to go out for a meal;
-looking presentable doesn't require designer clothes.



Daniella
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 317
Location: Netherlands

24 Nov 2009, 9:08 am

The job, the house, and that other stuff you listed was bull. That's so shallow. The only thing you are right about, is that you have to look presentable. And yes, that doesn't require a lot of money or designer clothes. But it does require you to go out and observe what other people dress like, behave like, and it also requires you to actually go to a store and buy something, which is a big step for lots of us here. No, ordering stuff over the internet is NOT just as good. Order your computer parts online, not your shirt or jeans. Ask the shop helper to help you if you're stuck, they'll probably enjoy it too.

At least LOOK and BEHAVE presentable so people will take the time to get to know you. Otherwise, people just won't give you a chance. This goes out to everyone. I have been struggling with getting self-confidence for ages, "being proud of who I am!" and that kind of crap. Then one day I decided to simply mimic the way in which other people dress and behave, and people actually made the step of starting a conversation with me, since I looked like "one of them".

Honestly, this was so much easier than trying to become so self-assured that you feel confident no matter what you're wearing or anything. Don't forget that most NT's only feel confident-ish because they are dressing and behaving in a way which is the common standard, which makes it so that they are accepted by others... the only difference is that they're not so very aware of this. Partially adapting to what is "common" and then finding my own ways inside those boundaries has seemed to be a very effective way for me to get to know people without losing who I am.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,689
Location: Houston, Texas

24 Nov 2009, 12:41 pm

I have had 3 of those at the same time, and could have all 4 of those things in less than a month.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


Hector
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493

25 Nov 2009, 3:57 am

I'm not quite sure what constitutes "looking presentable" anyway.



BornToDie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

28 Nov 2009, 9:02 am

i always go for the most sought after woman out there who has a good heart and who loves honest and genuine men. it's worked so far. landing the women was much easier than keeping them but now i understand myself much better i think that will improve also.

5'3", 115lbs, 34D-23-34, MS/Engineering Physics. she's a head turner and, most importantly, she's interested in me.



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

28 Nov 2009, 9:15 am

How did you get her interested in you? I seem to be very good at making them like to be around me as friends, but none are interested in anything more...

And it's not like I need a 34d-23-34 either... The only requisites are that 1) she is, in fact, a she, and 2) she genuinely likes me...



BornToDie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

28 Nov 2009, 9:21 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
How did you get her interested in you? I seem to be very good at making them like to be around me as friends, but none are interested in anything more...

And it's not like I need a 34d-23-34 either... The only requisites are that 1) she is, in fact, a she, and 2) she genuinely likes me...


i've learned to just be me and let her be her. i think what has worked in my current situation is we're both very intellectual, well educated, in similar occupations, and both aspie. we have a lot in common and understand each other. there's no secret to getting them interested. they either like you for who you are or don't. how you come across has much to do with it. i'm not pushy, desperate, insecure, etc.



kbergren21
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 144

29 Nov 2009, 9:35 pm

Haha you forgot one thing! Location, Location, Location!

I've been assigned to po-dunk towns to do dangerous and sexy work where I'd even break through the sound barrier barrier every now and then. But the local females really didn't care plus there was like a 2-1 guy - girl ratio in that town. I actually met my wife in the metropolis 150 miles away woohoo.



techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,682
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

29 Nov 2009, 9:51 pm

Vexcalibur wrote:
In theory they help. But they are neither necessary nor sufficient.

Seconded. It does mean that if it still isn't enough that you can much more readily begin writing off what people think of you.



Oregon
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2009
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 361
Location: Salem, OR

29 Nov 2009, 10:53 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
How did you get her interested in you? I seem to be very good at making them like to be around me as friends, but none are interested in anything more...

And it's not like I need a 34d-23-34 either... The only requisites are that 1) she is, in fact, a she, and 2) she genuinely likes me...


You need to have them become comfortable with you being in their "space". Human contact, even a little goes a long way. Become a gentleman, help her on with her coat. Offer your hand to help her get out of a sunken beanbag chair. Carry heavy things for her.. even if they are not very heavy.

If you want to get into her space, you need to sneak in there :wink:


_________________
The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.
~Albert Einstein


ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

30 Nov 2009, 1:35 am

Oregon wrote:
You need to have them become comfortable with you being in their "space". Human contact, even a little goes a long way. Become a gentleman, help her on with her coat. Offer your hand to help her get out of a sunken beanbag chair. Carry heavy things for her.. even if they are not very heavy.

If you want to get into her space, you need to sneak in there :wink:


I do all those things already, but not for the purpose of "getting in there", but because I try my hardest to be a gentleman... I would offer help to move heavy things or holding doors for anyone, regardless of gender (although the coat thing is a little more intimate than the other things you mentioned, and it would be hard to rationalize that one away, so I don't do that)... And I don't do anything with the the idea that doing such things will "get me something", I do it becaus it's the right thing to do...

I think that's part of why I make friends easily... but translating that into interest is next to impossible...



makuranososhi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,805
Location: Banned by Alex

30 Nov 2009, 2:24 am

Again, TOS - you provide a perfect example of trying to appease and satisfy others, even at the cost of your own happiness or interests, instead of further developing you as a person and your sense of self. The former is a form of dependency; the latter, demonstrating a sense of self-worth. People begin to see you in terms of what you can do for them instead of what you have to offer them as an individual. I hope you will consider the difference, as this seems to be a recurring theme in your posts as of late.


M.


_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.

For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!


JRRTolkien
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

30 Nov 2009, 8:48 am

The best system is of course the arranged marriage.
The islam and hinduism still have this.



Vyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,070
Location: The fires of the mind

30 Nov 2009, 9:18 am

JRRTolkien wrote:
The best system is of course the arranged marriage.
The islam and hinduism still have this.


I hope to Gaia you're joking about that. Arranged marriages are the worst form of parental control and utterly intolerant of individualism and freedom of choice. The arrogance of a parent choosing their child's life partner is galling in the extreme.


_________________
I am Jon Stewart with some Colbert cynicism, Thomas Edison's curiousity, wrapped around a hardcore gamer sprinkled very liberally with Deadpool, and finished off with an almost Poison Ivy-esque love/hate relationship with humanity flourish.


JRRTolkien
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

30 Nov 2009, 9:27 am

Vyn wrote:
JRRTolkien wrote:
The best system is of course the arranged marriage.
The islam and hinduism still have this.


I hope to Gaia you're joking about that. Arranged marriages are the worst form of parental control and utterly intolerant of individualism and freedom of choice. The arrogance of a parent choosing their child's life partner is galling in the extreme.


This is a little insulting for hindus and muslims. You will have to get used to this in the US.
Most of them have arranged marriages.



Vyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,070
Location: The fires of the mind

30 Nov 2009, 10:19 am

Yes I'm well aware of this. And I fully intended for it to be as it was stated. I consider the practice barbaric and though I will never attempt to force anyone's culture to change that does not mean I will not voice an opinion on something I see as a fundamental freedom being stolen under the guise of "Knowing better than my child because he/she is young and naive and I care not for their feelings for anyone else."


_________________
I am Jon Stewart with some Colbert cynicism, Thomas Edison's curiousity, wrapped around a hardcore gamer sprinkled very liberally with Deadpool, and finished off with an almost Poison Ivy-esque love/hate relationship with humanity flourish.