Um... what is this?
HopeGrows
Veteran
Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
CMaximus wrote:
Really, this input has all been great. Coffee and all that's fine, but are there any major disaster-zones associated with simply asking 'I'm confused and am curious what your intentions for me are.'? This seems like the most succinct way all-around. However, I acknowledge this assumption sounds too good to be true or not have been tried before. On the other hand, if she's the type of woman who would answer me this way, then I suppose that's pretty good either way, and if she isn't... it's sort of like a test, you know?
I completely understand why it seems like asking the "what are your intentions" question would be the best approach. It's straightforward, hard to misinterpret, and should evoke a direct answer. But here's an explanation of why I wouldn't ask that question. Typically women don't pursue men - in a direct way. That's why these ladies you've encountered - at least one of whom seems to have been doing some serious flirting - don't just ask you out. I know it would make life easier if we did - and some women actually do - but the overwhelming majority of women just won't ask a man out. And to have a man - to whom you've been sending some serious signals - suddenly ask you to clarify your intentions....the result is that the woman will likely be embarrassed. She'll figure that if you've noticed the flirting - and you're interested - you'll ask her out. If you instead ask what her intentions are, she is probably going to react defensively - because from her perspective, she's made her intentions quite clear. That embarrassment may just lead her to deny that she had any intentions toward you, leaving her hurt and humiliated and you bewildered and doubting your own judgment.
Sorry, kiddo - I advise you to "play the game" and ask her to join you for a cup of coffee (or whatever). If she says yes, that's a good sign. If coffee goes well, ask her to dinner. Good luck.
