Are you comfortable with the emotional side of relationships

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To me the emotional connection is when one of us does or says something, the other person reacts. It's as simple as that, and doesn't have to be a major outburst of sentiments; just a hug, or a reply, but it makes you feel like you're someone and that what you do matters. With my ex, I remember times when I choked on food in front of him or faied an exam and he would just sit there and say nothing, or change the subject. It really makes you feel like you don't exist as a person, just a generic cut-out girlfriend that ticks the box.

You choked in front of him, and he wasn't worried by it?

What comes to mind, with this question, is negative emotion. I grew up having to watch my parents have hideous fights. I became extremely uneasy about being in a close relationship, because I feared having the same. I was in one abusive relationship, and it nearly scared me off from trying again, for good!

Nope, or at least he never said or did anything. He just sat there as always until I'd got my breath back and attempted another conversation to fill the silence. Perhaps it was just because he didn't know what he was suppoed to do, that's what I thought at the time, and it may be true, but I realise now I can't just spend my life making excuses for someone else's lack of empathy or concern; maybe some people can, but not me.

The last straw was 2 Christmasses ago; something very serious happened and he completely abandoned me to sort everything out on my own; didn't offer any support at all. Looking back, I'm glad things weren't as serious as they could have been and I really feel I dodged a bullet when we broke up a month later.

The first time I tripped on my stairs at home (I'm clumsy), I was really surprised when my current boyfriend came dashing down after me in a panic from another room; I wasn't expecting any reaction, so it felt really nice that someone was concerned about my well-being. He was a bit nonplussed when I commented; to him, anyone would do the same...

Thanks for that example, Lene! I see what you mean about the emotional thing. I had an ex who would jeer, or grow impatient, if I made a mistake, or felt embarrassed about something. My current boyfriend, is deeply compassionate and sensitive. I didn't realize just how bad what I had been putting up with before was, until I met him.

That's better. From the information available, I'd say the current one is better.

me too

yep. as long as it's not too intense and i'm given some space every now and then.

I think so long as I can envision where the emotions are coming from and have it make sense to me, I can deal with emotionality. What I can't deal with are "test" questions that come out of nowhere and insecurity.

Someone I was involved with would ask "Do you love me?" at very strange times, like in the middle of a meal or drive. It would drive me nuts because I couldn't understand where it was coming from. I would ask why she was asking and she'd turn it into an argument because I didn't answer her right away. Then I'd simply shut down.

So as long as communication is open and casual and I know where the other person's coming from, I can deal.

I think the emotional will be a bit tricky, but it will be much easier for me then the physical stuff. I can be physically affectionate with people that I'm really close to, but I struggle with the "more" part of it, I don't know how I'll do it.

I've never understood why some people have problems with the emotional side of relationships, commitment, etc.

No.
I like functional relationships.
This is why I do not like the relationship with my sister, she is always mean to me and sometimes she does things and I am supposed to do things back but there was no such agreement before she did this so I had no choice and even if I want to, she keeps prompting me and my will decreases onto the point of not wanting to anymore and then she gets angry at me when I try to explain why but she does not accept and one time I said she had no purpose in my life and this made her sad but I could not understand because she did not and I tried to make it better by saying she serves no practical purpose in my life but she does serve an emotional purpose in my life but I do not like her.

Also a reason why I do not like relationships where emotional things are required of me.
I am happy alone with the internet and music and my books and my food and perhaps a job either as an IT worker or in aerospace technology.

I said no (female), but I went back and forth on it. A more correct answer would be, "No, but I'm getting a lot better at it." I was extremely fortunate to meet and marry a NT with many autistic qualities, but it's kind of scary to think of how the opportunity would have been missed it it weren't for the internet. We met in person, but I wasn't very nice to him (he called me "Ice Queen" and other choice names) and it was only later that we got to know each other via email.

He is very patient and understanding and my emotional side has blossomed in ways I never even dreamed possible.

Eew, even typing that makes my inner 14-year-old boy make retching noises!

But it's true. I am unbelievably lucky. I have no idea how things would have ended up for me if it weren't for him, but it wouldn't have been pretty. I was headed in a bad way. That's one of the reasons I'm so glad I finally figured out I have Asperger's--now I can see the specific ways I can improve that side of myself so I can be a better mate. I don't believe in unconditional love, and I can't expect someone to stay with me when I kick them in the shins every time I get pissed off.

Expecting to never have to give or receive emotional support is crazy.

but i thought sex was all about choosing a side- front or back?

I'm fairly comfortable with the emotional side of relationships.
To me that is the attraction. To be able to share what is on my mind with a special someone, to allow myself to show all my different sides, to be near to someone, feel the warmth of the skin, the beating of his heart.
And I find it to be such a gift when another human being dares to open up to me, dares to be honest and show me all of their being.

I admit: sometimes I wish, I could just be satisfied to live all by myself for the rest of my life.
That way I couldn't have to depend on anyone, I would be free to travel anywhere at any time, I could move, flee to the other side of the Earth if that was what I desired, but honestly? Sometimes it's just nice to have someone depend on you, someone who pushes you to be the best you can be (allowing one to fail at the same time as well of course), someone who's there when the rest of the world seems to turn its back on me. (-:

I will never allow myself to give up on the possibility of a romantic relationship.