What do you think are some major causes of Aspie rejection?

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Fascinating perspective. I'd like to read you elaborate on that.

I agree with all the 3 things, especially unrealistic expectations. I always fall for the good looks and over time, the connection start to fade and I still end up below the ladder. I should start fallowing that old quote "beauty isn't everything" so that I can be extra careful sometimes. Although upset, I can move on. As someone here on WP told me "Their are 4 billion girls on this planet, just move on".

I don't know, I've never been rejected. I'm a very likable person, I've never made an enemy because I'm very easy to get along with and I go out of my way to not push myself on people. But then again, I've never really tried to get a girlfriend because I don't want to be rejected. And for some reason, my fear of rejection does not come from low self esteem, I have good self confidence in my looks and personality. I just always get paralyzed when I think I have to ask a girl out, so I'm just going to go at a slow pace. 2 years ago I never even spoke to girls, and now I have shaped myself up and have several friends that are pretty girls, I'm just a late bloomer I guess. Soon I will be getting a girlfriend

Original poster. Sorry you have to get the people repond that you get.

Anyhow, I think one Aspies get rejected because of lack of empathy the most. Sometimes the other person maybe takes that as not careing or wanting too many things to be their way.

1. Very poor social skills
2. Not being open to changing anything about yourself whatsoever
3. Expecting someone to fall in your lap
4. Wanting a relationship right away and getting frustrated when it doesn't happen immediately
5. Unrealistic standards/expectations
6. Standards that are too low (very unattractive to the majority of people)

In my past, social skills is what has gotten in the way of relationships. I do like guys that are unrealistic for me, but I don't chase after them.

this list is pretty amazing Astaut (i also agree with the OP).

in particular, the resistance to change and unreasonable standards are ones i have noticed, on the WP boards at least.

about the unrealistic standards... i've never really had a great deal of difficulty with attracting NT guys, but after reading many of the posts on WP, i don't think i could ever have succcess with attracting an Aspie guy. judging from their posts, i'd be too fat/ugly/whatever. i find this kinda ironic.

I've read a few of your responses and I've noticed an interesting thought.

Most of you believe all women are superficial

Possibly because the ones that stick out in your mind were superficial. It's also not too difficult to pay for an amazing makeover.
I once went to a hairdresser who was very creative. For me hair is useless. However she was all up with different things and I ended up with a multicolor haircut.. orange, blond, copper. I definitely got whistled at walking down the street. It was rather uncomfortable.
Just seems to me that a small effort in personal appearance goes a long way.
And you may not understand the difference between a $20 pair of jeans and a $50 pair, or $200. But trust me at the very least the $50 has the function of making you look better while the $20 pair has no function. Possibly if you've managed to befriend one of these HOT HOT girls which really isn't too hard when dating is off the table. Maybe take her shopping?

Also it's easier if you don't look at women as 'objects'. Most hate that! Instead try to be a best friend with occasional benefits. However if you've been a best friend type for years, most women won't attempt dating and throw away what you have. They expect you to screw it up.

One thing I can note is that I've definitely had better luck with women in some locations than others. I'm from Canada and there are cultural differences just 100km away. One city I lived in women chase men almost like they are men. The ones I dealt with wern't interested in anything more than a few one night stands. While in another town the women all just want a guy who won't beat them up.

Finally why not take notice of the poorly dressed girl who's probably got the same thoughts and fears as you do.

Mostly it's unconscious, I believe. Nobody has a light-bulb flash over their head and says to themselves, "Hmmm, this person has virtually no unconscious non-verbal communication ability!" If they did, they might also realize their intuition might be deceptive in this case. (But it's all unconscious so no dice) And, if they're insightful and even a bit patient AND even a bit interested, they might stick it out and give the aspie just enough of a chance to show what they can really offer after nature's lazy, culturally outdated courtship protocols have been trampled and left behind like the human waste they are.

i think a big issue here is bullying. it takes your confidence away and makes you feel worthless, like you are not good enough. i still have little confidence due to the bullying i had received back when i was in middle school, due to it i dont have much confidence when talking to girls

Common things I've seen and experienced.

1) "You're too nice."

2) social awkwardness is a turnoff to females since they are naturally hypergamous (looking for a better deal all the time)

3)Crappy fashion sense is far too common in aspies.

4) Being perceived as handicapped may evoke a few bits of. Empathy or more of "thank god that's not me" reaction (considering how most people really are) but certainly not an attraction reaction.

5) Being perceived as more of a provider than a lover

6) Abuse issues tend to make it very hard to trust people. Or. Just make you want to play xbox and bang an escort once or twice a month. I admit my mother was an abusive self centered c**t and that has probably shaped how I look at the opposite gender.

7) Telationships are a ton of work and investment. Sometimes you just want to learn enough social skills to fit in at a good job and feed your interests. Going out to bars is a sh***y experience for me so I get my companionship in cheaper (for me) manner.

Trying to jump in too fast. That was my mistake the first couple times.

Though you shouldn't move too fast, moving too slow is also detrimental. You have to hit the 'sweet spot' in timing, so to speak.

My advice is to be confident, show that you are interested, but don't go for the whole thing until you've had ample time to get acquainted.

I can give some reasons that have nothing to do with this (read only OP), being nervous or whatever doesn't scare people away, or rather anyone who is going to be "scared away" just because you don't like yourself is definitely not worth being friends with in the first place. If you are talking about being rejected when someone you Love leaves you I can definitely give some reasons. If you are only talking about being "rejected" by someone you don't know then I will not say anything about that.

Then again, if you don't know them who cares if they want to go out with you or not?

Being introverted & seeming very out of place in social situations.
Taking things literally causes lots of problems. We do NOT understand things like "playing-hard-to-get" & when people ask us questions; we tend to give very direct honest answers. People can misunderstand & think that we are being rude/offensive/cruel because we didn't say a white lie or sugarcoat something.
There are also lots of misconceptions about Aspergers/autism. It's hard to not get rejected when people assume that you should be wearing a special helmet because you seem different or out of place. We could avoid telling others about our diagnoses for a while but we still may have problems with things that most people don't & things about us could scare others. People may assume wer are stupid or incapable or doing things that when we are not.
Also some of us do not conform to gander stereotypes. Some may assume we are in the closet or that we are some kind of creepy perverts when we are NOT because we may say things that aren't quite rite or something.
Some of us are prone to having weird facial expressions. Others may assume that we are upset or mad at things when we are not. People may also assume that we are psychotic because we laugh at something that is inappropriate.
People could assume we are on drugs or drunk when we are not high or stoned because we may be kind of clumsy & acting weird, If we are straight-edge & looking for others who do not drink or do drugs & people tend to assume we are on something cuz of our personalities & way we act & sound; it makes it kind of tough.
People could also assume that we are high maintenance or something because we have some OCD characteristics & other stuff. They may think that we are very demanding, picky, & that we can NOT be fun or flexible witch could be true.

I'm not sure what could really be done to help with this except for having more autism awareness. I also would love to have an arranged marriage. I think lots of women would like me if they gave me a decent chance. If we don't have much of a choice about getting in a relationship; we don't have to worry about being rejected

Ignorance and misconceptions from NT's, which is selfpropagated by some people here and elsewhere, that claim that people with autism spectrum disorders have no empathy which is a big ASSumption.

A lack of empathy is NOT a general problem for aspies and it is NEITHER a diagnostic criteria for Autism/Aspergers. Some people seem to generalise that everyone is like them and have problems with empathy but they really should stop making such stupid, idiotic ASSumptions!!


If you still believe in that BS: What is more likely, that 100's of people who say that we do not have an empathy defficiancy are wrong - or that YOU are a misdiagnosed psychopath?

in my case it's all pre-emptive rejection. Like, I'm not even really looking at people and seeing potential relationship material, and they don't appear to be looking at me that way either. It's the silent rejection of non-consideration.

I always think lack of social network is a bigger problem -- Unless one goes to pubs alone and ask every complete strangers for a date (which I don't think is going to work for physically unattractive people).