A circle of superficiality (a good, thought provoking post)

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And seriously dude, ToadOfSteel, don't sell yourself short. You seem pretty cool to me. ^^

Then, in a manner, I misunderstood. I had wrongly interpreted your post as dismissal of so much of what's been posted 'round here.

I won't argue that gender roles are good stuff that need to be reinforced; Rather, I believe they oughta be torn down with sledgehammers. And clearly, most of the people on this board chafe beneath much of the social expectations we find ourselves sidled with, like you, but each different. It's a stupid maze, and utterly arbitrary in many ways, especially given our modern environment.

But on the other hand, unless you've got big plans on the world and an activist mind, then all these 'rules' really could use heeding. Which is not to say, "OBEY," not at all. Just that it really helps to acknowledge how things usually work, in order to better navigate the world, and avoid obstacles.

Nominally, if we could find ways to slowly sneak out of all those roles, and somehow gain acceptance, we'll have done big stuff. That would be way better than the other routes, if it was pulled off. Personally, I'm not creative or smart enough for that. *shrug* Maybe you or others 'round here will be. But I do know something about how things tend to work right now, and I'm positive that new methods will rely upon understanding and bending the old ways. The current institutions are simply too monolithic to be torn down, it can only be bent and eroded. Realistically, we'll have to compromise, and it begins with understanding the way it does work, even if it's not the way it should work.

....Am I babbling? Meh, I cant remember if I had any larger point here....

Also, I applaud your temperance in response, and apologize if I was baiting. You've definitely one-upped me, there...

I think I can relate to you Freak_Contagion; I don't conform to gender stereotypes either. Some of my classmates in high-school thought I was gay because I hated sports, like pop music, like some romantic comedies, I'm kind of sensitive, I'm not obsessed about sex like most guys are, & one of my best friends in HS was gay. The only people who ever came on me offline are homosexual guys. I'm attracted to women so I know I'm not gay but a few of the girls I liked offline thought I was gay when I tried asking em out. I have thought about having a sex-change before because I think I can relate to some lesbians very well; a lot of the women I liked offline wer gay & I didn't realize it till after I tried asking em out. I wish gender stereotypes did not exist

Haha, I wasn't trying to compete, or feeling threatened. You seemed well-intentioned enough to me, and I just exploded from recent stresses around that point. I must say though, you made an excellent recovery of it, considering the stack I ended up blowing there. I feel a little better about it already too. ^^

It will take some work though, yes.... However much I want to pretend I'm some kind of genius about these things, or how I'm just some magical source of awesome that the rules don't apply to, I'm still in the dark a bit, and I'll be listening for your wisdom now and again. =3... You are really quite smart from what I've read from you on here so far, so don't sell yourself short or anything.


I KNOW! It's good to know I'm not alone out here like this. >.<;.... It was starting to drive me off the brink! .___.

The weirder point about me is that I have this weird thing for screwing with gender roles to the point of reversing them, although I think I gleaned that more from my last serious relationship than I really have a need for it. She was kinda the gentleman in the relationship by all normal standards, and treated me like a lady. (She held doors for me, INSISTED on paying for dinner, no matter how much I tried to split the bill, was protective of me, and actually a few other things like that.) o__o;; .... Embarassing as that is to admit, I still gotta admit that I loved it. >//>;

Last edited by Freak_Contagion on 20 May 2010, 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I mite could understand that as well. I'd want to take care my partner any way I could but I am dependent so I'd be OK with her paying, making the decisions ect if she wanted to. Sometimes I wonder if I should be homosexual sense the only people interested in me are other guys. I don't think I have that many gay characteristics & I look like a cave-man but apparently they see something in me that women clearly do not

I have that problem too. .__. ... It's like every other guy who likes guys likes me. I've even tested the waters a few times, and made out with... I think two guys before. It mostly made me feel kind of sick though, even though they were both pretty good looking. No offense to gays, as a few of my closer friends are gay or bi. it just made me kinda sick to get involved with a guy like that, ya know. I have occasionally been physically interested in a couple of feminine-looking guys before, but they also tend to act feminine more than I can take. xP

I suppose I'd suggest giving it a shot though, if you get curious or don't know. You may learn something. I kind of wish I could be gay sometimes, because it'd be easier, like you said.

It's interesting. From what I've heard from friends, I, and most other Aspies even, don't actually ring up one way or the other on "gaydar". xD... I get the same thing from guys and girls sometimes, wondering my sexuality.

I've been told I'm actually kind of attractive physically, but most women lose any romantic interest in me after getting to know me. =S ... It's just as well though, because the times girls like that haven't lost interest in me for long enough to try going out, it didn't really end up working out either. ^^;... Guess you can't help being incompatible. Still though, I can't believe that there's no girl who's my type anywhere, especially after my last serious relationship. She couldn't have been the only one out there with any of those tendencies, or any of that sort of personality.

So I'm just trying to not give up on love, while I keep working at meeting people and being social until something happens. xP

^^^ I know I'm not gay because the thought of doing anything with a guy makes me nauseous. I'm sort of a borderline asexual thou because I want & fantasies about making out & other stuff with women but I'm not really interested in the sex aspect; but if I was serious with someone & she wanted; I mite would enjoy it if everything else in the relationship was good.
I don't think I'm physically attractive because I'm a little overweight, I'm losing the hair on my head but have lots of hair everywhere else so maybe I'm scaring the women

Lol, good for you then. I guess it was harder for me to figure out because it's really hard to repulse me. Things that would make normal people throw up on sight only arouse a slight discomfort from me. So it took me a good while to figure out I couldn't get interested in guys sexually. ^^;;

I don't know what to tell you about that though. My only obstacle seems to be mental/behavioral as yet. I even make both a good-looking guy and a nice-looking girl, from what I've been told. o.O; ... I didn't think I was that androgynous-looking, but apparently I am.

I do have more of a sex drive though. A few people can attest to that.... It's really irritating, because I completely seize up when I try to lead in sexual encounters, which I'm usually expected to do, and even if I can overcome that, I have trouble even getting into it at all, so it's just no good. Sometimes though, it's like there doesn't need to be anyone "leading". Things just start happening, and we'd both get into a passion.... That's only happened once though, and overall, I still really like being led better in retrospect, if the same level of passion is there. >.>

On the bright side though, I have the upside that I have a good sex drive, but won't be pushy about sex either. (Yay for blatant advertising to women whom are almost certainly no longer reading this thread! lol)

Hhmmmmm, interesting situation and good points. It is all nice and good to say "Go after nice guys" but if they aren't biting, then what should you do next?"

From what I'm hearing, I can deduce to possibilities as to why shy guys are ignoring you. These aren't fact, this is just my educated guess on the issue.

The first possibility has to do with physical attraction. I've often heard that guys will not make (or won't become good friends) friends with girls that they aren't attracted to, and I certainly do believe it. I say this as a male, and I won't pretend that everything I say doesn't apply to me as well.

As a matter of fact, there have been girls in the past (and present) as well that I not progressed a strong friendship with because I'm not attracted to them physically. Is it shallow? Yes. Unfair? Of course. But I'm just telling it like it is. My reason for not progressing things: I don't see it as an investment that will grow. In my mind, I want to be friends with girls that I have some moderate level of physical attraction to, so that I can remain at a level of friendship if that happens, or if things progress, it can progress to something more. I still retain a casual friendship with girls I'm not attracted to, but getting involved with them would be awkward and unpleasent, and I've done that before.

The same thing might occur with the guys that are shy and nice that you go after. They might not be physically attracted to you, and their reluctance to talk or present themselves may be their subtle sign of showing their disinterest in you.

The second (and more likely case) is that they haven't had a girl be so forward and bold with them, and they find it intimidating. It would be analogous to Kim Kardashian walking up to some shy/nice guy who hasn't hung out with girls a lot, and her asking him out. Although he would be attracted to her, it would freak him out a bit, because he doesn't hang around girls a lot.

My suggestion: I think you were on the right path with being friendly. However, I'd try acting like a guy, in a sense, when you're around a nice/shy guy. You know, talk casually with him, like "so how have you been doing? Seen any good movies lately? or "What kind of T.V. shows do you like to watch?" Bring up something casual they he has an interest in, and you and him can have a pleasent conversation while disarming his fears of you. Asking a guy if he wants to get coffee or something might scare him if he's shy, but if you break down his defenses by casaul conversation, you might win him over.

Hhmmmmm, interesting situation and good points. It is all nice and good to say "Go after nice guys" but if they aren't biting, then what should you do next?"

From what I'm hearing, I can deduce to possibilities as to why shy guys are ignoring you. These aren't fact, this is just my educated guess on the issue.

The first possibility has to do with physical attraction. I've often heard that guys will not make (or won't become good friends) friends with girls that they aren't attracted to, and I certainly do believe it. I say this as a male, and I won't pretend that everything I say doesn't apply to me as well.

As a matter of fact, there have been girls in the past (and present) as well that I not progressed a strong friendship with because I'm not attracted to them physically. Is it shallow? Yes. Unfair? Of course. But I'm just telling it like it is. My reason for not progressing things: I don't see it as an investment that will grow. In my mind, I want to be friends with girls that I have some moderate level of physical attraction to, so that I can remain at a level of friendship if that happens, or if things progress, it can progress to something more. I still retain a casual friendship with girls I'm not attracted to, but getting involved with them would be awkward and unpleasent, and I've done that before.

The same thing might occur with the guys that are shy and nice that you go after. They might not be physically attracted to you, and their reluctance to talk or present themselves may be their subtle sign of showing their disinterest in you.

The second (and more likely case) is that they haven't had a girl be so forward and bold with them, and they find it intimidating. It would be analogous to Kim Kardashian walking up to some shy/nice guy who hasn't hung out with girls a lot, and her asking him out. Although he would be attracted to her, it would freak him out a bit, because he doesn't hang around girls a lot.

My suggestion: I think you were on the right path with being friendly. However, I'd try acting like a guy, in a sense, when you're around a nice/shy guy. You know, talk casually with him, like "so how have you been doing? Seen any good movies lately? or "What kind of T.V. shows do you like to watch?" Bring up something casual they he has an interest in, and you and him can have a pleasent conversation while disarming his fears of you. Asking a guy if he wants to get coffee or something might scare him if he's shy, but if you break down his defenses by casaul conversation, you might win him over.

why does everyone think nice guys are as well shy and have ridiculous high standards. i'm nice not shy and i can settle for a girl that doesn't have perfect sizes. besides girls that do have perfect sizes are usually arrogant peaces of s**t. besides i believe in honer and love. it hurts you all have no fait in people.

I'm feeling the same way. I'm a borderline asexual & have bad vision so why would my girl need to look like a Victoria's Secret model I do NOT agree with these generalizations towards all men here. Maybe I should start a post about how all women are gold-digging sluts. I won't because even thou some women are; I know NOT all are. I will admit that I do generalize quite a lot at times but I don't say all because I know not all people are the same. If all women generalize guys like this; I am much better off alone but I know NOT all women are like this. These generalizations have gotten way out of hand

Ahh...I dunno, AutisticMalcontent. You seem to make a lot of wild generalisations.