Lunatika310 wrote:
I guess I didn't make it clear in my initial post. I don't consider him boyfriend, nor does he consider me his girlfriend. Due to the physical involvement as well as our friendship as a whole, there is definitely an emotional element to our interactions, but also a degree of emotional reservation. I'm trying to figure out for myself whether to jump in and try out a committed romantic relationship with him. He made it clear to me that he wants to try being in a romantic relationship with me. In his words, "I'd rather try and fail, than not try at all."
He and I have considered going to a counsellor to try and find that out.
Hey OP, you did make it clear that you're not currently bf/gf - I just used "bf" as a short-cut reference to him - my bad.
I bolded the statement above that makes it seem like you two have issues with trust....and I think you've talked about the emotional vulnerability that exists around this relationship....so I'm sensing that you two have hurt each other in the past - and it seems like the hurt must have been significant? If that's the case, those are issues you have to deal with before you can move forward. And dealing with them really isn't about him being Aspie. I mean, some of the things he may have done in the past that hurt you may be related to his Aspieness, but the pain is real (even if the cause of the pain is understandable). I think you both need to discuss those past issues - not to belabor them, but to give each of you a chance to articulate how you've hurt each other, and give each of you a chance to apologize.
I think you'll find that in discussing and healing past damage, you'll also discover some techniques that will help you avoid the same kind of issues in the future. I think agreeing on an approach to conflict resolution is important to any couple, but is particularly important to Aspie/Aspie or Aspie/NT relationships (too many opportunities for miscommunication if you don't have a plan in place, IMO).
Finally - and I know you know this - there aren't any guarantees. Rebuilding trust can be tough. It requires a lot of actions to back up the words/verbal commitments. And let's face it, that takes time (to see a consistently different pattern of behavior). But rebuilding trust is possible - and when/if you're successful, you can actually achieve real intimacy as a couple. That would be truly awesome. Good luck.
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What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...
16 Jun 2010, 11:55 am
